A tale of two dresses.... The FOLLOW UP

Surprise! It's Paige Lowe -- our lady who took her own engagement photos. 

I told you she'd ROCK that ombre dress.

Paige says:

The day and the dress were perfect (minus not exactly fitting, big girl + little dress = keyhole open back cuz it wouldn't button...but I kinda dug it!) (also minus the photo booth company completely failing and not working at all --- OH WELL!)

Other side note - I had my 15 year old INTERN take these photos, it was a HUGE learning experience for her and I got to walk her through every step (and edit the photos myself, big plus). huge huge huge exposure and experience for her, and a HUGE budget cut for us!

#umhelloamazingphotos #radinteren

Tune in to 100 Layer Cake first thing tomorrow morning for tons more photos/dets.

I'll tell you a secret: The dress is gorg, of course, and the images are gorg, but THE WEDDING THE WEDDING THE WEDDING.

Digby & Iona + TAXIDERMY!

Two of my very favorite things.



See more of the photos by Amy Shutt over on style carrot.

Shop Digby & Iona here and here.

Welcome to our sexy sexy first installment of WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG?

(Click to enlarge, should you care to.)

Inspired by this post that for some reason really amused me this morning (plus every "What's in your bag?" series on every blog ever), I bring you WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG? ESB-style.

I know nothing about this anonymous reader except that she is rad.

What bag is currently in your wardrobe rotation? A LV tote borrowed from a friend for last weekend in Napa. A purple marker opened up on the inside and made a huge stain. Have not figured out how to position this yet.

What’s inside? My stepson’s phone we confiscated for inappropriate use. My phone which holds a charge for about ten minutes. Two reminders for counselor appointments, along with the Wi-Fi code for the psych hospital. Two dirty scrunchies, a bracelet from the Napa Valley festival. Allergy meds and Pepcid. Detangling brush and comb, along with texture paste for fine hair. Four drug store lip balms, blush from 2009. IPad, company id badge, sunglasses, 1 mentos, 26 store receipts, the map of my community for community watch. Also a crumpled paper towel I used to wipe glazed donut crumbs off my fingers this morning. Hand sanitizer. 27 cents. No idea where my wallet and keys might be. DVDs of Love Actually and Bridesmaids - we're carrying these now, right?

What is the one item we will always find in your bag? Cough drop wrappers

What is your favorite thing about your job? Counting how many people don’t wash their hands after they pee.

Where is your favorite place in Los Angeles to grab a drink/bite? Cheesecake Factory and Olive Garden.

What are your top three favorite stores in Los Angeles to shop? Macy's, Kohls and Forever 21.

If you could tell your 22-year-old self one thing it would be.... Look into rose oil

What is your ultimate guilty pleasure? esb

p.s Have I told you lately that I love you? I FUCKING LOVE YOU GUYS.

Do we need a Wedding Photographer? (Sponsored by Calin + Bisous)

Several brides have emailed me in the past few months to ask "Do we need a Wedding Photographer?" "Can't we just ask our friends to send us their photos?" "We don't feel the need to capture thousands of perfectly styled images of our wedding…" etc.

Here's Callie from Calin + Bisous to answer that very question….

You do not *need* a wedding photographer. You want one! And it's okay! And here's why.

1. Your wedding is a big deal. Your wedding photos are a big deal, too. And we are professional photo takers. Unlike your arty photographer friend from college, who will wander off during the first dance to take pictures of the catering truck, or the fashionista friend with the really great 35mm camera who will run out of film in the middle of the ceremony.... we are on top of our game for 8 hours straight.

2. Our job is to make you look fantastical in your photos. We like to run around and fix your hair and adjust your bridesmaids' boobs (if necessary). And we always tell you when you have lipstick on your teeth. We learn where you need to be and when, and we calmly get you there because we care that you're not flipped out and crazy lookin. Like I said, we want you to look really good in the photos.

