SEEKING: this Dolce for 2K or less

Dear ESB,

Terrified by the thought of wearing a white poofy/strapless/sweat heart/trumpet/cupcake gown, I have been looking and looking for a unique gown that still reads wedding. I've seen great alt bridal at Stone Fox, Bona Drag, etc. but I'm 5'8'', size 6 with a lot of T (34DD) and A so a drop-waist, plunging neck, backless, slip something isn't going to cut it. 

I stalked this Dolce number online and knew it would be love. I tried it on and it was PERFECT. The floral print practically became my vision for my September farm wedding in Maine. The ruching was really flattering. It was the perfect amount of sexy and everything was contained.

Coming back to Earth -- this dress is 5,000. My budget is 2,000 or less. I can't spend the champagne money on this dress. I'm back on the hunt, but not sure I'll find anything as unique. I'm also in a bit of time crunch (wedding is end of Sept 2013). 

Thoughts??

thnx a mill!

*****

WHO FEELS LIKE SHOPPING??


I'm busy obsessing about tables. We marked it out on the floor, and it seems my perfect perfect perfect table is too deep for the space. (Not too long, but too DEEP.) Sadface. I'm thinking we might have to go the custom route...

YOU GUYS

We're about to pull the trigger on this baby from Design Within Reach.

It's not cheap, but it is the perfect perfect perfect minimalist multipurpose desk/dining table to go under our big windows and it is made out of MOTHERFUCKING STEEL and I am over the moon.

We had the Ikea knock-off tulip table in the bungalow for 5 years, and though it looked good (from afar), it was wobbly, the plastic base attracted dirt like crazy, and the surface scratched off if you scrubbed to hard.

I'm turning FORTY. I'm too old for that shit.*
______________________________

*Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I will now shut up about how I'm turning 40 and you can all go back to pretending I am precisely your age.

sometimes I want it from someone else.

Hey ESB,

I'm writing to you super anonymously because this whole topic makes me nervous. Well, more embarrassed than nervous.

I want to get other people's advice on fidelity.

I've been married for 2 years, and love my husband. He is freakishly smart, extremely compassionate, and is a seriously handsome devil. But sometimes I have dreams about other men. Not hot sex dreams (I wish), but dreams where another man "likes" me, we make eyes at each other, he's crazy about me but we don't touch, or he writes me love letters that drive me crazy, like cheesy Nicholas Sparks shit (I've never read any of his books, but admit I watched The Notebook). I wake up the next morning and wish my husband made me feel that same way that these anonymous men do in my dreams. Sometimes he does. God, this is embarrassing to even write out.

Back in reality, I occasionally have crushes. Most women do. But for the first time in years (my husband and I dated for 11 years before getting married), a crush reciprocated and asked me to hang out, standing a little too close for comfort. I stammered some nonsense about not being able to, but didn't say I was married. It was hard to spit those words out. I can't say I wasn't tempted to pretend I was not married. It feels so good to be wanted.

My husband is into me, loves me, tells me I'm sexy, grabs me out of the blue, but sometimes I want it from someone else.

How do other people deal with these feelings? Do you shove them way down inside and hope they go away? Do they think of other men when having sex with their husbands? Do they have affairs just to see what another man feels like? Can people flirt harmlessly?

I know I need to tell my crush I'm not available, but it's hard closing that door. The most selfish parts of me want to keep up the ruse for the attention, the affirmation, the thrill. Like I said, embarrassing.

Thoughts from the pack of snarky women out there? I appreciate all of your input and experience.

*****

I'm pretty sure I can safely say that 30-90% of married women have similar feelings at some time or another. Not just the crush part. The "sometimes I want it from someone else" part. Doesn't EVERYONE have those feelings at some point? Human beings weren't built to be monogamous.

That said, I don't recommend that you run out and have an affair. If you want to go down the monogamish road you need to discuss it with your husband and get his permission. You'll have to decide if the wanting-it-from-someone-else is, as Dan Savage would say, a "deal breaker" for you.*

The alternative is to flirt. And, yes, there's such a thing as harmless flirting. *Hot* harmless flirting, even, which can fuel your fantasy life and liven up the sex you're having with your husband. (Feel free to think of other men during that sex! Or to imagine your husband is a different, cheesy, Nicholas Sparks-y man.)

Again, just don't deceive or mislead anyone. You really do have to tell that guy you're married.

And now.... I'm eager to hear from the peanut gallery. I've enabled anonymous comments today, for obvious reasons.

Arnaud Lajeunie via Kroutchev Planet Photo via PCKSHT

______________________________

*Do you listen to Dan Savage? Everyone should listen to Dan Savage.

There's an enormous knot in the pit of my stomach.

It's been there for two days.

Possible causes:

a) cramps

b) the approach of my 40th birthday

c) anxiously awaiting notes on script x

d) dreading returning to work on script y

e) feeling stagnant here on the blog

f) mezcal

Or could it be THE MOON?

I&S BBDO for Nishinihon Tenrei via Colossal via nd +

unfancifying a dress?

