Friday, May 31, 2013


4 days into a 10-day visit with in-laws and I have become an AVID RUNNER. 

Yesterday I even went out and bought myself a pair of actual running shoes. (2 days x 5 miles in "casual" athletic shoes = 1 enormous blister + 2 sore ankles.)

So here's my question: WHAT SHOULD I BE LISTENING TO?

Most of my old workout faves aren't fast-paced enough.

You guys have been killing it lately, b/t/w. Did I even mention I bought the Blu Dot table after this one turned out to be too big? I think I ought to just crowd-source everything from now on.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

I had a revelation in the middle of the night.

Brides who think they're doing you a favor by letting you pick your own dress but give you parameters like "needs to be black, long (meaning on the ground, not ankle length) and in shiny fabric if possible" are not actually doing you a favor.



So part of me really hoped the bride in my life would pick the dress for me - love it or hate it - just so I wouldn't have to spend hours shopping for one. But alas, I have to find my own. I am not annoyed, just super lazy.

The Bride's request states that dress needs to be black, long (meaning on the ground, not ankle length) and in shiny fabric if possible.

I want the dress to be "classic" in style and have a good waist at waist height ie nothing drop waist, column shape, empire or shapeless.

I'm willing to pay up to the high hundreds if its absolutely amazing and completely wearable for the rest of my life. But I'd prefer closer to $500 or less.

After searching at my usual dress shops online and off I decided to have a peek at proper bridesmaids shops and actually found some I like:

Here and here. In Australia these retail for about $300, even though in US they're about $180. Which is reasonable I guess but that fabric doesn't look very nice to touch, seems cheap and the online reviews I have found agree with me.

So I'm looking for alternatives, and something in silk would be great. Would you/your readers be willing to help?



I tried tweeting this request the other week, but no dice....

Any ideas, my friends? (Must ship down under.)

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The Special Snowflake, again


I just wanted to write and thank you, and your readers, for your great advice about my "special snowflake" sister/MOH and the +1 dilemma. I did what you suggested (pulled my head out of my ass and invited the boyfriend). My mother told me that she thinks I'm a bitch who needs therapy "for putting my sister through such trouble" and the grandparents were less-than-thrilled, but my sister was happy, and all was well. I felt better, sister felt better, things were good.

Then he got sick and missed the wedding and reception anyway.


Anyway, thanks for your advice. It put my mind at ease knowing that I made my sister feel better, and I needed input from somebody outside my immediate circle.

All's Well That Ends Well



Sophie Vlaming by Klaas Jan Kliphuis via café au lait

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

someone please get married in THIS

French Lace Top by Raquel Allegra (boy do I have a style crush on her)

Rehearsal Dinner SOS

dear esb,

I've been reading your blog for months and I'm psyched to request some advice. I'm getting married in LA this summer and we haven't figured out the "rehearsal dinner" situation yet. questions:

1. what is your (and the evil bride club's) opinion on who should be invited to a rehearsal dinner? I have heard that the rehearsal dinner is for the wedding party and anyone who travelled for the wedding. Because I just moved to LA recently, most of my guests are traveling for this thing. I feel a desire to feed anyone who had to get on a plane to attend. If we were to invite anyone who travelled and only excluded in-town people, we'd be excluding a rather small percentage of the invitees. However, it would be almost like paying for a second reception to invite all the guests to a welcome dinner. 

2. any thoughts on where to do a casual dinner for 75-100ish people (the final number depends on what we decide about question #1)? I looked at this article and it was very helpful, but i'd love to put the question out there again in case the keyword "casual" sparks other ideas. we would have been happy to throw a backyard BBQ, if we or anyone we knew had a yard. 

thanks for everything you do... has been greatly helpful to a nuptially challenged/irreverent/nontraditional bride-2B. xo



Have a picnic on the beach. That's what we did.

Image courtesy of Toast

p.s. You've got until the end of the day to win yourself $500 worth of Loeffler Randall. We have not been inundated with entries (ESB readers are too cool for this shit? either that or I'm too cool to properly promote a contest) so you've got a pretty good shot....