3. We are crowd pleasers. We are day-of planners that you didn't ask for. We are your very own fairy godmothers. We usher you and your new spouse away when that receiving line you didn't plan on starts forming. Our camera bags double as bouquet and clutch holders. Your step-uncle once removed, who took one photography class in college, 37 years ago, brought a flask of whiskey to your all-local-craft-beer wedding and he's chatty? I got this. Go be at your wedding.

4. I can't speak for other wedding photographers, but I care deeply that people are happy whenever they're around me. (Happy people make for better photos.) The more I am running around getting shots, helping out, keep the massive cluster-!@&$ of family photos moving along, the more delighted I am.

This last one's just from me.

5. Everyone should be able to afford the photography they want, wherever they are, without hidden fees or scary terms or such bare-bones "basic" packages that you have to include all the extras to make them work.

I offer an all-inclusive rate of $4,000 for 8 hours of wedding photography anywhere in the continental US.

And I'd really like to shoot your wedding!

xoxo,
Callie

(Photos by Calin + Bisous. Obviously.)

Seeking Sage Advice on Bridezillas and Feeling Like A Shitty Friend

Dear East Side Bride,

I'm in a bit of a conundrum as we speak. Currently, I am set to be one of two MOH's at my friend's wedding.

A little background -- we have been friends for 14 years -- close at times and distant at others -- she is one of my oldest friends. About a year and a half ago, she started dating her now fiance and truth be told, just because of the different things we were going through at the time, we weren't particularly close. Fast forward a few months later, they're engaged, I still don't see her too much and really don't know him very well and can count the number of times I've seen him on one hand throughout their whole whirlwind relationship.

This girl is no low-maintenance bride. When she originally asked me to be a bridesmaid, I knew they would be getting married in Mexico, and no other ceremony had been planned.What started out as a simple destination wedding has turned into a full-blown circus involving TWO full blown weddings --one smack in the middle of Labour Day weekend (of which none of us bridesmaids had been consulted as to whether we will be in town/ available for, but we are all expected to help set-up), a secondary "symbolic" wedding in Mexico a few months later, not to mention multiple out of town day trips in order to find her two wedding dresses, our bridesmaids dresses AND taking a day off of work to do alterations two hours from where we live (We live in a very cosmopolitan city and this girl isn't getting any special deals/special connections to justify doing them so far away).

I've been in a handful of weddings and have plenty of girlfriends who've gotten married, but this is by far the most high maintenance bride I've ever dealt with. Which usually, I would say is fine -- if you like what you like and know what you want and are adamant about it and honest from the get-go, then by all means, go for it. Problem is, she tries to mask her bossiness by asking our opinions AFTER she's already made up her mind about something, and if your opinion goes contrary to what she wants, she claims she's "Pulling out the bride card." Truth be told, she pulled out the bride card the second that engagement ring went on her finger.

I'm not particularly close with the other MOH and bridesmaid, so I have no idea if they're thinking the same thing. Part of me feels like a shitty friend for thinking all these things, especially since the other two are seemingly going on with everything with no muss or fuss, like, Maybe I'M the crazy one. My friend is getting married, I'm supposed to be happy for her -- instead I find myself dreading every wedding-related conversation.

Fast forward to the present day. I am currently going through a difficult time where I've broken up with my boyfriend of 4.5 years, and I'm not feeling particularly supported by her as a friend. When I informed her of my situation with my boyfriend, she exclaimed "Hallelujah! Did you tell your family, are they going to throw you a party?" (A little background on MY relationship -- he's a lovely man, we love each other very much. However, he's been in a place for some time where he has a lot on his plate where it doesn't allow for much to be put into our own relationship and we've only admitted such to ourselves recently.)

The last time I spoke to her about my relationship I mistakenly told them about a particularly reckless period in Lovely Man's life (when he was much younger and years before we met). She and her girlfriend ganged up on me and kept asking "Are you sure he's not cheating on you? How do you know he's not like that anymore?!? Are you SURE about that? How do you KNOW?" I'd like to point out that this is no more than 30 minutes after my own bridezilla friend admitted she has such vivid dreams of her fiance cheating on her, she is convinced they're real and will call him upon waking up,  accusing him of infidelity. And what did I do as she told me this? I politely smiled, lent a sympathetic ear and exclaimed "that's AWFUL!" without flaming out any accusatory questions or statements.

