Dear ESB,
I'm going to try and keep the background short. There aren't that many good deets anways...other than the punchline that my first marriage went straight to the shitter (we discovered we wanted different things, and he met someone else who was a better fit for him). Met at 17, married at 22...divorced at 24/25 (got messy and took a while).
Lesson learned ladies: Just because you LOVE him, doesn't mean you should MARRY him. Do some soul searching and make sure you both know what you want, and you want the same things. Also, there's a lot of growing and learning to be done in your 20's. You both may not want the same things once you've had your fun with that decade (and you should have fun). Your love has got to last a while and you need the foundations to build a marriage on.
So fast forward a few years to now. Met an amazing guy, marriage details are being discussed. He hasn't been married before and has a huge family. They love weddings. Not necessarily big weddings, but just weddings in general. I love weddings, too, but...I already had one. I already invited all my family, friends, and coworkers who traveled, brought gifts, took photos, hugged, kissed, and celebrated with me. I already wore the dress, got the cake, and danced. The idea of planning another makes me want to vomit.
Don't get me wrong, I have never been more sure of our relationship and I'm excited to marry him, but the thought of doing that whole process again is dreadful. I almost feel guilty, like it isn't RIGHT to do that again. My ideal wedding would be a simple dress and a date at the court house. Small party to follow. He said he'd be on board with that, and understands, but I can tell he and his family were a little crushed. I want him to be happy, so, wedding it is.
Now, how do I do this? Do I register for gifts again? Have another bridal shower? Bachelorette? If we register, should I only send the gift registry information to people who weren't at my first wedding? Is there such a thing as 'Second Wedding Etiquette'?
And - how do I get more comfortable with this?
Heart,
Anon.
*****
1. You rule.
2. Yes, you should register. But it's bad etiquette to SEND registry info to anyone, whether it's your first wedding, fifth wedding, or fifty-seventh wedding.
Add a registry section to your wedding website with a note like: "It means so much to us that you're coming to the wedding. Please don't feel obligated to buy a gift." Or whatever. (I think everyone ought to include that note even if they've never been married before.)
You can also pass along the word via word-of-mouth that you really don't expect a gift from people who bought you one the first time around.
3. DUDE, YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED! I'm happy for you, and I don't even know you. Your friends + fam are UBER happy for you, I promise.
Tati Cotliar and Yuri Pleskun by Jason Kibbler for Twin #5 via Fashion Gone Rogue