Friday, May 24, 2013

Please Help Me.

Dear ESB,

I never really thought I would ever be writing to you, but at this moment I feel so damn confused and don’t want my friends and family to weigh in because I’m embarrassed.

My husband and I have been together for about 6 years, married for 2. We met through work and quickly became BFFs... about 6 months into our friendship we started dating. He inspired me and made me feel amazing and I know I did the same for him.  

We, however, had very different sexual pasts. I wouldn’t say that I was ever promiscuous, I just had a much more varied sex life (toys, positions, frequency, oral etc.) and he had a much more vanilla sex life. In the beginning of our relationship we had a very healthy sex life, nothing really rocked my world, but the intimacy we shared was enough to make sex awesome nonetheless.

When we decided to move across country something changed. At this point it’s probably pertinent to mention that he is in incredible shape (like he is one of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen). I, on the other hand, have always been told I was beautiful, but began to put on some weight. I went from a size 6/8 to about 10/12 (about 15 lbs)... Now at this point our sex life screeches to a halt and I notice and start mentally freaking out. We just moved across country, this is my best friend what the FUCK is going on???   

Things started kind of slow - he would ask me if I had exercised at all when he got home from work, or he would start commenting on what I was eating. At first, I obliged him by answering because I thought he was merely curious... It became evident that curiosity wasn’t his motivation. Sensing he was having issues with the way that I looked - I brought it up and asked if the reason we weren’t being physical with one another was because I had gained weight... At first he denied it, but after several conversations over the next couple weeks he fessed up.

I tried to understand where he was coming from - he is in incredible shape, it makes sense that he would want his GF to take care of the way she looks. But then I started to get really fucking angry because I was feeling rejected and shitty. When we weren’t discussing sex, our relationship was/is great. We had fun, laughed, cuddled - but we weren’t being intimate. I can’t even count the number of times he and I had talked about it, but nothing really changed, things really just kept getting worse.

The constant criticism of what I put in my mouth or what I cooked or where we went for dinner continued, the sex was obsolete, and our friendship started to suffer. We blamed it on the move and the stress of our new careers, but the truth was I could handle all of that. What I couldn’t handle was feeling rejected and judged by the person I thought loved me for who I was. There is so much back story for why this was so hurtful to me and how paralyzed I felt, but seriously no one wants to read about my daddy issues...

Fast forward - he proposed, despite us having this very serious issue. I said yes, because I felt like everything else about him was amazing and perfect. We have been married two years.

We didn’t have sex on our wedding night. Or the next day. We have had sex less than 10 times in two years. We have fought like crazy (about this issue and ONLY this issue), and now I don’t know what to do.  

To be fair, I have gained a total of about 30 lbs at this point, have made no effort to diet and have no patience and snap at him for asking/talking/mentioning anything about my weight and/or food choices. And am generally more edgy, critical and angry.

Last week we had, what I thought to be, a constructive argument that ended in us both understanding how we played a role in what happened. I, however, have changed. And although I warned him several years ago that if he continued down this road - I was going to resent him and that I didn’t know if I would be able to forgive him - here we are. And now I am depressed and sad - I smoke pot daily to destress. I hate looking in the mirror. I binge eat. And some days I just want to die.

I love him. And despite most of your readers probably wanting me to shoot him in the face - he is a good man. He still makes me laugh, cuddles me, rubs my back and I can tell him almost anything - and in the last couple weeks he has really made an effort to stop being critical. But there is still no intimacy and now I don’t know how or if I should get it back.

He has stated that for all those years he viewed my resistance to getting into great shape as a slap in the face, because he demonstrates how important it is to him and stays in shape and that it felt like I wasn’t taking his needs and desires into consideration. I feel like it’s really important that I mention that because I do see the validity in that statement...

But another part of me wants to shake myself. At this point I can’t even think straight - I go from completely agreeing with him to wanting to slap myself for being so weak. It’s been so many years of promises broken in this regard, but the times when this isn’t being focused on things are OK, not amazing, but OK.