At this point in time, I can't help but dwell upon the fact that I've signed on to invest a lot of time and money into making her happy, yet she can't seem to grasp the basics of Friendship 101 with me. While not all of her demands are completely outlandish, I feel like this has been the straw that broke the camel's back because here I am jumping through hoops for this girl like a goddamn circus monkey, and she keeps trivializing what has been the most important relationship of my life.

So what do I do? Do I bite the bullet, put up with her outlandish demands for another few months, or do I attempt to bow out gracefully, knowing full on that this will definitely affect and potentially end our friendship?

Signed,
Feeling-Like-The-Maid-Of-Dishonor

*****

I know you're writing to ask my permission to bow the fuck out, and here it is....








BOW THE FUCK OUT

Life's too short.


Michal Pudelka for Anonym Magazine

Dear ESB...

I am in a bit of a planning quandary.

Here goes: My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years, and we finally got engaged on March 1st (yay!). We would like to get married September/October 2014, so of course planning should start fairly soon. My future mother in law has been battling stage 4 colon cancer for almost 3 1/2 years. We have gone through the various ups and downs, "She's going to die in 3 months," "She's almost in full remission," "we need a stronger chemo," "she's doing great," "The tumors are spreading," etc. etc.

Currently, she is on the last available option (a pill she takes 4x/day) for her condition, which means it's a waiting game. She is feeling and looking a lot better than she has in the past, and we are trying to take advantage of her not being sick from chemo all the time.

She has inquired about wedding plans and would like to start helping, but to be honest, I am reticent to plan anything because her health could plummet very soon. I also would hate to bug my FH with stupid questions about flowers or the guest list when he is about to lose his mother. I just can't imagine planning such a big event and the both of us having to deal with the loss of a mother at the same time. I thought about maybe waiting until she goes, but that feels strange, and it makes me feel like an asshole for even typing it.

Is it better to spend time and plan as much I can with her, then just figure out how to maneuver the bizarre stages of grieving/wedding to-do list when that time comes? What if she passes away right before the wedding? Am I being selfish?

I'm driving myself crazy constantly living in the future world of "what ifs," but I want to be respectful of my future husband and his mother.

What should I do?

*****

I say go ahead and start planning the wedding.

Your FMIL could die tomorrow or she could live for five more years. You can't put your life on hold, and she wouldn't *want you* to put your life on hold. In fact, what she really wants is to help you plan this thing.

Just be willing to be flexible. (And don't beat yourself up for having the occasional assholic thought.)

xoXX


Ten variations about planking after Freud by Aníbal Vallejo via The Jealous Curator

And the award for BEST WEDDING HAIR goes to....

Dear ESB,

First off, thank you for existing. Thank you for being there from when I had Wedding Brain until I decided to say fuck it and start from scratch.* And most importantly; thank you for being a part of my daily wedding planning ritual so I didn’t completely lose my shit.

A very short backstory; we swapped out the large/complicated wedding we never really wanted for a small San Francisco City Hall wedding + 3 month Europe trip (which starts in July). (You can follow us on our trip over here.)

Onto the wedding day stuff:

I woke up with so many butterflies in my stomach I thought I was going to puke. Or it could’ve been the pre-wedding tacos from the night before (not recommended unless unless you’re ok with having a food baby all the next day).

We started our morning lazily getting ready together and then went our separate ways to get ready with friends. If you’re doing your own hair or make-up I highly suggest knowing exactly what you’re going for or you might go over your allotted “getting ready” time like someone I know...

We almost didn’t do that “first look” thing, but I’m so glad we did. It felt kind of like when you’re little and you beg for a specific toy for a long time and you’re pretty sure you’re going to get that gift, but when you finally open it your heart fills with a burst of joy. Just like that.

After getting tons of portraits done at the Queen Anne Hotel we ate some delicious wedding donuts, drank some wedding juice and hopped in cabs to head to City Hall.

