Weird, Wonderful Holiday Mix from Dart DJ

I meant to get up bright and early to post this for you all..... But I went to the Dart DJ holiday party last night and then to Footsie's and drank waaaaaaay too much whiskey and also some really grody stuff I don't remember the name of that Elizabeth claims is the new Jagermeister.

Now my head hurts.

Anyhoo.


Click here for your weird, wonderful holiday mix from the Dart DJ boys. Which is actually not very holiday. It's mostly just a great, weird collection of covers and lesser-known versions of popular songs. (Even if Elvis's "Crawfish" drives you nuts, stay tuned for Hot Chip covering Joy Division!)

BONUS: If you're cheaping out on the dj for your wedding, Dart has a bunch more mixes over here. The Flashdance also mixes a mean mix.


Photo from last night by Michelle of Rad + In Love

merry merry merry

to the brides and the almost-brides and the far-from-being-a-brides

to the anonymous snarks and the excellent shoppers and the has-no-sense-of-humors

to the five-time-writer-inners

here's to the shortest day of the year and the return of the sun* and the eating of too much cheese. slash chocolate. slash whiskey.

i ♥ you one and all

Mert & Marcus for LOVE Magazine via Fashion Gone Rogue

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*provided the world doesn't end.

It's your Monday morning installment of DIY Gone Wrong

Perhaps people who endorse sequin-on-sequin shouldn't throw stones......

But I have to give this DIY Holiday Bulb Bouquet a big fat NO.


Srsly.

Just, no.

How-to photography by Brittany Watson Jepsen, model photo by Amanda Thomsen, dress from Vintage Bride.

since you asked.....

This is my holiday "dress." (Center, coral.)

I've been lusting after Raquel Allegra for three or four years now.... ever since I saw one of her tie-dyed dresses in the window at the old Mohawk General Store. (Which was on Mohawk, incidentally.) That dress used to torment me. It was so well lit, and so gorgeously ACID GREEN, I could see it from my car every time I drove by.

So you'd better believe I snatched this one up when I found it at Wasteland last week. NWT, people!!

Did I just turn into one of those assholes who brags about her resale finds? Oh well.


p.s. The model seems to be rocking it with some sort of leggins (not to be confused with "legginGs") but I think I'll go with jeans. That shit is SHEER.

Good Morning, Peoplefriends!

I will now be attempting to make quick-pickled radishes. Pretty, aren't they?

As I mentioned on Twitter, we're going to a super fun, halfway vegan, semi-glut free, verrrrrrrrrrrry hipster t-giving dinner, and I wanted to bring something a little unusual.

I found two recipes (1, 2) that look promising, but I can't decide whether to split the difference or make two separate batches....

I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED.





Photo courtesy of She Simmers

Ye Olde Holiday Dress Roundup

Here are my favorite reader suggestions from here and here. Plus one I threw in just because.

Top row (left to right): Black Velvet Helga Dress by To Be Adored ($244), Alexander Wang Asymmetric Silk Dress ($305 down from $675), Alice + Olivia Colorblock Dress ($295), Cape Sleeve Wrap Dress from Erin Fetherston ($148 down from $295)

Bottom row (left to right): Long Dress from Mango ($100), Embellished Maxi Dress from Dorothy Perkins ($238), Nicole Miller Stretch Crepe Pleated Dress ($355), Asos Wiggle Dress ($74)


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that is enough commerce for this week. YEESH.

Stay tuned for my adventures in Thanksgiving pickling.

Seeking: a dress for a MOTHEREFFING MASQUERADE BALL

Dear ESB,

My husband's company party is in a few weeks and represents a rare opportunity for me to get to play dress up (which is basically my favorite thing to do ever). It's formal attire (cocktail dress/gown for ladies, dark suit/tux for boys) and it's going to be a MOTHEREFFING MASQUERADE BALL which I'm sure only I am excited about.

And I just can't find a freaking dress that I like.

So here's the rub:

I'm about a size 12/14 and SUPER CURVY. (Hourglass, boobs for days, but my legs are like tree trunks). So I like dresses that are form fitting, floor length, and 3/4 length sleeve or long sleeves (I have to be able to wear a bra with it). And I'm hoping to keep it sub $300. Basically, if this Roberto Cavalli weren't a gajillion dollars.... 

