A much-needed rant regarding beer budgets, snooty fiancés and bullshit calligraphy

First, I love your blog, and I love the stories, advice, and oh la la the fashion.

I have to rant.

In an effort to have a champagne wedding on my beer budget, many corners, albeit ones that I was comfortable with cutting, needed to be cut. As a practical bride, I eliminated the need for fancy "Save the Dates" and DIY-ed mine, hello business card magnets, a copy machine, and self stick laminate! Another budget buster, invitations, foregoing the letterpress that I love, I decided to go the minted.com route, and find invitations at a fraction of the price knowing that only a few people would actually give a shit about my invitations outside of myself and hey, for the price, they are pretty cool.

So in another effort to cut cost, and make my life easier, I thought online RSVP on a custom site that would enable guest inventory, food options, table seating, etc. was a no brainer, especially for a techie like me. Insert bomb number 1, the fiance finds online RSVP to be tacky. Yet he is in the software industry... touche. I think it's a great way to organize, keep myself from creating a Xanax habit, and hey, be Green too!

So then, I have pretty cool handwriting, and I planned on addressing each envelope in my handwriting but a little more stylish.. Insert Bomb number 2, the fiance finds it necessary to hire an expensive Calligrapher to write on the fucking envelopes of our minted.com invitations and claims that the "Calligraphy sets the tone of your event." I call bullshit.

If people are so concerned with the fucking scribe on the front of their envelope as opposed to just being thrilled to share in our day with us, then they have major problems, not us for not using an expensive Calligrapher! The way my mind works is that that money could go towards extra food or booze for our guests... or should I pay the Calligrapher to write on the envelope, "because of this fancy writing that you will look at for 5 seconds, throw in the trash and not care, an appetizer has been removed from the party, please eat this envelope in lieu of that appetizer." haha.

What are your thoughts?

*****

Please tell your fiancé to remove the stick from his ass.

You already "set the tone" of the wedding with your DIY Save the Date's. Hiring a calligrapher to address your minted.com invitations sounds like some serious bullshit to me.

Also, if you want people to actually RSVP, you'd better at least offer an online option.

YOU: 2
FIANCÉ: 0

Natalia Zakharova by Michael Donovan via Rowena Murillo + FASHIONOGRAPHY

is 'no manners' the new 'casual manners'? (Regarding the RSVP)

dearest esb-

my lovely fiance and i will be married in less than three weeks. we are 31 and 30 years old, which i feel is relative to my inquiry. prior to all the wedding rigmarole, i thought myself to be on the up-an-up side of things when it came to attending parties, showers and RSVP-ing. however, after recently looking at both of these situations under a microscope, i have to admit that I WAS WRONG and could have been doing a much better job at both. you read the printed word? i hereby pledge to always RSVP in a timely fashion. where's the blog icon for that?

what boggles my mind, though, is the generally apathetic informality of people my age when it comes to party behavior and manners. i anticipated the lack of RSVP's, but i did not foresee the very bad and downright tacky behavior by our ADULT friends. we were thrown a co-ed stock-the-bar party yesterday and i was horrified to learn that of the 60 invited guests (all local area friends whom we have recently hosted in our home or attended showers/parties for), twelve returned the courtesy of a reply to the hosts. TWELVE. and yet over thirty attended. as to further odd behavior, the party was from 4-6 pm, and the best man arrived wasted. one guest texted us hours before the party to say that they (plus six other guests) had planned to attend, but had a rec-league softball game that evening, and thus couldn't make it. two guests, who we visited the day before, said that, nah, they didn't really feel like it, when we asked if we'd see them at the shower. a coworker handed me her invitation with CAN'T COME written on it, and asked if i could please let my friends know. one girl told me, as her actual response, 'we have a baby now.'

now please don't misunderstand me. our friends, despite the appalling lack of tact, are a great bunch. i'm not some crazed bride who thinks it's ME o'clock, ready to hold grudges against half of our close(r) friends who weren't there for whatever reason. it isn't that i expected everyone to come. it isn't that i assumed everyone on that list was my BFF who wouldn't miss it for the world and it isn't that i presume to be the most important thing happening on a sunny sunday afternoon.

i just found it fairly rude to the hosts.

they had no idea what to plan for, and fortunately, had tremendously over-compensated. even if only twelve people had attended, there was a large amount of finances and planning that went into the whole event, and i find it more a matter of respect for your peers. i mean, we are adults... adults living in the supposedly genteel south, i might add. i'm already slated to host the next bridal shower, and i am dreading the guessing game of who will and who will not be there/RSVP/RSVP and yet not attend, and so on.

it occurred to me that this breach in etiquette amongst people my age is either an epidemic that rights itself with maturity, or just another revolting sign of the downturn in manners, but regardless, applies to all party and event situations. so i ask you, as a future RSVP-requester, is this just the way things are for today's modern couple? is 'no manners' the new 'casual manners'? will manners come back into fashion, much like skinny ties and martini lunches and hats on women, a la mad men? when is it okay to NOT RSVP? what constitutes a valid reason to NOT attend a good friend's party? is it okay for hosts to contact non-RSVP-ers as the event grows near? what is the best way to convey that A TIMELY RESPONSE, even if it is no, WOULD BE REALLY, REALLY NICE.

répondez s'il vous plaît.

ps-DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON PEOPLE WHO DON'T WRITE THANK-YOUS.

*****

First off, I think "RSVP" and "répondez s'il vous plait" should both be permanently retired. I mean. We don't live in PARIS, do we? "Please respond" is much more direct, and everyone knows what it means.

I'd say it's never okay not to RSVP, er, respond. (Note to self: Must RSVP to that holiday thingee...) But you don't get to decide "what constitutes a valid reason" for not attending your party/shower/wedding. Welcome to friends with babies.

Part III. It is absolutely okay to call or email nonrespondents to say "HEY SHITBAGS: ARE YOU COMING TO THE PARTY, OR WHAT? WE NEED TO KNOW HOW MUCH BEER TO BUY."

(Image via TaHe)