We arrived at City Hall, ate more donuts and got married. Then we all hopped into a party bus, picked up some sushi and ate it outside of the Exploratorium.

We spent the rest of the day walking around Fisherman’s Wharf and watching the sunset. Then came pizza dinner/beer at The Pizza Place. One of our favorite things about the wedding was how almost everyone ended up giving an unplanned speech at dinner, most of which were hilarious.

After dinner we tried to catch some cabs but had no luck. So we took buses to our next destination, which led to the parents referencing The Graduate a lot. We ended up at Buckshot, aka Skee Ball/Photobooth/Dance Party Central. The night ended perfectly with the DJ playing You Make Me Wanna (Shout) for us.

Sincerely,
Shana

*Following the suggestions of you and your readers, we ended up personally calling everyone that wasn’t invited to City Hall and ended up celebrating with them at a later date. Win/win!

Srsly, who has better hair, Shana or Jerrad?

THEY BOTH HAVE AMAZING HAIR.

Also: Those shoes on that man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


(Photos by Maddie of Hart and Sol West. Go check out more pics -- and read more from Shana -- over on A Practical Wedding.)

Seeking: a PEYOTE SPACE QUEEN dress

Dear ESB,

This is (I hope) a fairly straightforward dress question that I'd like to unleash on your readers.

We're in the very early stages of planning, but of course the dress is the most fun part so I've been thinking about it a lot. I've fallen head over heels in love with this Alessandra Rich dress, with this Temperley a very close second.

I'm really, really feeling the clean, graphic, red-and-white high priestess vibe, but the Alessandra Rich is pushing the budget further than I would like and the Temperley is just insane. I just can't justify spending as much on a dress that I'll wear once as I would on a Macbook Pro. My budget is between 800 – 1,000 euros. I'd obvy like to find something at the lower end of that scale.

Additional details: I'm a particularly shrimpy 5'5", usually between 52-55kg, Irish pale, strawberry blonde, and, uhm, a competitive Olympic weightlifter. This means broad shoulders, tiny waist, thick thighs and the kind of ass you usually see in a Juvenile video. Seriously, I have a pretty major butt going on, but it's all muscle. Which, I suppose, would probably rule out both the dresses I posted, but I think I look pretty decent in pencil skirts/column dresses.

My style skews classic and boyish – I read Tomboy Style obsessively, but I think I'm going for a more Jodorowsky peyote space queen vibe for the wedding. No flower crowns though, please.

Your readers are pretty great at reading between the lines on these kind of questions. I'd love to see what they come up with!

*****

The Alessandra Rich is on sale for $958 over here if you set your location to the United States. Is there anyone who could mail it to you??

(Though I do wonder whether those tight sleeves will fit what I imagine are your amazing arms....)


p.s. The Temperely is also on sale, over here, though still over budg.

p.p.s. Best dress request EVAR. Even though you promised you'd never ask me about dresses. Silly lady.

Bernhard Willhelm A/W 2013-14

more on harassment

On Episode 344 of the Savage Lovecast (beginning at 14:38), Dan answers a question from a 24-year-old woman about how to deal with casual sexual harassment. He missed the mark slightly.

On Episode 245 (beginning at 42:28), he runs an AWESOME string of responses from female listeners.

I decided not to include the above links in yesterday's post, but the advice from the women who called in to the Lovecast has stuck with me. Felt like I ought to share.

Dear ESB (from a harassed bride yay)

Dear ESB,

I'm in a shitty social situation. My fiance is very friendly with lots of people from his work, and we end up hanging out with various coworkers at least monthly. I've known most of these people for a few years now.

A month ago, we were out at a bar. My fiance was talking to one cluster of people while I was with another -- which consisted of two couples, one being two acquaintances of mine, the other, a coworker (let's call him Z) and his girlfriend.