I'd buy it in a heartbeat.

Maybe something like this, but a little less Designing Women? 

Double points for anything in animal print. And I'm not opposed to a very pouffy skirt either.

I'm willing to accept the fact that my tastes run a little grandma-lives-in-Miami-and-hasn't-abandoned-the-80's-yet if it means I can find something I feel and look awesome in.

Oh and I have short, asymmetrical-ish hair and I wear big earrings with everything.

*****

You guys up for more shopping??

There are so many good suggestions over here, I figure I'll just squeeze you dry and then maybe put together a holiday dress roundup ;)


Photo at top by Mert & Marcus for Vogue Paris, October 2010

Seeking: a non-slutty red bustier.....

Hey ESB--

I'm in a good bind.

My boyfriend has this cunt of an ex-wife that I've never met.

I'll be meeting her for the first time at a really fancy holiday wine party on December 2nd, and there's no better time to "highlight our differences" than going all-out-holiday-sexy here.

She's got great girl-next-door qualities, and I've got great glamour-puss qualities, which I'd like to capitalize on for this event. I'd love to be so gorgeously sexy she pouts all evening. She was just such a twat and sore loser when I started dating him that I'd like to rub it in her face that he deserves and has better than the way she behaved.

I've shit for online shopping. I was really hooked on the idea of a sensual green velvet dress (red hair, fair skin, hourglass shape), but couldn't find any I loved. I found a gorgeous vintage 50's, white tulle skirt in a thrift store here, but could only think to pair it with a red checked shirt or bright red cardigan, both of which go wonderfully casual, but maybe not exactly the end-result I'm hoping for. I thought about white skirt, red lipstick, and a non-slutty red bustier.....but does that even exist??

I want to make her seethe. I want to really step inside this holiday sex-kitten bombshell alter ego, and vamp it up to a T.

If you've seen any killa holiday outfits out there, I'd love some help.

Love,
Lady X

*****


SLOW DOWN THERE, LADYPANTS.

Stop trying to be such a glamour-puss sexy sensual sex-kitten.

If I were the ex-wife and I saw you decked out in some kind of red bustier Mrs. Claus pin-up outfit, I'd think, "Man, is she insecure."

The key in this situation (as in all situations) is not to look like you're trying too hard.




K, now who feels like shopping??

(The 2nd Annual) Dear ESB: Why do the holidays suck when you're married??

Dear ESB, 

How soon is too soon to make plans for the holidays, and what's the secret to making both families happy? This will my husband and my first holiday season as a married couple, and I'm concerned about setting some sort of precedent for how we spend future holidays with our families. I suppose we have it easy because our families are both driving distance from us-- his are 1.5 hours away, mine are 4.5. But they're in opposite directions, meaning a 6 hour drive if we want to go from his parent's house to my parent's house; sometimes much longer in Texas' good ol' stand-still holiday traffic.

Throughout our past 6 years of dating I've always done Thanksgiving with his family (because it's his grandparents' tradition to host, and we want to spend as much time as possible with them while we can), and we've parted ways to do Christmas day with our respective families. But last year we did Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas with mine, and then went back to his parents for the day after Christmas. We thought this would be okay, that we could switch it up next year to be fair, but it resulted with his mother crying about how she and FIL had to spend Christmas Day alone. I felt awful, but also offended. Because this was the ONE year in 6 that I'd pulled their son away for a holiday. And since they live closer to us, we see them ALL THE TIME. They drop in on weekends unannounced. They are constantly planning the next get family get-together. And, like I said, we always spend Thanksgiving with them. Which is all fine! I'm happy to spend time with them. But meanwhile, I RARELY see my family in comparison, partly because the drive is more considerable, and partly because my family just tends to get together less. We keep busy with our respective lives during the year, and then really value and make the most of those few days when we're all together; it's great. But my in-laws don't seem to realize that I have my own family.

