Monday, January 9, 2012

dear men: pls ignore this UTTER BULLSH*T


if I caught you practicing "Will you marry me?" in the bathroom mirror, I would die laughing. just fyi.




barf barf barf barf barf.
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Whoopsies, I cropped the footer from the assmunches who sent this to me. Sorry, assmunches!

38 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

    i'm just laughing that supposed assmunches don't ready your blog. obviously.

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  2. this advice would probably work if you're a guy proposing to the girl pictured in "the classic pose"

    gee whiz!

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  3. @nikki you mean the girl that looks like she's pussing her pants? 'cause that's sexy.

    can I also add that I am incredibly grateful that joe was smart enough NOT to propose in a public place, or in front of other people? It's not a fucking broadway show, guys.

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  4. And apparently "the classic pose" for the woman is... really needing to pee?

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  5. I want to believe that girl is wearing shoulder length gloves.

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  6. The martial industrial complex, hard at work right there.

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  7. Pro-tip: propose when she reeeeally has to pee.

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  8. So I shouldn't stream it live to the interwebs?

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  9. My fiance proposed when I was walking back downstairs from the bathroom.

    Also, this lesson has taught me that either gay people don't get married, or they're too smart for this dumb fucking cheat sheet.

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  10. This is why fucking Carly from the fucking The Knot is the lemming lady population's God.

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  11. What on earth...where did you even find this?!

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  12. Oy, I just read this article about "proposal planners" in the NYT. I can't believe that needs to be a thing! I am also glad my husband didn't make a big production out of it but then again I doubt we'd be together if he was the type that was into flash-mobbing me with a ring or something.

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  13. 'Will you marry me?' It's 5 syllables for the love of all things sacred. Someone who needs to practise a sentence that simple has bigger problems than pursuading some poor lass to marry him. And someone who writes an article telling some idiot to practice those 5 syllables needs to have a serious word with themselves.

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  14. NYT article, if you feel like getting more annoyed.

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  15. I think the price tag alone would freak out most men that stumbled across this!!! And I'm sure I"m with the masses when I say - to me it's more romantic if it seems a bit like the guy is nervous and hasn't made this 100% planned out thing.

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  16. My husband proposed when I was looking for raisins in the kitchen cabinet and complaining that we didn't have any sweets. Pure romance.

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  17. holy WIC

    my guy always threatened to quote this song

    and god damn if he didn't

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  18. How disgustingly heteronormative.

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  19. How disgustingly heteronormative.

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  20. How disgustingly heteronormative.

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  21. I love the 88% of people seeking their "soulmate." Gag.

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  22. Top pic on left - looks like the girl is saying she wants to shoot him and the guy is about to make himself puke. Seems about right...

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  23. @Maggie

    Ugh, proposal consultants? I think all that over-planned rubbish makes it non-romantic. I would rather find a ring in the bottom of a bucket of KFC than be subjected to most of the scenarios they've put together.

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  24. will we ever see the day when women will stop falling for this heteronormative fairy-tale (or nightmare) where they're a little princess that needs to be coddled and planned for? that is until it's wedding planning time, where apparently men don't have any say. BARF.

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  25. uuuuuuggghhhhh
    also it took me a while to understand the "the secret is the biggest proposal don't" part. i think perhaps the bold is misleading, terrible infographic makers. also look at how massive the cartoon ring is on that finger -- woah.

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  26. You are all so unique and above traditional proposals. blah blah blah... go whine about it over coffee and mumford and sons... How are random thoughtless proposals so much "better" than a guy who thinks them through?

    Go get married in some sparkly Toms while sipping home made beer from ball jars.

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  27. Right, Anon! Especially if he has to be TOLD TO THINK IT THROUGH.

    That right there is what makes a proposal special.

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  28. Anon 11:10, you don't even go to this school!

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  29. Anon 11:10, my proposal was very romantic and traditional and involved a beach and a ring and getting down on one knee. It just wasn't professionally planned, orchestrated, videotaped, blogged, expensive or probably "perfect" as defined by the WIC and I'm pretty sure my husband didn't need to even consult a chart before pulling it off.

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  30. I think y'all are too hard on this chart. Things like that "price tag" are just averages -- every guy should know what they can afford and also have an idea of what their lady expects.

    My proposal was very well planned (by my guy, not some professional -- that's just crazy) and required a somewhat hefty chunk of change. He told me he looked at the ring every night for a month to make sure it was "good enough" for me, and I swooned when I heard that. So yes, to date, my proposal is the best day of my life. And I'm glad he was prepared. Though strangely I'm not part of the 88% and he never spit out the magic four words (I was too busy laughing/crying/shouting yes at the site of the ring).

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  31. Anon 11:10, no one even liked those sparkly Toms!

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  32. Where are they getting these averages? In what world will $3500 get you a 1.18 carat rock? just sayin. I echo the chorus of barf and question their facts.

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