Monday, January 2, 2012

Please help me dress my boobs (Part 1: Bras)


Here's Celia...................!

So you've got yourself a pair of Big'Uns, and are in desperate need of wardrobe advice. From what ESB tells me, there are quite a number of you with this problem. Well, fret not, my busty counterparts, because I have some Big'Uns too and am here to help.

Before we get into all the fun (the actual dressing yourself part of this series), we need to get your boobs looking their absolute best; we need to talk about bras. I'm sure you've already heard this a buh-zillion times, but if you have not done something about it by now, then you need to get your ass (or your tits) in gear. I kid you not, ladies, the right bra will change your life in ways you would have never imagined. A good bra will save your looks, your self-esteem, your back, and probably even your sex life. 

Let me give you a little background on my bra situation. About 5 years ago, I decided to go to some real professionals and get properly fitted. I knew I wasn't wearing the right bra size, and every size I tried on always seemed wrong. So, I made an appointment, nervously waited in quite possibly the most awkward waiting room I've ever come across, and flipped through gossip magazines until my number was called.

Maria, my bra-fitter, came into a fitting room with me and asked why I was there. Considering I was in a bra store, I found this question to be very odd. I told her that I had a feeling I was wearing the wrong bra size, and although I had been measured as a 34DD pretty much everywhere I went, my bras just never felt right. She told me to take my shirt off. I'm not even sure it was off for more than two seconds before she confidently said, "You are definitely wearing the wrong size." She asked me to lift my arms and she measured me, but instead of pulling the tape measure around me the conventional way (underneath my bust), she measured me [snuggly] on top of my bust. I was certain she had no fucking idea what she was doing. "You're a 32DDD," she said, "but past a D cup, companies have different sizing charts... you're going to have to learn what the right size feels and looks like to know if you're buying the right bras."

I was dumbfounded; for some reason, being a bustier girl, I was always under the impression that, due to the largeness of my boobs, it would only make sense to wear a larger band size as well. Like for some reason having big boobs naturally made me a bigger person. Looking back, I can't help but laugh at my naiveté. I tried on a shit ton of bras, and I kid you not, for the first time in my life I wanted to buy 20 bras. Every other time I had gone bra shopping, I had to force myself to buy the one that was "good enough." 

On to proper fit. How's a girl supposed to know if she's wearing the right bra? Here are some tips:

1. Your boobs should not ever, at any time, be spilling out of ANY area of your bra. If you happen to have bigger boobs, you're probably ALL TOO familiar with that unsightly "boob fat" that collects under your arms. Am I right? If that boob fat isn't being contained by your bra, you are wearing the wrong bra. If your boobs are popping out of the top of your bra and creating that oh-so-flattering quad-boob look, you are wearing the wrong bra. If you have any form of mono-boob going on, again, you are wearing the wrong bra.

2. The center band will tell you SO much. Bottom line, that tiny piece of fabric in the center of your bra that connects the cups should ALWAYS lay flush against your chest, and NEVER sticking or poking out in any way. NO EXCEPTIONS. 

3. Where are your nipples? They should be pointing straight ahead like laser beams. If they are pointing anywhere south, gurrrl, you need to contain yo' shit. 

4. The band and wings should feel TIGHT. This might actually be the most valuable piece of information about proper bra fit. All those years of wearing the wrong size, I never felt like I was getting the support I needed. I would tighten and tighten my straps (more on this subject in #5), but all that ever seemed to do was give me sore shoulders. Maria explained that the band and the wings are the part of your bra that are supposed to provide support. When they fit properly and snuggly, they allow your mid back to hold up the weight of your boobs. If they don't fit properly, you're relying on your upper back and shoulders to hold up those knockers, and that explains why you're always in so much fucking pain! When you're wearing your bra, go up to a mirror and turn to your side. The band and wings of your bra should lay visibly below your bust line, and they should stay there throughout the day. If they ride up to fit parallel to your bust line, or even worse, above your bust line, they are too loose; go down a band size.

5. Loosen up those straps! Ok, so now that your bra band is fitting comfortably where it should be, give your back and shoulders a break and take some slack off of your straps. After years of assuming that bra straps are designed for support, I was taught that more than anything, they're really just there to help hold your bra in place. Is that the craziest thing you've ever heard or what? They shouldn't be so loose that they're falling off your shoulders, but if they're creating those painful-looking divots that busty ladies are so famous for, then you need to cut that shit out, mkay?

