Seeking: Rehearsal Dinner Dress, Size 16

Dear ESB,

I had a fight with the woman who was making my rehearsal dinner dress and we decided that canceling the order was the best course of action.

She made changes without telling me and then when I asked her to undo the changes, she told me that she would rather sell the dress to someone who would appreciate it.

Anyway, my wedding is about a month away and I am trying to find a dress. I am looking for a reasonably priced (under $200) white lace shift. I am hugely busty and generally wear a 16 everywhere else. I have looked around and not been able to find what I'm looking for in my size.

I was hoping you might have some ideas for me. I ordered a couple of things from ASOS, but they're not quite right. Oh, also I'm 38 and need something age-appropriate, but not frumpy.

Thank you!

*****

DON'T WEAR WHITE TO YOUR REHEARSAL DINNER.

Gah.

Will this peaches and cream Diane von Furstenberg fit you??

Because it is awesome.

Swanky bridesmaids dresses in regular AND plus sizes?

Dear ESB,

In June I am going to marry the totally awesome man of my dreams. He is SO awesome that he is even letting me pull off a ridiculous vintage circus inspired wedding, and has agreed to all my planning requests (Giant giraffe backdrop, tons of balloons, yard games, etc.) We even had a fun carnival themed engagement shoot.

I am having a ton of fun making crafty things and executing all of my plans, not feeling stressed about any of it.... Except regarding what the bridesmaids should wear.

I have three best ladies, and they are the raddest three ladies around. They are all smart and sexy, and have great individual style. While I am fine with them choosing their own dresses, they have decided that they still want to coordinate, and are hoping for something brightly colored, or sparkly, or vintage inspired... (In other words, something that will fit the wedding theme and make them look awesome).

We thought it would be easy for them to find coordinating dresses that they loved and looked good in. However, my MOH is a size 14-16, Future sister in law is a size 22-24, and my bestie cousin is a size 6. The four of us have been searching for MONTHS and haven't found anything that is even remotely attractive and available in BOTH standard and plus sizes.

Any chance you and your awesome audience can help us out?

sadly,
Circus Girl

*****

1. "vintage inspired" doesn't actually really mean anything. (more on that tomorrow.) i mean. are you going for the 1890's? the 20's? the 50's? you realize that ALL CLOTHES are inspired by the past, right??

2. RACHEL PALLY ALL THE WAY. These colors/patterns are circus-y enough for me. And definitely inspired by a vintage.

More importantly, RP makes excellent plus size dresses that coordinate beautifully with her main line.

I'll shut up about Rachel Pally now. And you can all stop asking me for bridesmaids dresses! kthxbye

Top photo by Frederick W. Glasier via Vintage Vivant

who's up for a SHOPPING CHALLENGE?

Dear ESB,

I don't like most wedding dresses. No bling, no cupcakey skirts, no heavy polyester satin for me. I've done quite a bit of shopping and trying-on and what I've mostly liked are simpler bridesmaid's dresses, many of which don't come in ivory because they're less expensive and the manufacturers want to funnel you into a more expensive dress with the bridal palette. Or they're less expensive and do come in ivory but are some hot heavy synthetic material that will try to kill me in the North Carolina late June weather. (It's not that I hate polyester, but a polyester fitted dress in late June in NC seems like a terrible idea). I'm nearing the end of the window for ordering a "traditional" wedding dress at all... but I thought you might be able to help.

I've been with my man for 10 years and we're finally tying the knot in an non-traditional ceremony officiated by our oldest friend followed by a big party at my parents' farm in NC. It will be outdoors with a tented BBQ dinner and live bluegrass music in the barn. There are many things about us and our wedding that are not typical, and the "dress" has already been changed to "outfit" in my references. I've promised everyone that I won't be naked, but I've also realized that I do want to stay in the bridal palette, sort of. 