Dear ESB,

So in the spirit of being sooooo laidback guys I'm not a bridezilla I swear I let my bridesmaids pick their own (navy) dresses. All well & good, except one woman picked this and the other one this.

Both lovely dresses and they'll each look great, but kinda like they're at different weddings? I offered to buy them (nonmatching) jewelry to wear so I'm wondering if you have any ideas for necklaces that would casualify the Monique Lhuillier or dress up the Asos one.

Difficulty level: not much more than $50, preferably orange or close to it.

*****

This is not a problem that can be solved with a necklace.

This is a problem that can be solved with: a) just pick the damn dresses for them or b) BE FINE WITH IT. kapish?

Six Dresses to Run Away In

When I posted this lil Zara dress the other day, Jamie immediately emailed me to ask: want to post a whole round up of dresses for the runaway brides??

I said hell yeah!

(And then Amber, of Pitbulls and Posies, did this paste-up to complement the runaway inspiration board, which makes me feel very fancy.)

If you *kind of* want to elope, but you also *kind of* want rad wedding photos and live music and craft cocktails and a stylish little venue (and the thought of Vegas makes you gag) .... Why not head down to San Diego on May 26 and just get er done?

Wearing one of these dresses, obvs: 1 Zara (again) ($90), 2 Girl by Band of Outsiders ($370), 3 Reality Studio ($335), 4 Acne ($480), 5 Lindsey Thornburg ($2080), 6 Iris & Ink ($175)

A + N's effing gorgeous California wedding

The beaming bride, the kick-ass dress, the California light.... These photos from Rad + In Love are slayin me this morning.

And Alejandra is so laid back about it all. D'you think I can take a teeeeeensy bit of credit?

Here's what she had to say:

I have such a hard time talking about my own wedding because it was a culmination of so many different story lines. It's hard to pick out one thread without unravelling the whole tapestry. I'll share a few wedding highlights in lieu of a full story.

The beginning:
My day began unintentionally early (before 7am!) because I just couldn't sleep anymore. All I could think about were my vows. My perfectionist self was literally dreaming about the words I would say, so I just got up and started to write them. I didn't even end up saying what I'd written, but it didn't matter. I could write new vows every day forever and I'd still never be able to capture everything. I realized that morning that it was ok not to get it all in one shot. We will keep reworking and living those vows out until the end!

When it hit me:
I didn't feel like anything huge in my life was changing since I had already been living with Nick for almost four years. However, little moments throughout the day kept reminding me that the party was happening -- now! I especially like remembering the moment I walked into the bathroom after dinner. As the door swung open, I saw my girlfriends for the first time that day and I instantly screamed like a teenage girl. I was overwhelmed with all the excitement and love.

Our wedding team:
We were lucky to be surrounded by an awesome group of people. I cannot recommend any of them enough. Indulge me as I share a little bit about them.

- Photographers: Rad + In Love
These ladies are outrageously talented, but they're also down-to-earth and will go the distance to capture your day. Seriously, an amazing team. At one point, Michelle jumped on her car roof to get the right angle, it caved in, and she just kept on shooting! We love them to death!

- Wedding planner extraordinaire: Allie Shane from Pop the Champagne
Words cannot express enough how dedicated and bad-ass Allie is. She provided the muscle for a wedding planned in three months from across the country (while we were also buying an apartment and moving; getting a new job; and taking night classes). When all we wanted to do was avoid decision making and fall asleep, she kept us moving forward. Without her, I would still be planning. Allie's secret is that she knows when to hold your hand, when to direct, and how to make it all fun.

- Venue: The Annenberg Community Beach House
Our Annenberg coordinator, Carol, worked closely with Allie to make our day totally seamless. She was delightful to work with and the venue was spectacular.

- Florist: Floret Cadet
Since we love flowers, but were too far across the country (and by this point in the planning process, running out of money) to dream too big, we needed someone we could trust to take a couple ideas and just run with them. From the moment we met Kate we knew we were in good hands. We left her to surprise us on the day and she did in the best way possible.

- DJ: Sean Osborne
So charming, kind, and he kept the party going! Sean was totally focused on making sure Nick and I got what we wanted in our playlist and on the wedding day. Right after our ceremony, as Nick and I took a moment to just be alone, he played a little song for us to dance together. It was really touching.

What I would do over:
I would sleep a whole lot more that week and I would eat a huge breakfast. That would've rocked.

Unexpected:
We had originally daydreamed about having my sister and her whole band, The Del-Reys, perform, but that was logistically difficult. Instead, I was genuinely surprised when my sister got up to sing right after the toasts. She performed a killer a cappella rendition of "Si Nos Dejan" (I used to have a mariachi band in college) and then led everyone in singing "You've Got a Friend" together. It was such an awesome gift that she would still sing to us without any music in front of the whole room.

My favorite:
During the rehearsal the day before, I worried that our ceremony would be an unprepared disaster. So much planning had gone into the weekend, but we had very little set in stone for the part that was most important to us -- the ceremony. The morning of, I let it all go and rolled with the day. The ceremony ended up being beautiful.... 