Ok, now that you're feeling confident about fit, let's go bra shopping. Personally, there are three brands I like the best and highly recommend. This is just my opinion, and I'm sure there are other bras you ladies love, but since these are what I know, they're what I'm sticking to. They are Wacoal, Le Mystére (Oprah's favorite), and Chantelle Intimates; Actually, for the past two years, I've stuck exclusively to Chantelle's "Rive Gauche 3281" Underwire Bra (pictured on the right, below). 


I suggest, at minimum, you have two bras; One should be nude, and one should be black (I have never seen the point of a white bra, if someone would like to explain, please feel free). Another recommendation if you can afford it, is to add a seamless bra and a strapless bra to your collection. Seamless bras are great for t-shirts (big boobs look fabulous in t-shirts), and work well for many other garments too. Strapless silhouettes also compliment an ample bust, and at the very least, a strapless bra will ensure that you don't have to give up items with thinner or unconventionally placed straps. When buying a strapless bra, try and find one that is designed to fit a fuller bust, instead of a regular one that happens to come in bigger sizes. 

And before you even start with me, yes, I understand that they don't typically make fun and colorful and sexy bras in bigger sizes, but that's life... get over it. The smaller boobed girls may have the cooler bras, but we're the ones who, typically, get all the motorboat action. You win some, you lose some.

[Editor's Note: Motorboating is an actual thing??]

Now let's discuss lifespan and care. For your everyday-use bras, I think it's safe to say that after a year, they go in the trash. Please don't bother donating a worn out bra; it's pretty much the equivalent to donating clothes riddled with holes. I know that bras, especially bras designed for big boobs, tend to cost a pretty penny, and that sometimes, committing to all those dollars isn't exactly easy. But you have to see your bras as not only a necessity, but also an investment. I like to do my bra shopping once a year just to get it over with. That way, I don't have to bother thinking about spending a couple hundred dollars on bras for a whole twelve months. A bra that you don't use as often, such as a strapless, will obviously last much longer. 

All bras should ONLY be hand-washed and hung to dry. I know that you're pressed for time sometimes, and that throwing your bra in the wash is simply so much easier; believe me, I am guilty of this mortal sin as well. But if you really want your bras to perform their best and to last you, you need to put in the effort and take thew best care of them. You won't be sorry. Everyone is different, but I rarely, if ever, work up a sweat, so I wash mine roughly once a week.

Alright, guys, take this knowledge and go get yourself a proper bra or two. And if you happen to be larger than a C-cup, unless your tits are busting at the seams with silicone, don't EVER let me catch you running around without a bra. I swear to the baby Jesus, I will cut you.

Tune in tomorrow when Celia brings us everyday clothes for the BOOB-blessed.

That's right, I said it. Everyday clothes.

(Photo at top is Jane Russell, another seriously boobalicious lady.)
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p.s. Please email me your suggestions for #BOOBSWEEK (photos, shopping, motorboat stories....) I never would have made it through #pantsweek without you.

56 comments:

  1. Shop at Nordstrom Rack or Marshalls type stores for good prices on good bras.

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  2. Chantelle is THE best brand for the boob-licious set. Seriously. The Europeans have it down. Sexy, supportive, and expensive. But you'll never look better.

    Celia knows her stuff: smaller band size, bigger cup is usually the issue.

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  3. LOVE THIS ! all of it !

    you know what ? the first time i was properly measured was at the FUCKING GAP of all places, and i'm forever grateful. the gal that measured me was buxom, and clearly knew a thing or two about titties. i'm saying this not because i think the Gap sells good bras (they don't), but because going to one of their 'Body' stores is an option for people who don't live near a proper bra store.

    anywho, thanks again for throwing us big titty girls a bone. (*)(*)

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  4. those were supposed to be boobs. they looked better in courier.

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  5. Just to add on to this amazing post: I have small boobs, but my life changed when somebody told me never wear a bra two days in a row. The synthetic stretchy fabrics last MUCH longer if you alternate.

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  6. I'll jump on the Chantelle bandwagon. Those are some awesome bras.