Here's what I know: I'm 5'9" and a size 16-18 on top, 12-14 on bottom. In order to look balanced and maximize my curves I need structure for my girls (and would like straps but can add them later if I need them) and something with some shape and/or length to flow off my hips. I can't do an empire waist; it makes me look preggers. No puffy cupcake skirt or rhinestone bling for me. A structured asymmetrical fabric fold/flower is something I've liked on a one-shoulder dress, but otherwise I'm not into most ruffles either. I like it simple and classy, even if that is a bit old school. I looked at some vintage stuff, but my size is pretty awkward for most of that stuff. But then I thought about separates...

What about an ivory or silver skirt in a light taffeta or silk? What about a simple and sexy bustier or corset top or structured dressy tank in ivory or silver? I could get behind paying $800-ish total for an interesting vaguely-bridal wedding outfit that won't make me sweat to death and which I could wear again as separates. I live in PA about 3 hours from DC or Philly or the NYC, so I can get to some good shopping on a weekend road trip, but I need to be strategic about it. And the internets are too big for me to conquer alone.

Any help from you and your readers would be awesome and much appreciated.

Thanks,
Frustrated-in-central-PA

*****

Apparently big girls ONLY WEAR SYNTHETIC FABRICS?

What is going on. I need help.

Photo: Crystal Renn by Luis Sanchis for Harper's Bazaar

Pleez help me dress myself for my engagement photos

Dear ESB,

The FW and I are getting engagement pictures taken on the 17th (of November, eeeeee) and I am desperately needing your help to dress myself.

I recently lost 25 lbs and the only things in my closet that fit me properly are yoga pants and horribly boring work clothes. My fiance has incredible style and has lots to choose from. I am worried about looking like a schlump, but I cannot. find. anything. I thought I would figure something out, however after leaving a baker's dozen stores empty handed I might have to show up in a grey sweater set and yoga pants. I am a size 12-14, so I am in the predicament of still being too big for a lot of standard women's design and too small for plus size.

I am 5'5, and I have dark hair, very light skin, glasses, and a large chest and bum. I am open to patterns and color and really anything that will keep me from looking like a sloppy snoozefest. I would love a cute dress and or shirt/skirt combo. I am also open to shoe and accessory suggestions if you or any of your readers have them! My budget for the clothes is around $100 and the shoe budget is around $50. I know you have cooler and more artistic things to do--I would be deeply grateful if you could help a girl out.

*****

I'm not generally a fan of engagement photos, but you seem so sweet....

This Suzi Chin for Maggy Boutique Faux Wrap Jersey Dress got a thumbs-up from H.

And then any chance you wear a 38 or 39.5 shoe? These haircalf (that's what I said, HAIRCALF) pumps would take you a teensy bit overbudg, but gahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I also sorta like this floral top w/ sheath skirt from Zara. With some kind of edgy black heels though okay? Nothing too office-y.



Jeez, I feel like I'm dressing you for a high school reunion or something. Just don't wear a WHITE DRESS and you'll be fine.

(Top Photo by Gavin Doyle)

Let's burn this bridge BEFORE we get to it

ESB,

So many of your "dear ESB" writers say, "I never thought I would be writing to you..." Not I. I always knew I would have some conundrum requiring serious spunk. So, here it is.

My brother and I are getting hitched almost exactly one year apart, and my mother is super nervous about what to wear to both weddings. She has some reason. She's a gorgeous, curvy, size 14/16 woman with, umm, well, big jugs (and the sass to match). She's really insecure, so I have been trying to encourage her long-distance while she shops. Oh, and she hates shopping. And trying clothes on. And has very little (read "no") fashion sense.

So, she finally called me in happy tears the other day after having found "the perfect dress" for my brother's wedding this summer. It fit great and she felt beautiful in it. I was ecstatic for her... until she sent me a picture. Yeah. Awful.