The shitty part is - I would really like to be in good shape again. I miss feeling beautiful and not because some guy was telling me I was.  

I wish I could live in the first years of our relationship again, because I miss him and I miss the comfort and safety I felt.  

Please help me. I am mortified - I don’t know what to do. Is my baggage making me hyper sensitive? Is it wrong that I still so desperately want him to want me? Why is this so taboo feeling?

Thanks for “listening” + sorry for the long email.  I didn't read it back, but I can't be crying at work right now.



Not for him, for you.

Swear off pot for a year, get in shape and get yourself to therapy. Talk through those "daddy issues" you didn't want to get into here. There's something else going on with you.

On the one hand, this guy is a dick for not wanting to sleep with you just because you've gained weight…. On the other hand, there is nothing less attractive than someone who is angry + depressed + binge-eating.

There's something else going on with you and you need to work it out. Once you're in a healthier place, you can decide if Mr. Incredible Shape is someone you actually want to be married to.

Sasha Pivovarova in Commes des Garçons by Peter Lindbergh for Numéro #67 (October 2005) via Catbirdfuckyeahcommedesgarcons

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

What should a couple of country bumpkins and/or Angelenos and/or Aussies do in SF?

Dear ESB

What should two thirtysomething country bumpkins from England do in San Francisco in early June? 

We'll be staying for 6 nights and have done a bit of research on the 'touristy' things we'd like to do - see the Golden Gate Bridge, hike in Muir Woods etc. but would love some ideas from your awesome readers.

Staying in the financial district (random I know - but it was super cheap and we're prepared to walk/catch the bus etc).

Like -
Antiques/curiosity shops
Indian food
American food (traditional and fusion)
Interesting baby/toy/nursery shops

Dislike -
Pretentious bars where they charge an extra $5 per drink just because the bartenders are wearing idiotic looking bow ties and flat caps

If any of your readers ever want advice on good hiking spots in England I'll be happy to return the favour...

Thanks ESB -


First off, NEVER USE THAT FONT AGAIN. Do you srsly send all your emails in that font??

Second, I keep getting requests for San Francisco guides, and I keep ignoring them because San Francisco is my home town and I'd really like to be able to write the damn guide myself but the truth is I'm not qualified....

So. Here are a few of my favorite places in SF:

Paxton Gate = the best curiosity shop EVAR. Perfect place to buy your dad a skull.

Dosa (a few blocks from Paxton Gate) = delish, upscale Indian

Humphry Slocombe (also within walking distance) = the best, weirdest ice cream. Get the sundae with Blue Bottle Vietnamese coffee ice cream + prosciutto ice cream. Trust.

The Alembic (in the Haight) = the best cocktails, which you would most certainly deem pretentious. OH SHIT HE'S WEARING A CAP.

Eric's (in Noe Valley, where I grew up) = my old favorite Chinese restaurant. House of Nanking (in Chinatown) is also terrif.

I leave it to the current residents to offer more recommends.... Most importantly, who can recommend the best BURRITOS? La Cumbre was my jam back in the day, but I'm willing to recognize that there may be better burritos.

Note: San Francisco is the burrito capital of the world, which means you're required to eat at least two each while you're in town.

Anyone know who took the photo?

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Loeffler Randall + ESB!!

Remember what I said about Loeffler Randall being the official shoe of East Side Bride?


They've asked me to co-curate + co-judge this Pinterest contest (running May 21-May 28).

Here are the rules:

Step one: Follow @LoefflerRandall on Pinterest.

Step two: Repin the "Pin to Win" entry photo [pictured above] and at least one Loeffler Randall product photo from our lr // hitched board.

Step three: Add a comment to your product photo telling us how you would wear your pick at a wedding. (Your upcoming wedding, your imaginary wedding, your best friend's wedding... Any wedding!) Make sure each photo is tagged #HitchedInLR & #LoefflerRandall.