In retrospect, it was just like every decision we made for our wedding. It didn't matter exactly what we did, everything ended up being a reflection of something Nick and I were building together. That made it perfect. The fact that the sun was shining and birds were chirping as Nick shared his vows was just crazy luck.

The ending:
I had told myself in advance to take a moment during the last dance to soak it all in. I'm so glad I did. I got to see those who were left all together on the dance floor enjoying themselves. The feeling of love was all around and I was so filled with happiness at that moment.

The real ending:
We got legally married at New York City's Marriage Bureau a week after we returned from our honeymoon on Kauai. Throughout the whole engagement, I had been torn between a courthouse wedding and a personalized ceremony. We ended up being so busy before leaving for our wedding in LA that we never got a California marriage license. The courthouse was a blast and I'm so glad we accidentally got both ceremonies. All dreams (unintentionally) fulfilled!

*****

Q: Have you ever seen a smile that big?

A: No, no you have not.

♥

Photos by Rad + In Love. (Go check out tons more images from this wedding over on the Rad + Love blog.)

p.s. Recognize the dress? Alejandra left that model in the DUST.

Seeking: a dress to match a fascinator

Dear ESB,

I'm so happy that I have an excuse to email you. I'm having a fascinator made for my shower, as I won a custom-made hat at a derby party last year. The headpiece is being modeled after this one [see above].

I have tried on dress after dress and have been happy with NADA. All this over just a shower dress! I'm a 34D so open-backed dresses are a no-go, as I look simply pornographic without a bra. My budget is $500 max.

Any suggestions?

P.S. I think I love this dress, but I'm afraid it's too Lolita-esque, especially with the fascinator.

*****

I was all ready to say DON'T WEAR A FUCKING FASCINATOR, but am now eating my words. That shit is awesome.

SAVE IT FOR YOUR FUCKING WEDDING!


p.s. Will yours be made out of a karate belt?????? I hope I hope.

A tale of two dresses....

Dear ESB,

I have a tale of two dresses for you, followed by an opportunity for other ESB readers.

I fell in love with this orange ombre beauty [pictured above] via the wonderful (and extremely unhelpful) world of tumblr.  ... somehow I managed to track down the dress, and the artist who created it. I emailed her in hopes of being able to borrow it for my big day (we are on a budget and I was drastically trying to save some dough)... Months passed and I never heard back, so for fear of not having anything to wear, I went looking for something else... Enter Mara Hoffman: all seeing bridal gown...

This dress is stunning, it's to die for, and I'm tall and have small boobs so it actually worked on my body, problem solved, dress checked off the list. (1,200.00$ later).

A few weeks after I purchased the Mara beauty, I get an email from the lovely Martha Webb, expressing how much she'd love to loan me the gown, free of charge, for my big day... She sent it a few weeks later (from LONDON) and now I have the dress of my dreams, and I actually feel like this wedding is real.

This wedding is definitely real, as are all of the insane costs that are building up. So I would like to pass on the Mara Hoffman gown to another tall small boobed bride. It's a size 4 and has never been worn other than when I've tried it on a few times. Not sure if you've had anyone looking for this dress but I'm definitely ready to sell it, the sooner the better.

I will for sure be sending you lots of photos from the big day, which is 20 fucking days away.... (breeeeeath, keep breathing).

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

*****

It seems you weren't the first one to obsess over that ombre dress.... But I have a feeling you'll rock it harder than this no-boobed model.

WE CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE PHOTOS.



(Small-boobed ladies: email me if you want the Mara Hoffman.)

PhD Panic

Dear ESB,

Ummm, so... I’m having a bit of wardrobe crisis.

In ten days time I have the most important exam of my life so far. Obviously, as opposed to working, I’m busy stressing about clothes.

I am about to take the transfer (upgrade) exam from MPhil to PhD. The exam is a viva voce, although not as long or scary, as the one at the end of PhD. It's an hour and a half long in front of a panel of 5 academics.

I don't know what to wear and I know it shouldn't matter but it really, really does. The problem is I'm studying at art college (this one), in the fashion department. My tutors wear Comme des Garçons and Margiela, my co-students wear their own creations and I have been writing in my pajamas for the last three weeks

My style up until recently was sort of tangled vintage. The thing is I'm 32, I want to be taken seriously and I'm not sure 30s tea dresses and laddered tights cut it anymore? I don’t want to look like a manic pixie dream girl; I want to look competent and strong. I'm just not quite sure how to do it.

So could someone find me the perfect PhD exam outfit? Dress or skirt and top with awesome shoes would be wonderful. I'm a UK 10, blonde, pale and extremely curvy (big ass and big tits). I need to be able to purchase online (and preferably in the UK).

Demanding, I know….

Bit in love with these shoes, btw……

Budget: About £300? I am profligate as well as unproductive

*****

go minimalist

a black dress (zara again)

and killer shoes, obvs

if you want snakeskin
i vastly prefer this pair
note: get your hair cut!