How do our parents get to know each other?

Dear ESB,

My boyfriend and I got engaged last week, and it occurred to us that, despite our six years of dating, our parents have never really met each other. My dad met his mom once when they were both at a performance of mine, but that's been it. I know it's *technically* the groom's parents' "job" to contact the bride's, but our family situations are complicated (though not unusual) and I don't know what to do.

My kinda shy, socially awkward parents have been divorced for over 20 years and are pretty chill with each other now. My dad's been remarried over 15 years to a lively, dynamic lady who really doesn't like my mom all that much. His also kinda shy, socially awkward parents divorced last year and aren't really on speaking terms, other than when they have to discuss legal things (for themselves, and for my guy's hooligan little brother who got himself arrested this past weekend).

I know they should get to know each other, I know they WANT to get to know each other (my dad has uneasily mentioned "getting to know the in-laws"), but I'm at a loss for how to make that happen. I don't want to put the burden on his already over-stressed parents to figure it out, and I don't want to force a circus of various coffee dates or dinner parties where we all sit around staring at our laps after "I'm retired and do IT for our church" ceases to be an interesting topic.

Help?
Inherited Social Awkwardness in Chi City.

*****

In 2012, all the rules about whose job it is to contact who and who is supposed to pay for what are OUT THE WINDOW.

Throw yourselves an engagement party!

A room full of friends holding cocktails will take the pressure off your poor socially awkward parents.

Photo by Ross Feighery via Flavorwire via Charles Hall

on engagement party etiquette and telling Bridezilla to STFU

Dear ESB,

One of my best girlfriends got roped into being a bridesmaid for a "friend" of ours from college. Let's be honest - they aren't that great of friends, but what could she do? Anyways Bridezilla is the definition of tactless. The wedding is 15 months away - and they've already been engaged for the last 6 months. so a 21 month engagement, yet they act as if the wedding is next month - meaning endless facebook updates, tweets, and TWO blogs outlining every detail of the whole affair - down to the budget. Mind you these two are only 23 yrs old, fresh out of college, and have no reason to rush down the aisle besides wanting to be the first to do so. They already live together, so it's not a religious or family issue.

Anyways, despite already having 2 engagement parties planned she wants the bridesmaids to throw a third engagement party in NYC - where we all went to college. However, the couple isn't inviting any college friends to the wedding due to their meager budget, yet they want them at this engagement party. How can my friend, the bridesmaid, tell Bridezilla that 1) it isn't appropriate to invite friends to the engagement party and leave them off the wedding guest list and 2) to stop with the online on-slaught of personal info regarding the wedding?

I'd love to just tell her to just STFU but it's not really my place. Am I the only person who cares about etiquette anymore?

FedUpinNYC

*****

Dear FUNYC,

You're not the only person who cares about etiquette. But you need to join the 21st century.

According to Martha Stewart, the traditional rules of etiquette, which used to dictate that all the guests invited to the engagement party be invited to the wedding, no longer apply. Martha says "because so many people have very small weddings or hold their ceremonies far from friends and sometimes even from family, the engagement party often includes people who may not be invited to the eventual wedding."

Stop hating on the poor couple because they have a tiny budget! By throwing this third engagement party, they're actually trying to include their friends who aren't invited to the wedding. (Though I do think it's tacky to ask the bridesmaids to throw the party. Why doesn't Bridezilla throw her own damn third engagement party?)

Which brings me to: The Online Onslaught. Is it really your friend the bridesmaid who is so bothered by the barrage of information, or is it you?

Why don't you just unfollow Bridezilla on Twitter? (I do it ALL. THE. TIME.) And "unfriend" her, or whatever the Facebook lingo is. Nobody is forcing you to read her updates.

(Photo by Andrea Spotorno for Ten Magazine via Vain and Vapid)