**UPDATE: The winners have been announced here and here. **

p.s. Just so you know, I'm not willy-nilly recommending Loeffler Randall without sampling the wares. I bought these furry gladiators last month and they are KICK ASS.

Friday, May 17, 2013

SEEKING: this Dolce for 2K or less

Dear ESB,

Terrified by the thought of wearing a white poofy/strapless/sweat heart/trumpet/cupcake gown, I have been looking and looking for a unique gown that still reads wedding. I've seen great alt bridal at Stone Fox, Bona Drag, etc. but I'm 5'8'', size 6 with a lot of T (34DD) and A so a drop-waist, plunging neck, backless, slip something isn't going to cut it. 

I stalked this Dolce number online and knew it would be love. I tried it on and it was PERFECT. The floral print practically became my vision for my September farm wedding in Maine. The ruching was really flattering. It was the perfect amount of sexy and everything was contained.

Coming back to Earth -- this dress is 5,000. My budget is 2,000 or less. I can't spend the champagne money on this dress. I'm back on the hunt, but not sure I'll find anything as unique. I'm also in a bit of time crunch (wedding is end of Sept 2013). 


thnx a mill!



I'm busy obsessing about tables. We marked it out on the floor, and it seems my perfect perfect perfect table is too deep for the space. (Not too long, but too DEEP.) Sadface. I'm thinking we might have to go the custom route...

Thursday, May 16, 2013


We're about to pull the trigger on this baby from Design Within Reach.

It's not cheap, but it is the perfect perfect perfect minimalist multipurpose desk/dining table to go under our big windows and it is made out of MOTHERFUCKING STEEL and I am over the moon.

We had the Ikea knock-off tulip table in the bungalow for 5 years, and though it looked good (from afar), it was wobbly, the plastic base attracted dirt like crazy, and the surface scratched off if you scrubbed to hard.

I'm turning FORTY. I'm too old for that shit.*

*Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I will now shut up about how I'm turning 40 and you can all go back to pretending I am precisely your age.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

sometimes I want it from someone else. 

Hey ESB,

I'm writing to you super anonymously because this whole topic makes me nervous. Well, more embarrassed than nervous.

I want to get other people's advice on fidelity.

I've been married for 2 years, and love my husband. He is freakishly smart, extremely compassionate, and is a seriously handsome devil. But sometimes I have dreams about other men. Not hot sex dreams (I wish), but dreams where another man "likes" me, we make eyes at each other, he's crazy about me but we don't touch, or he writes me love letters that drive me crazy, like cheesy Nicholas Sparks shit (I've never read any of his books, but admit I watched The Notebook). I wake up the next morning and wish my husband made me feel that same way that these anonymous men do in my dreams. Sometimes he does. God, this is embarrassing to even write out.

Back in reality, I occasionally have crushes. Most women do. But for the first time in years (my husband and I dated for 11 years before getting married), a crush reciprocated and asked me to hang out, standing a little too close for comfort. I stammered some nonsense about not being able to, but didn't say I was married. It was hard to spit those words out. I can't say I wasn't tempted to pretend I was not married. It feels so good to be wanted.

My husband is into me, loves me, tells me I'm sexy, grabs me out of the blue, but sometimes I want it from someone else.

How do other people deal with these feelings? Do you shove them way down inside and hope they go away? Do they think of other men when having sex with their husbands? Do they have affairs just to see what another man feels like? Can people flirt harmlessly?

I know I need to tell my crush I'm not available, but it's hard closing that door. The most selfish parts of me want to keep up the ruse for the attention, the affirmation, the thrill. Like I said, embarrassing.

Thoughts from the pack of snarky women out there? I appreciate all of your input and experience.


I'm pretty sure I can safely say that 30-90% of married women have similar feelings at some time or another. Not just the crush part. The "sometimes I want it from someone else" part. Doesn't EVERYONE have those feelings at some point? Human beings weren't built to be monogamous.