After last year's tears and guilt, my husband and I thought, OK, next year we need to communicate with them better, and further in advance, to make sure they understand our holiday plans. But I guess we didn't think about it enough because while visiting his parents this past weekend, and while I was left alone with MIL, she asked me about our holiday plans. I was totally unprepared! And she didn't even ask the questions I expected: instead of just asking if we'd spend Christmas Day with them, she asked if we could leave the country and make a tropical beach vacation of it (which almost felt like bribery), and if it would bother my parents if we couldn't spend the actual day with them (wtf!), AND how many vacation days do I get from work per year, and how many had I used already? (clearly calculating how many days she could kidnap me!). I think my exact response to these questions was "Uhhhhh" and now I'm not sure how to proceed.

So, my very drawn out question is for you and your readers. I'm curious if most people split holidays down the middle, switching important days/ families each year to be completely fair. And if people are successfully coming up with a routine that is understood and accepted by both families. And if we really need to visit BOTH families for a single holiday, because good lord do I fear spending future holidays in the car….

PS, not only do I dread the very idea of telling my parent's we're ditching them for the tropics, but our in laws don't approve of drinking or really a lot of things and I feel like a long beach holiday with them might be too much for me!!

PPS, the tropical location that MIL wants to go to happens to be the same location that my husband recently visited for our honeymoon (which we paid for almost entirely on our own)! I have no idea if she intends to pay for this proposed Christmas trip or not, but regardless, why should they expect us to do it all over again with them!?

*****

Have you discussed this with your husband? Does HE want to go on the trip? It's perfectly acceptable for you to set ground rules, such as:

1. I'm willing to go away with your parents for 7 days max.

2. Never again will we visit both families for a single holiday.

And then he gets to enforce the rules with his mom. (Let her cry it out if she has to.) 

But, yeah. One of the biggest bummers about being married is that you don't just get to do what you want for the holidays. Whether or not your in-laws approve of drinking.

Photo by Paolo Roversi for Vogue Italia, March 2005 via Ananas à Miami
______________________________

I answered a similar question over here. The comments are quite good.

Speaking of Holiday Cards

I received THIS ONE in the mail on Saturday.

Andy & Jennifer & Heidi-May & Bonnie-Blue clearly made it just to help me prove my point.

Can we put a wedding pic on our xmas card?

Dear ESB...

My husband and I were recently married in July and would like to send out Christmas cards with our favorite pic from the wedding. We had a somewhat small reception and did not invite all of our friends. 

Is it rude (or inconsiderate) to send a Christmas card (with the wedding pic) to people who were not invited?

Thanks for any advice you can provide...

-Am I Scrooged?

*****

Even if I had been in attendance, I wouldn't want to see your damn wedding photo on a Christmas card.

Wedding, Christmas. Christmas, Wedding. TWO ENTIRELY SEPARATE OCCASIONS, mkay?

Why don't you take a newlywed holiday pic with your cat.

Photo by Melina via dreamcats

Ugh, holidays.

Hi, hoping your straight to the point advice can help me out on this one:

We've been married for 2 years, which makes this holiday season coming up our third go at the whole splitting up holidays thing, which is always painful. My family lives 2 hrs away, his is 45 minutes. We both love spending time with our immediate families, but I feel as though I do because my family actually has fun together and he does more out of obligation. Our first year, we did thanksgiving at his mom's and Christmas at mine. Then my dad passed away, so last year we did both holidays at my mom's house. Now, when I say "holiday," I'm referring to the actual day, we always see everyone, but it's the actual day of the holiday that gets us in fights.

So, here we are in 2011 - I want to be with my mom on thanksgiving and my sister has already invited us over for her to cook her first bird. He says it's not fair that we spend thanksgiving day with my family two years in a row. But since my dad passed, I feel like it's emotionally more important to be with my family for the actual holiday day than his.

What would you do here? Does anyone else out there have a hard time splitting up holidays between families?

*****

I was just ranting about this very problem.

H and I both have divorced parents, PLUS he's very close to his sister, who has her own complicated set of holiday obligations. Try splitting 2 holidays btwn 5 families who live all over the US + Canada.

I keep hoping one day we can just fucking stay home by ourselves.*

Anyhoo....

Regarding your dilemma. Because you spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas with your family last year, you should let your husband pick which holiday he wants to spend with his family in 2011.