    I was pretty much flat as a board until I was 16 and shot up to a 32 E within a year. I had a reduction two years ago. My surgeon took 750 cc's from each side (roughly the size of a D-cup implant) and I'm still a 30/32 D.

    I figure after all of that I owe my boobs some really good bras.

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  7. I'm a 32DD. I also love Wacoal and Nordstrom Rack for good prices. Also, it's important to get remeasured occasionally because things change. I also do the yearly bra pilgrimage and try to get it done then.

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  8. I'm so excited about #boobsweek.

    Nordstrom, if you get a nice person, is a pretty good place to go for fittings, too. I've had good luck with Natori, but I might have to try Chantelle. I need to get new bras soon.

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  9. ooooh! so helpful! thanks....

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  10. I don't know if they ship to the US but Bravissimo in the UK makes unbelievably comfy and actually quite good-looking bras for ladies with knockers (like me). I'm addicted. I have this one , one of the more lacy numbers and 2 strapless and have been thrilled. Just beware the sizes are a little different than in the US but it is well worth experimenting if they don't have a size chart.

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    Replies
    1. Bravissimo does ship to the US and their bras are great. I just bought 2; I'm a 36HH.

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  11. fantasie is also a good brand, and if you don't have a store that carries great bras near you or you know your size, this website is great

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  12. Yes! More bra recommendations! Love that. Publishing my introductory post when I get home. ;)

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  13. When I bought my bras at department stores, I wore a 34D.

    True fact: I should have been wearing a 30G all along. Freya and Fantasie have been my best options, but if you live in NY, get thee to the Town Shop.

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  14. Just want to say that I have A cups, but I enjoyed the hell out of this post. And I'm looking forward to the rest of boobsweek. Nicely done!

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  15. Celia,

    Great post. Here's my problem:

    I feel best in a 36B
    When measured they say I'm a 34C

    But 34s give me sausageback and some cup gaping sometimes.

    I just switched back to 36 after a year and it feels much better. No quadboob either.

    What gives?!

    Your bud,
    G

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  16. Just for the record - even the surgically enhanced should wear bras on a regular basis. The muscles that hold up the boob can still stretch and sag, which only leads to the fairly unattractive 'tennis ball in a sock' look!!

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  17. @gracie

    this is confusing me, but let's try and work it out! i've seen you in person, and i would NEVER put you at a 36 band. i'd probably put you closer to a 32. the sausage back you're speaking of typically happens when your band is riding up (like i spoke of in the post). if your band is staying below your bust line in a 36B, and you feel comfortable and supported in that size, then by all means, stick to it. however, i might suggest a 32C for your boob situation. have you tried a C cup with a smaller band? the cup size in a 32 will be smaller than in a 34, so it would eliminate the gaping. get back to me.

    xoxox

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  18. just one other brand to add - I am also a 32DDD/DDDD - Natori. They usually have them in the Nordstrom semi-annual sale!

    One thing I don't think you mentioned - typically, if you have to go up a band size in a certain brand, you're meant to go down one cup size too (e.g. in Natori I wear a 34 DD where in Chantelle I wear a 32 DDD.

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  19. Great post Celia! Also ladies get yourself measured every year or two, as boobs change as weight fluctuates. I'm a sneaky 32E (I say that because bra ladies never believe me until they measure me) and I greatly value the benefits of an awesome bra. My downfall is finding decent seamless bras. And here's one for the brides perhaps - I'm looking for a good cross-backed bra, one of those weird ones for backless dresses so that the band and back straps are really low. Am I making sense? Anyway, I'm getting married and may need one, and for big boobs too!

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  20. I have to disagree - I had a brief bout of hand washing my bras and it was a disaster (the detergent wouldn't rinse clean, and I had a hell of a time getting deodorant off of the bands. The way to go is with lingerie bags. You put your bras in the bags, take them out when the laundry is done and line dry. NEVER, EVER, EVER put your bras in the dryer. EVER. But the washing machine is okay if you use the lingerie bags. In my experience, it's even better.

    Also, I was deeply disappointed with my Chantelle bras. I felt like the straps went really quickly, and just didn't hold up. Maidenform, on the other hand, are made from some kind of indestructible material and last like crazy.

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  21. Motorboating is a thing. My husband pretty much lives for it.

    I DO love me some chantelle, and second the recommendation for freya and fantasie as well as elomi, who makes the one and only sports bra (with an underwire) that has ever "worked" and been comfortable for me.