That said, I don't recommend that you run out and have an affair. If you want to go down the monogamish road you need to discuss it with your husband and get his permission. You'll have to decide if the wanting-it-from-someone-else is, as Dan Savage would say, a "deal breaker" for you.*

The alternative is to flirt. And, yes, there's such a thing as harmless flirting. *Hot* harmless flirting, even, which can fuel your fantasy life and liven up the sex you're having with your husband. (Feel free to think of other men during that sex! Or to imagine your husband is a different, cheesy, Nicholas Sparks-y man.)

Again, just don't deceive or mislead anyone. You really do have to tell that guy you're married.

And now.... I'm eager to hear from the peanut gallery. I've enabled anonymous comments today, for obvious reasons.

Arnaud Lajeunie via Kroutchev Planet Photo via PCKSHT


*Do you listen to Dan Savage? Everyone should listen to Dan Savage.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

There's an enormous knot in the pit of my stomach.

It's been there for two days.

Possible causes:

a) cramps

b) the approach of my 40th birthday

c) anxiously awaiting notes on script x

d) dreading returning to work on script y

e) feeling stagnant here on the blog

f) mezcal

Or could it be THE MOON?

Monday, May 13, 2013

I&S BBDO for Nishinihon Tenrei via Colossal via nd +

unfancifying a dress?

Dear ESB,

So in the spirit of being sooooo laidback guys I'm not a bridezilla I swear I let my bridesmaids pick their own (navy) dresses. All well & good, except one woman picked this and the other one this.

Both lovely dresses and they'll each look great, but kinda like they're at different weddings? I offered to buy them (nonmatching) jewelry to wear so I'm wondering if you have any ideas for necklaces that would casualify the Monique Lhuillier or dress up the Asos one.

Difficulty level: not much more than $50, preferably orange or close to it.


This is not a problem that can be solved with a necklace.

This is a problem that can be solved with: a) just pick the damn dresses for them or b) BE FINE WITH IT. kapish?

Friday, May 10, 2013

Six Dresses to Run Away In

When I posted this lil Zara dress the other day, Jamie immediately emailed me to ask: want to post a whole round up of dresses for the runaway brides??

I said hell yeah!

(And then Amber, of Pitbulls and Posies, did this paste-up to complement the runaway inspiration board, which makes me feel very fancy.)

If you *kind of* want to elope, but you also *kind of* want rad wedding photos and live music and craft cocktails and a stylish little venue (and the thought of Vegas makes you gag) .... Why not head down to San Diego on May 26 and just get er done?

Wearing one of these dresses, obvs: 1 Zara (again) ($90), 2 Girl by Band of Outsiders ($370), 3 Reality Studio ($335), 4 Acne ($480), 5 Lindsey Thornburg ($2080), 6 Iris & Ink ($175)

Thursday, May 9, 2013

A + N's effing gorgeous California wedding

The beaming bride, the kick-ass dress, the California light.... These photos from Rad + In Love are slayin me this morning.

And Alejandra is so laid back about it all. D'you think I can take a teeeeeensy bit of credit?

Here's what she had to say:

I have such a hard time talking about my own wedding because it was a culmination of so many different story lines. It's hard to pick out one thread without unravelling the whole tapestry. I'll share a few wedding highlights in lieu of a full story.

The beginning:
My day began unintentionally early (before 7am!) because I just couldn't sleep anymore. All I could think about were my vows. My perfectionist self was literally dreaming about the words I would say, so I just got up and started to write them. I didn't even end up saying what I'd written, but it didn't matter. I could write new vows every day forever and I'd still never be able to capture everything. I realized that morning that it was ok not to get it all in one shot. We will keep reworking and living those vows out until the end!

When it hit me:
I didn't feel like anything huge in my life was changing since I had already been living with Nick for almost four years. However, little moments throughout the day kept reminding me that the party was happening -- now! I especially like remembering the moment I walked into the bathroom after dinner. As the door swung open, I saw my girlfriends for the first time that day and I instantly screamed like a teenage girl. I was overwhelmed with all the excitement and love.

Our wedding team:
We were lucky to be surrounded by an awesome group of people. I cannot recommend any of them enough. Indulge me as I share a little bit about them.

