Dear ESB: I need a rebound dress

ESB-

I'm writing to you like a lame, lovesick teenager trying to get over a guy. Except I need to get over a dress. Go ahead and give me shit; I realize that BHLDN sucks. But that dress is gorgeous. Foolishly I tried it on, half hoping that it would look terrible on me since I'm shorter and more curvy than the model… but it looks even better on. 

It's roughly 2x my budget, they don't sell sample dresses unless it's out of stock forever (I asked, like the shameless poor girl that I am), if I wore the more affordable red version I'd blend in with the walls at my venue and the only person I found selling it used hasn't responded to me. 

Clearly I need to accept that it's not going to happen. So while I realize that this almost definitely isn't your style, if you or your readers are ever feeling bored and/or generous… I think I need a rebound dress.

*****

YOU DODGED A BULLET!

Model looks like someone is blowing a doily at her with a huge industrial fan.

Feel better? 

Now someone find a new dress for this lady, stat.

I have to wear this because I am a good daughter....

I am writing to you because I trust your style and I love esb! 

My mom bought me this dress from bhldn (yikes!) for my small low key wedding and I have to wear this because I am a good daughter and I love her. plz plz help me, how do I make this whole outfit look good? shoes? jewelry suggestions please. Thanks!

sincerely
a good daughter from chi city

*****

You are a grownup.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WEAR THE DAMN DRESS JUST BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER BOUGHT IT FOR YOU

HAVE I LOST MY EDGE YOU GUYS??

1. I have linked to BHLDN twice in the past 8 days. Unsnarkily.

2. I have sponsors and I actually like them and I sometimes worry that I mention them on the blog a) too much or b) not enough.

3. I just emailed Malin + Goetz, again, to beg free product for review. WTF? I mean, yeah, $48 for glycolic acid pads is def not in the budget right now, but HAVE I NO SHAME?

4. Omigod I hate myself. I'm going to target to shop for a new mattress cover and a bamboo flatware organizer and maybe a tiny digital kitchen scale because my big stupid plastic one with the matching plastic bowl does not fit in our new cupboards. kthxbye

Photo by Jed Root via Kylea Borges via Egle Šlipaitytė

By special request.........

A BHLDN bride in barefoot shoes.

ALISON, YOU RULE.


Also, a few other things you need to check out:

A very lovely post about marriage

A shopping trip to Shareen Vintage (parts one + two)

Baby Pug Bath Time

BHLDN pulls out the fancy wedding shorts

Gotta thank Virginia for calling my attention to these:

Just wanted to make sure that someone else--who is also opposed to the bridal "costume change" (except at Indian weddings, where it's part of the ceremony, has meaning, and is great)--had seen the $300 lace bloomers up on BHLDN that are supposedly for changing into after you change out of your reception dress but before you leave to go on your honeymoon. A separate (TERRIBLE) outfit for the rice-throwing portion of the evening?

Dots Dot Dots

Dear ESB,

Marrying a lovely lovely man in 3 months. Have a dress but nothing else. (I know, I know. I despise bhldn. But the dress is so pretty!) We're having a small brunch wedding, so pretty casual and possibly an outdoor venue. Any shoe and/or accessory advice?

I've never been terribly comfortable in heels, so I'm thinking a beautiful pair of ballet flats or sandals would do (I'm also short and curvy, so trying to keep me from looking shorter and curvier is a priority), easy to wear but still special for the day. 

Also, my fiance gave me an AMAZING engagement ring (an oversized copper disc with an asymmetrically-placed silver disc inside), and I'd like to be able to keep it as the focus of my jewelry.

Oh, and our general palette for the wedding is bright pink, yellow, and orange (read: citrus). We're pretty non-traditional, and want to keep things light and fun!

Thanks!
Shoeless but Shiny

*****

Dot earrings, obv.

And then…. Would you consider a slight heel?

There is no ballet flat on earth that will make you look less short.