    I seriously wish there was a better place to buy bras locally for me, but at 36J/ GG it's trial and error via the Internet for me.

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  22. Dear Editor,
    How do you not know that motorboating *is* an actual thing?

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  23. YES!!! So glad this discussion is happening!!!! I also learned, after repeated fittings, that I was not a 36D, or a 34DD, but actually a 32DDD as well. And I also learned well into my bra-wearing career that you let the straps down. Changed my life in every way listed by Celia. This is the best write-up on big boob bras EVER. Can't wait to read more.

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  24. this is quite possibly one of the bests posts evarrrr.

    and @gracie, I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM. but my problem is also that I am between a B and C cup, so the C cup is a bit gappy and I spill out of the B cup. ugh. stupid boobs. also, my left tit is bigger than my right, but that's a whole separate issue.

    (hello, internets! kat's tits 101!)

    hooray for tittehs!!

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  25. This is my favorite thing to hit the internet since... ever.

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  26. I've motor-boated friends for their birthday, it's a tradition. You should try it.

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  27. Oh, and from one DD-girl to another, for God's sake PLEASE get yourself a good sports bra too. It's worth every penny. I like the one by Champion.

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  28. I also <3 wacoal! The best. As is this post!

    But I have to ask, where do you go to be fitted? I once went to VS and they told me I was a C....which, let me tell you, is hilarious.

    I wear 38DD, but the connection between cups never, ever lays flat, so maybe my cup size needs to be bigger? Where do I go for help?

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  29. @Miss K, you need a smaller band and a larger cup. 36E!

    @TRSG, yes. And they do exist -- it took me years of trying, but I found one. If you can find a Title 9 near you, go try them on.

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  30. Thanks so much for this!

    What is *the best* strapless for a soon-to-be bride?? (Offers the support so I'm not tugging at the girls all night AND is sexy as hell for the husbs)

    Cheers!

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  31. @sharon i've never tried a lingerie bag, but i'm sure they work splendidly. i use detergent made for delicate fabrics; you need VERY little because most detergents are HIGHLY concentrated. typically, i rinse, soak, and repeat a couple times to get it al out. it's a process, but i'm pretty used to doing it at this point. also my main issue with maidenform bras is that i find they give my tits that pointy/bullet shape look. i HATE that look for myself, but i know that other women are cool with it. i've been buying chantelle bras since the spring of 2009, and they've all lasted me approximately between 10 months and a year. maybe you just had a bad bra? happens.

    @everyone else THANK YOU for recommending sports bras! i, um, NEVER exercise, so it's a subject i'm not exactly knowledgable in. also, motorboating is fun for all involved. ;)

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  32. @amy and @anon 8:45 my tits are no spring chickens, so it's been years since i've attempted any sort of weird strap/strapless look. it's not that i don't think i can pull it off, but more that i don't want to put it in the effort. it sounds like both of you might need bustiers; i always found they worked best. :)

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  33. perfect timing. i just went bra shopping today and the ladies pressured me into buying a 34g saying it's ok if the band isn't as snug as i'm used to. i'm normally a 32 and know what feels supportive, but there were two of them. i'm a shallow (i'm talking tah-tah tissue, not personality) 32gg/32h and needed this post to remind me i don't need to settle for an $80 crappy bra out of desperation. the hunt shall continue!

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  34. @ Miss K you can get fitted at Nordstrom's and Fredericks....perhaps VS said you were a C because they don't carry larger cup sizes.

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  35. It sounds crazy but I never was able to find a proper fitting bra until I got knocked up and had to get a nursing bra. They're pretty ugly but soooo comfortable. My partner loves the peek-a-boo part too :/

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  36. I've also been told to never hang the bra by one strap, especially when wet. It wears the straps out. Hang them to dry by the center portion instead. Also, they should be stored flat, or tucked into each other like they do at the stores, not one cup folded into the other. That warps the cups.

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  37. This post is a DREAM. COME. TRUE. I've cursed my 32E's since the day they unceremoniously arrived, but this summer I found a bra that actually makes me want to walk the streets topless just to show off my rack: http://www.journelle.com/elle-macpherson-cloud-swing-d-g-cup-bra.html Bought it in three colours, love it to death. It's sexy as all get out, and they stay where they belong. Thank you so much for this, all you boobs.