- Photographers: Rad + In Love
These ladies are outrageously talented, but they're also down-to-earth and will go the distance to capture your day. Seriously, an amazing team. At one point, Michelle jumped on her car roof to get the right angle, it caved in, and she just kept on shooting! We love them to death!

- Wedding planner extraordinaire: Allie Shane from Pop the Champagne
Words cannot express enough how dedicated and bad-ass Allie is. She provided the muscle for a wedding planned in three months from across the country (while we were also buying an apartment and moving; getting a new job; and taking night classes). When all we wanted to do was avoid decision making and fall asleep, she kept us moving forward. Without her, I would still be planning. Allie's secret is that she knows when to hold your hand, when to direct, and how to make it all fun.

- Venue: The Annenberg Community Beach House
Our Annenberg coordinator, Carol, worked closely with Allie to make our day totally seamless. She was delightful to work with and the venue was spectacular.

- Florist: Floret Cadet
Since we love flowers, but were too far across the country (and by this point in the planning process, running out of money) to dream too big, we needed someone we could trust to take a couple ideas and just run with them. From the moment we met Kate we knew we were in good hands. We left her to surprise us on the day and she did in the best way possible.

- DJ: Sean Osborne
So charming, kind, and he kept the party going! Sean was totally focused on making sure Nick and I got what we wanted in our playlist and on the wedding day. Right after our ceremony, as Nick and I took a moment to just be alone, he played a little song for us to dance together. It was really touching.

What I would do over:
I would sleep a whole lot more that week and I would eat a huge breakfast. That would've rocked.

We had originally daydreamed about having my sister and her whole band, The Del-Reys, perform, but that was logistically difficult. Instead, I was genuinely surprised when my sister got up to sing right after the toasts. She performed a killer a cappella rendition of "Si Nos Dejan" (I used to have a mariachi band in college) and then led everyone in singing "You've Got a Friend" together. It was such an awesome gift that she would still sing to us without any music in front of the whole room.

My favorite:
During the rehearsal the day before, I worried that our ceremony would be an unprepared disaster. So much planning had gone into the weekend, but we had very little set in stone for the part that was most important to us -- the ceremony. The morning of, I let it all go and rolled with the day. The ceremony ended up being beautiful.... 

In retrospect, it was just like every decision we made for our wedding. It didn't matter exactly what we did, everything ended up being a reflection of something Nick and I were building together. That made it perfect. The fact that the sun was shining and birds were chirping as Nick shared his vows was just crazy luck.

The ending:
I had told myself in advance to take a moment during the last dance to soak it all in. I'm so glad I did. I got to see those who were left all together on the dance floor enjoying themselves. The feeling of love was all around and I was so filled with happiness at that moment.

The real ending:
We got legally married at New York City's Marriage Bureau a week after we returned from our honeymoon on Kauai. Throughout the whole engagement, I had been torn between a courthouse wedding and a personalized ceremony. We ended up being so busy before leaving for our wedding in LA that we never got a California marriage license. The courthouse was a blast and I'm so glad we accidentally got both ceremonies. All dreams (unintentionally) fulfilled!


Q: Have you ever seen a smile that big?

A: No, no you have not.

Photos by Rad + In Love. (Go check out tons more images from this wedding over on the Rad + Love blog.)

p.s. Recognize the dress? Alejandra left that model in the DUST.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Seeking: a dress to match a fascinator

Dear ESB,

I'm so happy that I have an excuse to email you. I'm having a fascinator made for my shower, as I won a custom-made hat at a derby party last year. The headpiece is being modeled after this one [see above].

I have tried on dress after dress and have been happy with NADA. All this over just a shower dress! I'm a 34D so open-backed dresses are a no-go, as I look simply pornographic without a bra. My budget is $500 max.

Any suggestions?

P.S. I think I love this dress, but I'm afraid it's too Lolita-esque, especially with the fascinator.


