DEATH BY DAVID'S BRIDAL!!!!!!

Dear ESB,

I am a bridesmaid for a close friend. Her maid of honor lives in London, so I have stepped up with the emotional support and random phone calls. A-okay by me. My problem is that the bride wants all of her bridesmaids to wear dresses such as these (number 4 would have to be my favorite out of the choices we have been given, and there are 6 more that I won't even bother to show you at this point):

1. Charmeuse Dress With Slit 

2. One-Shoulder Chiffon 

3. Satin Empire Ball Gown

4. A-Line With Beading

5. Satin/Chiffon Ball Gown

I am relieved that she has decided to stay away from teal, but now she wants us all to wear black. I have absolutely NO problem wearing black, but not in these dresses! I'm just not a fan of typical bridesmaid-y dresses that I'll spend a chunk of money on and NEVER WEAR AGAIN. I have tried to show her other options, but she feels that these dresses will be better for all of her very dynamic in size bridesmaids. 

Would it be bad to wait a bit and try and convince her to chose other dresses (her wedding isn't until MAY of 2013)? And do you have any ideas of awesome dresses that will flatter all body types AND look awesome in black AND be cheap AND look good in uniform???

AND thank you.

-Bridesmaid being suffocated by a man named David's Bridal

*****

a) F*ck David's Bridal.

b) How do you even know what size you'll all be in May of 2013? Half of you could be pregnant. (Actually, #4 makes you look like you're pregnant already.)

c) THERE IS NO DRESS THAT FLATTERS ALL BODY TYPES. That's why they make dresses in more than one style.

Pls forward this to the bride.

Thx.

love,

me

Photo: Sam Ypma by Wilkosz & Way for Fashion Gone Rogue

Help me put a ring on it

Hey, ESB. 

I'm getting married next September and am having the ever-popular accessory dilemma. I'm wearing this dress, a David's Bridal original (hey, I embrace my inner cheap and trashy bride. Plus, it has pockets), and I'm replacing the plastic bling with a brooch of my mom's.

My mom died just as I started puberty, and I've had thirteen years to get used to this life without her. Wedding planning turns everything I've gotten used to on its head, and the day will be bittersweet in her absence. My future mother-in-law wants to do something special to recognize my mom's life--I've already vetoed an empty chair and a song in her honor--so I'm choosing to do so with my accessories (my mom had amazingly awesome accessories). 

I realllly want to wear her wedding ring, but I'll be wearing my engagement ring on my right hand and my wedding band on the left that day; my mom's ring only fits on my ring fingers, as I inherited her hands (and her laugh and the way she signed the "N" in our last name). The obvious answer is to wear the ring on a chain as a necklace, but I'm open to and hoping for suggestions. So, lay it on me, pretty please. 

Thanks!

P.S. If you have any ideas about some sort of hair something that's not a veil, I'd love to hear them, too. 

*****

Wearing your mom's ring on a chain around your neck makes the whole thing too much about her and her wedding ring when it should be about you and your wedding ring.

Either MAKE IT YOUR WEDDING RING (why wouldn't you? it fits!) or tie a blue ribbon around it and carry it in your pocket.

As for "some sort of hair something that's not a veil" -- YOU GUYS MAKE ME TIRED. You know that, right? I love you, but you make me so tired.

Another one?!

Dear ESB: What do I wear on my head that doesn't make me look like a tool?

I bought my dress from David's Bridal. (Don't judge me, they're cheap as hell and convenient)

What can I wear on my head that's not a birdcage or a fingertip. Preferably badass or sassy.

*****

I'm at a loss. It has nothing to do with my hatred of David's Bridal, but it may be related to my hatred of the word "sassy."

HELP, YOU GUYS.

(Photo of Bella Barber by Brooke Coffey via Charles Hall via Fashion Gone Rogue)

I'd rather eat toothpicks than shop at David's Bridal

My best friend's wedding is next June and she is STUCK on David's Bridal Dresses. I have had numerous, long conversions with her (pre-wedding-planning) about how I feel about David's Bridal (in a nutshell: would rather eat toothpicks than shop or ask someone else to shop there). She seems to have forgotten those conversations and just sent me this:

I was looking through an album here on facebook where my friend was in a wedding and she, and the other bridesmaids, were wearing STUNNING COBALT BLUE DRESSES! So i messaged the bride, who I didn't know personally, raving about the dresses, and if she didn't mind can I know where she got them and the swatch color. Sure enough, David's bridal, Horizon Blue.
I went and looked at them AT the store and I decided the blue is PERFECT. And all of you know me well enough, that I would NEVER make you gals wear something that LOOKED cheap, but if it IS cheap and cute, I'm ALL FOR IT!!!
The item numbers if you want to see the two I am thinking of are
Style 83690
Style: F13695 LOOK AT THEM IN HORIZON!!!!! :)
I think I want to go every other with girls wearing the every other dresses. Tell me what you think about the dresses first, and then we'll get into more details!

...could use some shopping advice from you and the rest of your fantastic readers...

*****

Yeah. No. Yuck.

Obviously.

Has anyone seen a good dress lately in a horizon-eque blue? (You know the rules: NO LINKING TO J. CREW.)