We were shooting the shit, when I mentioned this odd fact that I've been in a few family bridal parties recently, while my fiance was not, despite these weddings being on his side. Z, who may have been drunk (I couldn't quite tell), immediately responds with, "Well yeah, look at you: You're stacked! [My fiance] not so much, but who wouldn't want you in their pictures?" Z then continued to laugh with the other dude in the group about my body. 

I obviously told my fiance, who was fucking horrified. We haven't talked to them since, but avoiding them forever is inevitable. We were going to invite them to our wedding, but we obviously don't want to anymore. Z has since invited us to a few intimate social events so I'm not sure he understands that his "joke" was not acceptable.

What do we do? Do I need to lighten up? Can we just passive aggressively not invite them? Does my fiance have to confront Z? For what it's worth, Z's girlfriend is super great.

Thanks for your advice.

*****

I know I'm about to get shit for this, but: Lighten up.

If this is the ONE TIME this guy has said anything offensive to you, chalk it up to too many beers and let it go.

If it happens again, however, don't let him off the hook. Tell him "That's not how you talk to a lady." (And then you can cross him off the list.)


Elina Mitrofanova by Tatiana Leshkina for Spleen via coup de foudre

Helmut Lang, FUCK YEAH

Kara just asked what we think of this Helmut Lang, and I think what we think is: FUCK YEAH.

Now $231.75 and avail in sizes 0-12. Like i said....

Balenciaga: yay or nay?

I'm kind of digging it for the right somebody....

In related news:

Do we like Lake Bell's custom Marchesa?

Look who's wearing Mara Hoffman!

Pls don't buy your wedding dress at Nasty Gal.


(Thank yoooooooou Rachel + Alison)

Guest List Advice, for the love of god!

Dear ESB,

I'm a new reader to your blog and I appreciate your sage and brutally honest advice. I'm having a hard time with this one, so I figured I'd give this a shot:

My younger sister rushed into her wedding back in December 2012. The guy she married is a young, has-a-temper, soon-to-be-career-military guy, and their impetus to wed was likely due to his future relocation to the West coast. My sister did most of the planning in secret, didn't involve our family which was quite hurtful, and was generally a defensive ball of fire the months before her wedding. My Mom and I asked if she was really sure this was the guy she wanted to be with, which my sister of course told him about this, and he proceeds to berate my Mom with text messages in the middle of the night (real stand-up guy). Needless to say, he's not well-liked among my family, and we're not well-liked by his. Her ceremony was held at a chapel on an army base, and her reception in a hotel basement ballroom.

The week before her wedding, I get a text message from my sister that says her fiance is wary of having me at the wedding and that I need to call him to smooth things over. I told my sister that I didn't particularly want to speak with someone who has a clear anger management problem, and if needed to speak with me so badly, he could come to me himself. I come to find out that he's already called the army base security to let them know that I was to be arrested on sight. Not wanting to be arrested on a military base, I was essentially being told I couldn't attend my sister's wedding. My sister, unable or unwilling to convince him to change his mind, couldn't do much, so I stayed at the hotel to catch up on my wine drinking while the rest of my family went to the chapel. Since my parents financed most of the reception, I was allowed to attend that, although my sister didn't speak with me the entire night. Nor for months after that, despite calling, texting, and emailing. My sister and I are still trying to patch up our relationship, months later.

My fiance and I waited to get engaged until her wedding was over to avoid claims of spotlight-stealing. Now that we're planning our wedding, we've come to that sticky point on our guest list. We want to invite my sister, but I don't particularly want to have her husband attend our wedding. My fiance seems to think our wedding would be a great way to extend the olive branch; I think its a horrible idea and think its a waste of money for him to bad-mouth me and my family, get super-drunk, and pick fights with people. How do we resolve this? And how can I invite my sister without him showing up?

Thanks for any advice you can provide. I'd appreciate it.

*****

EXTEND THE DAMN OLIVE BRANCH.

Be the bigger person.

Turn the other cheek.

&c.



Your sister is married to this guy. You can't just not invite him to family functions for the next 50 years.

AVA SMITH BY ALEXANDER NEUMANN FOR FLAUNT #127 via Visual Optimism