I was all ready to say DON'T WEAR A FUCKING FASCINATOR, but am now eating my words. That shit is awesome.


p.s. Will yours be made out of a karate belt?????? I hope I hope.

Monday, May 6, 2013

A tale of two dresses....

Dear ESB,

I have a tale of two dresses for you, followed by an opportunity for other ESB readers.

I fell in love with this orange ombre beauty [pictured above] via the wonderful (and extremely unhelpful) world of tumblr.  ... somehow I managed to track down the dress, and the artist who created it. I emailed her in hopes of being able to borrow it for my big day (we are on a budget and I was drastically trying to save some dough)... Months passed and I never heard back, so for fear of not having anything to wear, I went looking for something else... Enter Mara Hoffman: all seeing bridal gown...

This dress is stunning, it's to die for, and I'm tall and have small boobs so it actually worked on my body, problem solved, dress checked off the list. (1,200.00$ later).

A few weeks after I purchased the Mara beauty, I get an email from the lovely Martha Webb, expressing how much she'd love to loan me the gown, free of charge, for my big day... She sent it a few weeks later (from LONDON) and now I have the dress of my dreams, and I actually feel like this wedding is real.

This wedding is definitely real, as are all of the insane costs that are building up. So I would like to pass on the Mara Hoffman gown to another tall small boobed bride. It's a size 4 and has never been worn other than when I've tried it on a few times. Not sure if you've had anyone looking for this dress but I'm definitely ready to sell it, the sooner the better.

I will for sure be sending you lots of photos from the big day, which is 20 fucking days away.... (breeeeeath, keep breathing).

Thank you, thank you, thank you!


It seems you weren't the first one to obsess over that ombre dress.... But I have a feeling you'll rock it harder than this no-boobed model.


**Update: the Mara Hoffman is gone. Long gone.**

Friday, May 3, 2013

PhD Panic

Dear ESB,

Ummm, so... I’m having a bit of wardrobe crisis.

In ten days time I have the most important exam of my life so far. Obviously, as opposed to working, I’m busy stressing about clothes.

I am about to take the transfer (upgrade) exam from MPhil to PhD. The exam is a viva voce, although not as long or scary, as the one at the end of PhD. It's an hour and a half long in front of a panel of 5 academics.

I don't know what to wear and I know it shouldn't matter but it really, really does. The problem is I'm studying at art college (this one), in the fashion department. My tutors wear Comme des Garçons and Margiela, my co-students wear their own creations and I have been writing in my pajamas for the last three weeks

My style up until recently was sort of tangled vintage. The thing is I'm 32, I want to be taken seriously and I'm not sure 30s tea dresses and laddered tights cut it anymore? I don’t want to look like a manic pixie dream girl; I want to look competent and strong. I'm just not quite sure how to do it.

So could someone find me the perfect PhD exam outfit? Dress or skirt and top with awesome shoes would be wonderful. I'm a UK 10, blonde, pale and extremely curvy (big ass and big tits). I need to be able to purchase online (and preferably in the UK).

Demanding, I know….

Bit in love with these shoes, btw……

Budget: About £300? I am profligate as well as unproductive


go minimalist
a black dress (zara again)
and killer shoes, obvs

if you want snakeskin
i vastly prefer this pair
note: get your hair cut!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

vegan sandals, haiku poems &c.

vegan shoes suck ass
but i need summer sandals.
what you got, cookies?


i know you're anti-
flatforms, but could you bend on
this pair from zara?


p.s. hey naurnie,
bet these braided wedges would
go with your jumpsuit!

oh, zara.

This dress is terrifs
except that it is nylon

nobody liked my
haiku po-em. full marks for
effort?? what the fuck.


Wednesday, May 1, 2013

what if...........

what if every post
was a haiku poem for you?
i think i'd like that.


17 beats's 30 poems in 30 days is the best thing that's happened to my RSS reader for a while.

Speaking of..... I'm giving The Old Reader a try. It took them a week or two to import my subscriptions from Google Reader (which will be GONE as of July 1), but I've been using it steadily since and I'm quite pleased.