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  38. I think that Wizard of Bras link just changed my life. I just measured myself their way and I've clearly been wearing the wrong bra size forever, which explains why me and my bra drawer are not friends. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

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  39. Use Forever New. Always handwash.

    Oh, and avoid Victoria's Secret. No, really. Like plague.

    That is all.

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  40. Anybody ever had any luck finding non-underwire bras for larger bust sizes? I know, I know, I should be wearing underwires for the support but they hurt. I don't like them. I've tried on a bajillion of them and I still don't like them.

    And for any smaller busted women out there, you should still go get a fitting because you may not be as small as you think you are. I actually walked into a bra shop (Soma) a few years ago after wearing a 38A for over a decade and was immediately told I was wearing the wrong size bra, was fitted and lo and behold I was a 34D. It kind of blows my mind that I was that far off. I think I spent the next week just staring at the cleavage I never knew existed because I'd smushed it all against my chest with my A cups.

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  41. woah, I just yesterday had my first proper fitting in what I previously would have considered a pretentious bra shop, and I swear I hadn't even seen this post. Purchased one Le Mystére and one Chantelle, after being told I was wearing too large a band and too small a cup size. The biggest point that should be made is that it doesn't matter if you are big or small--- get a proper fitting and you will be on your way to a more comfortable bra (and better cleavage).

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  42. I've had luck with a store called "Change" in Toronto. Apparently it's from one of the Nordic countries (can't remember which) but they fit like a dream. From 36D/DD to 32G was a weird jump ... but totally worth it.

    Also, what the (amazing) girl there told me: places like VS and La Senza deliberately misfit you if your boobs are too big. (They don't have your size so they stick you in something that is a stretch but they think will work).

    Also, be wary of department store fittings sometimes. Sears let me down bad once.

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  43. THANK YOU Celia and ESB and all the commenters!
    I've struggled to find bras & clothes that fit my ludicrous 30G girls for years, and it's so nice to hear what others ladies have found! The more we discuss and demand bras that actually fit, the more will be available... Rock on, BOOBSWEEK.

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  44. @whoever wanted a reasonably sexy strapless that STAYS PUT

    It's mainly for girls who are bigger (starting at band size 34), but this longline bra served me very well the last time I needed to go strapless. It gives the girls a little bit of a retro shape, which is surprisingly sexy. If not this one, try another longline, a regular strapless is not going to give you the support that you need if you are a large cup size.

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  45. Amazing! I found the post and the comments really helpful, and that wizard site is awesome. Good to know about how to really measure for bra sizes - no one has ever done a fitting for me that way before. I passed the link along to my much-more-well-endowed sister. I've been meaning to go to this place with some amazing commercials (The Booby Trap) in Newfoundland soon.

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  46. bras are hard. thank you, celia! i'll try the 32C. xoxoxoxo you're the breast!

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  47. As a 32G I cannot tell you how much finding a good bra has changed my outlook on how I look/feel. I shop at Intimacy (they are in several places in the US) and have found wonderful bras there (and great customer service). They are on the expensive side (I have yet to buy a bra <$100) but oh so worth it! They measure you by putting your glorious tata's into a bra and going from there. I would highly recommend them.

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  48. nyc ladies: get thee to town shop, stat! as a 30e, they changed my life and will do the same for you.

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  49. Personally I wash my bras in the shower once a week and once month I hand wash them in the sink with whatever hand wash liquid I've got.

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  50. Ok so I went to the the booby trap (as I mentioned above) and amazing! 32 B to 30 DD. And everything looks way, way different (at least to me). Thank you for the kick in the pants to go to the pros and get sorted out! Also Panache is what they had that worked well for me.

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  51. i think bra shopping sucks, no matter your size!

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  52. Thank you so much for this post, Celia and ESB. It inspired me to get measured, and it turns out I'm a 32D, although I've been wearing a 34C since I was 16. My bras fit decently since they're the same cup size, but I've never been able to find a decent strapless bra (the 34s fall down and I spill out of a 32C). This was such an eye-opener for me!

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  53. After looking at other reviews I had some high (literally) expectations for wonderbra bra. Unfortunately, while I would still say it is a decent strapless bra in terms of comfort, it definitely does not provide the lift that I was hoping for.

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