Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Dear ESB: Does she have to be my bridesmaid?
So… I have a friend from high school who I love but drives me sorta nuts. Over the last 15 years we’ve gone through waves of super-closeness and have fought and made up mad times. Sort of like a sister I’m glad I’m not actually related to. Currently we live on opposite sides of the globe and are maintaining a nice, drama-free relationship.
A few years back we were living in the same city and a whole bunch of crap went down between us. For a year or so she dated one of my really close friends (someone she was friends with initially too), and inserted herself as a sort of intermediary between me and him. Now, I fully admit that my head wasn’t in the right space during that time (it was all clouded up with my own relationship drama, grad school, etc.) so I didn’t really do my best to preserve my friendship with him. I just sort of let him become “her boyfriend” instead of “my friend,” pouted hard about it and blamed her. My bad. However! She did this intermediary thing with all of our other mutual friends too. As a way of avoiding heavy shit that was going on in her own life, she made it basically her job to be everyone’s best bro. The good-time party gal. And when we would interact, she would always try to one-up me on what she knew about this or that person. She’s still strangely competitive regarding our mutual friends, but to a much lesser degree since she’s a gazillion miles away.
Anyway, I can’t say that I ever bounced back from that time as far as our friendship goes. I am still down to see her / hang out with her and am happy when we do, but I don’t allow myself to invest in her the way I used to. Problem is, the aforementioned drama happened out of sight of our mutual crew of friends, so she’s still largely perceived as my BFF from way back. That means if I have five bridesmaids and she’s not one, shit’s gonna be weird. Like WAY WEIRD. I’m sure people will ask why I didn’t include her. It’s not something I’m looking forward to. Also! This rough patch from a few years ago is something she’s sort of tucked under the rug… like, she knows shit got messed up but she’s not down to talk about why (I've tried, and am way down to admit my role in it too). She’s a First Class Avoider. To that end, I think she expects to be in my wedding as well.
As an added wrinkle, her aforementioned ex is tight with my man and will be one of his groomsmen. Even though I’m sure they’d be adults for our sake, they had the messiest breakup ever and she still talks shit about him.
So I guess I should not include her and start working on my response for when people ask why? Or should I just say fuck it, include her, and move on to worrying about more important things (i.e. what whiskey cocktail to serve)?
WHO GIVES A SHIT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK?
IT'S NONE OF THEIR BEESWAX WHO YOU ASK TO BE YOUR BRIDESMAID.
Photos: Christopher Kane Resort 2011 via I'm Revolting via Link Offload via Studded Hearts