Two questions: One, do I tell her how awful this dress is? The wedding is in less than a month, and she has already bought accessories. Two, if it's too late for this wedding (as I suspect it is), can you give me some tasteful yet, um, not atrocious suggestions for what she could wear to my wedding next summer? I love the woman, and would proudly stand next to her in photos if she wore a bedazzled trash sack. But, I want her to feel as pretty as she is.

As mentioned, it must fit and flatter a busty size 14. And she likes yellow. And I won't be able to talk her into anything over $250 (she refuses to spend money on clothes). Oh, and the wedding is outdoors, in Wisconsin, in July.

A million thanks.

*****

I'm posting this too late to tell you to tell her, "NO, MOM. JUST... NO."

So she'll look a lot cooler at your wedding. Oopsies.

Anyhoo.

After LPC had such great shopping-for-the-MOTB advice to offer here, I figured I'd ask her to help me out with this one.

Here's what Our Lady of Privilege and Anxiety came up with:

1. Don't tell your mother something she's bought after ages of searching is hideous, UNLESS you're willing stick by her side until she finds something reasonable. If she could have done better herself she would.

2. Tell her what you want her to wear for your wedding. BTW, Mothers of the Bride don't have to match anything if they don't want to. But if they want to, help them out.

3. If you love her so dearly, my guess is that most of all she loves you too and wants to make you happy.

4. However, she will have no objection to looking beautiful and even a little bit cool. That's what we used to say when we meant bitchin'. At our age, simple is better, judicious use of color is better, silk is the best.

Amsale makes some great dresses. Nordstrom has a wide range, here. 

This one's my particular favorite. Something about the slight raggedness makes sense. $290.

[Editor's Note: Definitely worth keeping your eye out for a sale. And according to the reviews, these dresses run small, so your mom should order a 16 or even an 18.]

Alternatively, there's a company called Siri, in South San Francisco, that has a really wide range, here. 

This one even comes in yellow. It's a little pricier than your mom's ostensible limit, but hey, silk.

Siri's short sheath dresses can be had for $250-$280. The long dress (I just can't use the word gown) above, known as the Sorbonne, is $380 in duppioni or shantung, up to size 16. They offer up to size 24, but there's additional cost for plus size. In silk taffetas, the same dress costs $410.

If your mama just can't get comfortable with arm-showage, she can always resort to those ubiquitous little jackets, but I'd rather ask the people at Siri if they could add sleeves, or wear a spider-webby cardigan. Most mother-of-the-bride jackets are stodgy.

Finally, give her an esb-approved necklace with a garnet-eyed snake charm. Or something. If it's small enough, she'll wear it and smile her face off. We never meant, really, to leave all that behind.

Top Image: Kristen McMenamy by Juergen Teller for Marc Jacobs 2005

Seeking: a plus-size dress that's not a MESS

Hey ESB,

As a "plus sized" (gross) bride-to-be, it's hard to find a dress that isn't your typical empire waist/halter mess from anything other than a megastore. I found this dress, but unfortunately, it is out of stock. (I've also attached some shoes, for an idea of my style.) 

Have you come across anything suitable available in larger sizes? For my specific case, I'll be having a courthouse wedding with a bad ass reception/going away party. The FH and I are leaving the country for a year to teach overseas.

I'm not particularly set on the traditional white.

It's so easy to be discouraged in finding such beautiful things available, but not in your size. The internet is a big place. I really appreciate your help.

Size: Realistically between 18 and 20. A generously cut 16 paired with the world's best spanx would be pushing it. I'm looking for some drinking/eating/dancing room. 

Budget: Preferably under $300. But I'm willing to dip into some travel money for the right dress.

*****

WHY DON'T THEY MAKE COOL CLOTHES IN LARGER SIZES? wtf.

This Suzi Chin for Maggie Boutique is a little different from the dress you sent me, but I really dig it with the Repetto oxfords (on sale! at Creatures of Comfort).

I also like this strapless dress from Lafayette 148, but it pisses me off that they only picture it in petite. 

First image: Beth Ditto via Altsounds.com