Thursday, January 5, 2012

Please help me dress my boobs (Part 4: Wedding Dresses)

Here's Celia with the cherry on top of our BOOB-O-riffic series:

So, you're getting married AND you have big tits... let's find you something awesome to wear. You guys, I have not been on a hunt for a wedding gown in about three years, but BY GOLLY it looks like the bridal industry knows what's up. It's a shame that you only seem to find big-busted brides in halter and strapless silhouettes, because there are hundreds, if not thousands, of dresses that are right for you. I had my dress custom made, which I highly recommend as an option, but I had so much fun doing the research for this post that I might just go try on some gowns sometime in the near future for shits and giggles. I really don't care how cuckoo bananas that is either.

Basically, all the same rules apply as dressing for non-wedding life. You want the right neckline, you want the right fabric, and you want the right cut that will help create balance. I know all those newer dresses coming out with all those fun embellishments on the bust line are oh-so-adorable, but you have no business wearing a big taffeta bow across your tits, OK? Other than that, like I said, the wedding gown world is your oyster, so let's explore it.

If wrap dresses look great on you for everyday life, then you better believe they'll work just as splendidly on your wedding day. I think really toned down silhouettes are so good for big boobs. Your knockers are such a great accessory, so you really don't need to be adding too much to them, you know? That being said, please do not let me catch you wearing a necklace that's long enough to fall between your cleavage. Como se dice, "looks really fucking stupid"?

I'm thinking backyard/potluck wedding for the dress on the left, and City hall wedding with your sister as the witness for the DVF dress. Am I right, or am I right?

Big boobs are awesome in all those romantic silhouettes. You'll look straight off the cover of some sex-a-fied romance novel, but in a good way. I know busty girls seem to be over empire dresses, but they DO work for you if that's a trend you're willing to take on. I wore an empire dress when I got married, but more than anything, I chose that style because I really wanted to EAT at my wedding. 

I saw at least five dresses on the Saja site that would be beautifully worn by a busty lady.

So, looking like a bride is simply not your thing, but you still want to look like THE bride. You lucky ladies have so much to choose from. If you're not planning on buying a wedding dress or even a wedding-y dress, just make sure you still choose something that will knock your socks off when you try it on. Personally, I don't believe in the concept of "The Dress," but if you're going to wear it for the most important day of your life, you better be in love with yourself in it. 

A great alternative to strapless and halter silhouettes are one-shoulder dresses. They compliment bigger boobs fabulously, and although *I've* never had luck with one of those convertible-type bras (I'm not saying they don't exist for big boobs), you can wear a one-shoulder dress with a strapless bra or bustier. Call me crazy, but I think adding even one strap to a dress when wearing a strapless bra helps add a fair amount of support. 

The dress on the right looks like it was MADE for humongous Big'uns. It's ultra sexy AND you can wear a regular bra with it? That's a major winner in my book. 

Alright, so you're getting married AND you have a hot body. Poor you. It's pretty safe to say that having a killer rack doesn't always equal a killer body. But if it does for you, then you've got to flaunt that shit, home chicken. I know I tried to sway you from strapless dresses, but let's say, for example, your figure is pin-up worthy (think Scarlett Johansson or Salma Hayek) and you want to show it off. Well then, you should! The Elizabeth Dye dress above will accentuate all your amazing curves, but will also keep you from looking like the Skank Bride of the Year. 

Thank you for having me, ESB and all her rad readers. This series has been tons of fun for me and I've gained so much knowledge in the process. Now lets keep our tits strapped in, and our wardrobes looking bangin'.

xo -Celia

Photo at top: Scarlett Johansson by Peter Lindbergh for Vogue China, April 2011 via Glamcheck


  1. Boobalicious DarlingJanuary 5, 2012 at 6:13 AM

    Oh, ESB, thank you so much for this! I promise not to cry in my kitchen about my boobs anymore, thanks to you and the amazing Celia! If I could find my original email to you, I'd reply to it with gushes of love, but I can't, so I'm doing it here. Now that I know how badly my bra fits, I'm so going to tackle making my boobs the boobiest big tits they can be.

  2. Thanks for all these excellent boob post, Missuses ESB and Celia.

  3. Brilliant picks! I would add the boat / slash / bateau neckline as an excellent choice for the larger-cupped ladies. It's a surprisingly flattering neckline for larger cups - while high necklines are normally awful, a wide neckline seems to balance everything out. I am a little biased, that's what i wore for my dress! (pics)

  4. I wore the Gracie dress from JCrew. If you are of the hour-glassed big boobed variety and looking to keep it budget, this dress is the tits (so to speak).

  5. Celia, you are the BEST!!

    I'd like to share the best advice I've ever been given regarding dressing my large breasts (and decent figure): "Do not apologize for you body."

    Loving my girls right now.


  6. MOAAAR TITTIES! Seriously, this was awesome.

  7. Love all these posts!!

    As a 32DD lady with a decently rockin' bod, I couldn't recommend Nicole Miller's wedding dresses more. It was a revelation how well her dresses fit, flattered my broader top half and make me look taller, slimmer and perfectly proportionate. I got the GK0007 if you're looking for a simple dress with some nice details and nothing froufy.

  8. @denae - So pretty in pink! Congrats!

    I <3 #boobsweek! Nicely done, Celia & ESB. Even though I'm on the small end of the boobspectrometer, I think it's about working with what you've got (big or small) and being proud of your body. Thanks for showin' us how it's done! xo.

  9. That Scarlett Johansson dress is bloody gorgeous.
    I've loved Boobsweek too, am going to organise a new fitting. Brava!

  10. Woah, I had no idea that was ScarJo in that picture until the credit at the bottom. she needs to look like that more often.

    *claps for boobsweek*

    What is next???

  11. One shoulder dresses are awesome! Worked out well for my DDs and I got gazillions of compliments on the style. Mine also had a belt = big boobs & tiny-looking waist.

  12. Can I just say... Best themed week ever.

    Also, I have never heard so many euphemisms for boobs. Must use them all

  13. Certainly wasn't looking forward to the dress-trying-on-boobs-splurging-out situation but alas, there are styles that suit us busty brides. Phew.