HALP

I’m doing an interview with this lil blog and Kelsey wants to know “Best question you have been asked on ESB?”

HOW DO I CHOOSE

It would be easier if she had asked me “What’s the best answer you’ve given on ESB?” (I’m partial to this one and this one and this one. My friend J is a big fan of this one.)

Anyhoo.... A virtual slice of pie will be yours if you submit your faves below.


(Pie box DIY via Emma Stefan via A Subtle Revelry)

Planning From Abroad

Dear ESB,

I think I read somewhere that you’re based in LA, which led me to want to leech off of your extensive knowledge and awesome taste.  I’m currently planning a wedding in LA – while living abroad. My family in the area isn’t likely to be a ton of help (lost jobs, medical emergencies, other weddings to plan). FH and I are paying for this ourselves, in part to avoid his manipulative parents. Unfortunately, planning from the interwebs, I feel like all of the vendors and venues I see are of the marked up variety. FH is convinced we can get food and venue for $5k, and I’ve assured him we’ll be lucky to get it for closer to $10k. This is causing stress, obviously.

The other problem I’m having is that I’m picky, and we both have very modern/city taste (clean lines, bold statements, a certain amount of minimalism). But, wedding resources exist primarily to sell STUFF, so they seem to naturally feature lots of stuff – favors, stir sticks, custom matchbooks, table runners, things stuffed in mason jars, “vintage” this, “rustic” that, “bohemian” whatever. For me this creates a lot of noise and chaos as I try to hone in on what I actually need. So, I guess what I’m asking is:

How do I figure out what I actually need for a medium-sized, modern-ish (maybe Bauhaus inspired without being themey?), budget wedding where there will be little-to-no opportunity for me to do craft projects with my besties? I’ve already gotten the memo on splurging for a good photographer to make everything look better. So far, all I can wrap my head around is venue and dress. From there, I know there needs to be food, copious booze, transportation… Do I have to do favors? When does minimalism just become uninviting and barren?

WHERE THE HELL DO I HOST THIS THING?!?!?! We’re agnostic, so not in a church clearly. Two-thirds of our guests will be flying in from places where they rely on public transit, so I break into hives thinking about forcing them to rent cars and then setting them loose on the LA freeways. We’re looking at restaurants, but the nice ones are expensive, and the cheap ones are hard to find. I don’t want to go toooooooo low key. If I believe wedding blogs, there’s no such thing as a wedding venue that would suit my needs within two hours of LAX. And really, a long drive to their hotel is really what guests need when they’ve just spent five plus hours to get there… Sorry, I have mini panic attacks over this.

Oh, but I totally share your love of air plants and am probs doing a big one as a bouquet.

Can you offer any advice for resources? I’m just feeling overwhelmed and powerless. The distance/time difference/inability to just show up and look at things is magnifying wedding stress.

Thanks,
Exasperated Expat

*****

I hate to say it, but you need a wedding planner.

Unless you are reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally low-key (and you're not, you're picky, which, yay! you should be, it's your wedding) you can't book a venue without seeing it. Without SOMEBODY seeing it. I mean, right?? And what you need depends a whole lot on the venue.

I'm actually sort of getting hives just reading your email.

Do a consult with Lowe House Creative, or put a service requested ad up on 100 Layer Cake. Buy yourself a little help.

And no, you do not have to do fucking favors. Have I not mentioned that recently enough?

Malgosia Bela By Greg Kadel For i-D Magazine, Summer 2012 via dirtyflaws

pickled cabbage = my new favorite placecard

Talk about a pop of color.

And p.s. I want that TABLE for the house we haven't bought yet.

Menus + Thank You Tags: SimpleSong, Flowers: Amy Merrick, Chef: Christine Buckley, Tables: Paul Sperduto of Moon River Chattel

(See more photos over at Sunday Suppers)

pint glass favors = classy centerpieces?

Hi ESB!

My fiance and I are having our reception in our neighborhood Irish pub. We are trying to make personalized pint glass favors part of our centerpieces. Any ideas? 

Flowers seem out of place in an Irish pub and ribbon makes me think of New Year's Eve.

*****

I'm thinking you put a pint glass sort of like just above the knife at each place setting? (See chart above)

AND THEN YOU POUR BEER IN IT.

What should I put in my WEDDING piñata?

Dear esb,

I've been a long time reader and when I got engaged and things started to roll around I've been tempted to write to you several times about the frustrating things involved with wedding planning: starting from my opinionated FMIL who is not chipping in on any of the wedding but insists on suggesting things that cost (my parents are paying for everything except the church, which the groom is paying for), the guest list, 2 year old in the bridal party (insisted by, you guessed it, FMIL), and even one of the groom's aunts asking me if the beige ("But it's beige, not white") dress she was showing me in the picture was okay for my wedding. (I am a strong believer that only the bride should wear white/ivory/cream/beige unless she herself decides the bridal party should be in that color or ask all the guests to come in that color. And MY dress is beige.) Lots of frustrating stuff. But I've managed to get through, mainly by reading this blog and laughing (sometimes drinking) it off.

So now, I come to you with something fun. My wedding will be at 3pm, on a Yacht Club at the beach. Weddings at the beach here last about 12 hours. We will have lots of time to mingle, dance, drink, eat, etc. My fiance and I were joking around the other day and the idea of a piñata came along. I. LOVED. IT. So we were thinking... instead of doing a garter toss, to put the garters INSIDE the piñata. The piñata would just be for the boys (I don't think the ladies would warm up to the piñata if they're in short dresses) so the ones that get a garter from the piñata will get to put them on the girls.

But... what else should we put in the piñata? I'm also accepting ideas for what the piñata should look like, I'm thinking it should be something like Confetti System's Piñatas.

Should we go traditional and have people go at it with a broomstick while blindfolded? Or have the groom pry it open from above? What song should be playing when the piñata thing is going on? Do you think this is the tackiest idea??

Thanks for your and the readers' help!

La Piñata Lady

*****

GO ALL THE WAY.

Garters, confetti, quality condoms + those little packets of lube (I'm assuming this is going to happen somewhere around 1 or 2am), and of course candy.

Salty caramels have the perfect beachy/kinky vibe.
______________________________

Speaking of salty caramels, has anyone tried Jimmy Fallon's new Ben & Jerry's flavor? OMG.

stupid favors

Dear ESB:

After your perfect wisdom on guest books, I bought one and am going to set it out and not think about it again.

Here's the newest conundrum: do I do favors or say all the favors out there suck, no one really wants them, and get over it. is the little monster in me that says Aunt Proper Etiquette will freak right?

Can't my favor to everyone be that we're giving them an awesome meal, swing band and open bar? do I need to give out stupid ass tchotchkes too?

sincerely,
favors blow

*****

NOBODY GIVES A SH*T ABOUT THE FAVORS.




Trust me.

Helena Bonham Carter by Juergen Teller for Marc Jacobs Fall 2011 via Fashion Gone Rogue