Dear ESB,
Thank for making me laugh, first of all. And also, thanks for what you've already taught me in the land of modern wedding etiquette.
Now to something that I've been struggling with for some time. It's a familiar problem - the father of the bride. I hope you can help.
I have already decided he won't walk me down the aisle. He had little to nothing to do with bringing me up. He caused a lot of pain. To have him give me away, to my mind, is not on. (For the record, I think I am going to aisle-it alone - it feels most appropriate and also, at least dad won't feel as though I put someone in his place.)
We also don't plan to invite him to speak at the wedding. We think the formality of speeches is important and significant but also don't want them to drag on while every person who thinks they've earned a say has it. Speaking will be mother of the bride, mother of the groom (father has passed), best man, maid of honour and us.
There are two spanners in the works.
One, how does one broach this subject? I figure I do need to tell him. He continues to surprise me with how oblivious he is to the consequences of his past, hurtful decision so I'm thinking he's expecting to be called up on these honours.
Two, I am guessing he might go a bit mental at this news. I am nervous about this but also looking for advice as to whether I should be willing to budge. I won't budge on the aisle situation. I'd rather not budge on the speech sitch either BUT, I have recently learnt dad will contribute financially to the wedding. I am pleasantly surprised and grateful. I don't think it warrants a change in my mind but am I wrong? Has he purchased the right to speak?
Thanking you in advance for your thoughts....
*****
It shouldn't be too hard to say "Dad, just so you know, I'm planning to walk down the aisle by myself." I mean, right? Fuck him if he's offended.
But if you're allowing the guy to throw some money at your wedding, I DO think he has the right to make a speech. (Frankly, any one of your guests has the right to step up and say something if they want to.)