You can be there for your mom without physically being there on THE ACTUAL HOLIDAY DAY. It's just a day. I promise.

And if you start trying to measure the emotional importance of being here or there, or (god forbid) get into it with your husb about whether or not his family "actually has fun together," you are really asking for trouble.

One more photo from Holly's wedding by Kristopher Orr

_______________________________

*Mom, Dad, anyone, if you are reading this, I totally don't mean that. L, K, T, L, we are so excited to be coming to Indiana for Xmas this year.

happy new year

I'll be honest with you, I was all ready to draft an f* this post....

So much pressure to plan the cocktails, find the right sparkly outfit, stop at every party, etc. You know what I'm saying? It's almost enough to make me stay home and watch Steel Magnolias on Oxygen. But we did that last night.

I'm gonna make a little confetti with my three-hole punch. A little gold confetti. Maybe that'll get me in the mood.

xoo.

p.s. Enough already with Confetti System. I think they're cool too. WE ALL THINK THEY'RE COOL. They've been discovered, mkay?

Image via wish jar

merry merry. or whatever.

Wishing you lots of bad HDTV and great movies, homemade truffles made by sweet ladies down the street, and the strength not to bite the heads off your family. Um. Did I say that out loud?

Time to sign off for a few days....





I miss you already.

Photo by my lady Christina Richards

I may have caught the holiday spirit.

Mock me if you must, but I think it happened somewhere between getting my hair cut on Fairfax and using an old credit (!) to buy two PERFECT presents at Buffalo Exchange on La Brea. Guess I ought to venture west more often.

Today I'll be cleaning house, roasting spiced pecans and attempting pomegranate champagne punch.* I'm more of a bourbon girl, as you know, but we've got a bottle of "California Champagne" languishing in the cupboard that was an anniversary gift from the Madonna Inn and I'm damned if I'm gonna let it go to waste.

(Image via fine little day)

*Unless anyone's got a better champagne punch recipe? I was planning to substitute organic vodka for the rum because a) organic = NO HANGOVER and b) what do I want with leftover rum?!

So yeah, the gift guides running all over the blogosphere are starting to make me a little nauseous. And now I feel guilty about the materialistic shit I post all the time.

Inspired by Keri Smith, I thought I'd offer an anti-gift guide. Or, TEN THINGS TO DO INSTEAD OF SHOPPING:*

1. Mail a holiday card to one of your blog friends. Maybe the one who sent you a present that you never properly acknowledged? You have her address. Just saying.

2. Learn how to use the juicer. Because you can't let your husband do everything for you. At least not when he's out of town.

3. Watch 4 hours in a row of Tabatha's Salon Takeover. Later, discover an awesome (in the original sense of the word) arrangement of dusty cobwebs under your desk and wonder whether Tabatha would consider taking over your house.

4. Figure out where to donate your old coat.

5. Put on your new coat and go for a walk. Snap photos of weird graffiti with your phone and save them as wallpaper.

6. Apply bioré pore strips to your entire face. Cheaper than a facial, and so much more satisfying!

7. Blast Uhh Yeah Dude while "reorganizing" the kitchen cabinets. (Read: Secretly recycling your husband's massive jar collection. What is he saving those for??)

8. Make a super rad mix CD to give your best girlfriends. Hell, give it to some guys too.** Note: Old New York mags and Urban Outfitters catalogs would make excellent raw material for collaging the cover art.

9. Finish that book you started in August.

10. SLEEP. Sleep sleep sleep.

(You can find Keri's list here.)

*Alternate title: TEN THINGS TO DO WHEN YOUR HUSBAND IS OUT OF TOWN

**I may or may not, in fact, be working on a "celebrity playlist" for The Flashdance. I'm still waiting for MA to figure out he's got me mixed up with someone else. Celebrity. Tee hee.

indie christmas shopping

I think more than one person on my list will be getting this calendar. Each of Nikki McClure's images "is an original papercut, cut from a single piece of paper."

From buyolympia.com or Greer Chicago.

p.s. Check out the rad interview with McClure on Fecal Face. Sorry Portland, but Olympia invented indie.