Dear ESB
I am a long time fan of your blog, although I never thought I'd be writing to you. You seem to be able to help your readers with the most awesome dresses, rings and other advice. I don't mean to gush but you really are a fairy godmother.
I know you'll be able to help me because you are just that good.
I am planning to get married next Summer and as I'm a girl in my thirties, I should have an envy-inspiring wedding. I really think I have wasted the last 30 years by not planning for this event. I am going to marry the most awesome guy - he's handsome, funny and runs a business making educational toys from reclaimed timber. In his spare time, he plays the drums in a band and volunteers for animal rescue. He's 6'1" and has the cutest beard.
My dress is made of fair trade, organic, carbon neutral hemp (no polyester please) in an 80s punk style. Also, there is lace, lots of lace. This is vintage, which I picked up on a (carbon-offset) trip to Belgium. I will be three months pregnant so this will help conceal my baby bump. I also have some awesome vintage killer heels that stop my dress looking like a monstrosity. I was originally thinking barefoot, but that limited my choice of wedding venue due to the risk of needle-stick injuries in public parks or beaches. Also, it would make me look really short next to my guy.
My outfit, hair, makeup, rings, venue, menu and invites are all sorted. I just need you help for one little part - I haven't found the groom as yet. I'm not too picky, other than the criteria above.
Thanking you in advance
Your Biggest Fan
PS good luck.
PPS ok I'm taking the piss but I think this is probably a simpler task that some of the requests that crazies send to you
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You know the old saw: You'll never find the guy until you've planned the wedding.
YOUR CARPENTER IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER
Photo: Jessica Lange + Sam Shepard by Bruce Weber for Vanity Fair, 1984
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happy happy happy, you guys. i'll see you in the new year!