Dress Hunt for a Non-Bride-y, Eco-Conscious, California Mountain Woman

Dear ESB, 

I've loved reading your blog for the past few months-- it's such a breath of fresh air. You have amazing fashion sense, and that's why I'm writing to you now. 

First of all: I'm a professional naturalist and a former park ranger. I spend my a big chunk of my life encouraging people to develop their connection to nature and the rest of society, to care for the earth, and to explore the wild. I try to teach people that what they buy affects the world socially and environmentally, and it's best to know how and where products are made before we buy them. I'm marrying an adorable woodworker (shameless plug here) who makes his furniture out of 100% reclaimed wood. He comes home wearing plaid covered in sawdust. Hot. 

Second: I live in the middle of nowhere, up next to the Sierra Nevada Mountains in a tiny little town that doesn't even have a signal light. And I LOVE it. But... there is almost nowhere to shop. LA and the Bay Area are a few hundred miles from me, so I'm reluctant to make the drive and aimlessly run around looking for dresses. 

Third: I committed the ultimate sin and bought this BHLDN dress. The shame. But I was in Houston with all of my relatives, it was one of the few opportunities I'd have to try on a cute dress, and I bit. But now I want to return it because it was probably made in a sweat shop. And it's polyester. Ick. 

Could you and your readers help me find another dress? Here are some basic guidelines:

1. I look a little bit like Botticelli's Venus: full thighs, small waist, small boobs, and curly blonde hair. So the dress needs to have a fuller skirt and a fitted top to be flattering. I'm about 5'8 and a dress size 4.

2. What I dislike: the bride-y cupcake look. I've looked at some of the eco dress posts on ESB, and they weren't really my style. None of the eco Etsy dresses I've looked at are appealing to me at all because they're either white and floofy or they look like a pile doilies stitched together.

3. What I love: natural, clean lines, embellished details that make the outfit pop. I love Alabama Chanin because the looks are simple but elegant, they use natural materials, the clothes are ethically made in the US... but it's crazy expensive. This is my favorite AC outfit.  It's for the tune of about $6,000 in total, so sadly not an option. The cheaper, simpler AC clothes may be just a bit too everyday to be a wedding dress. 

4. Designer or company needs to have a genuine environmental and workplace policies in place.

5. The dress does not need to be white. I'm happy with blue or earthy tones, just so long as it makes me look like a total goddess. 

6. The dress needs to be made in the USA. It would be awesome if someone found a dress made in California because I think it's important to shop locally. 

7. It's essential that the dress is made of natural materials, preferably organic, such as silk, cotton, hemp, etc. 

8. It may be a little chilly during the wedding (50 - 65 F), so it needs to have a little bit of sleeve or have something to go over it, like a cute jacket.

9. I'd prefer a full length dress to impress the fiance. 

10. My budget is under $1,000. $2,000 for something really amazing.

11. Something I could wear again would be huge bonus points, even if it needed to be dyed or altered. 

I hope y'all (that's right, I'm from Texas) can find something. Thanks!!

*****

Blah blah blah

Blah blah

Blah Blah

Does anyone feel like helping this GODDESS out?

Because honestly I couldn't even get through her email.

Attention: All you exhibitionists

LPC + Maddie would like you to wear this over your BHLDN dress.

(I bet if you did Hart + Sol would even offer you a discount on wedding photography.)

Payless beats BHLDN

So I ordered these from BHLDN and they came in this NASTYPANTS embroidered bag and shat glitter all over my apartment and legs and general person. I knew they'd have me bleeding within an hour, and I thought I could get better, less sheddy results spray-painting a pair myself. I then ordered ALL OF THE SHOES (seven pairs?). 

My truly desperate pair from Payless won out. And I really, really liked them.

A.

BHLDN is pissing me off

Hey ESB,

I'm Allyson, your Lady X, and THANK YOU for the rings you pulled online on your site. We love the ruby red ring so much! Anyway, I appreciate your time, so mahalos.

So. Are you familiar with BHLDN? It's Anthro's sister-wedding site. They launched their decor line today. Did you know you can purchase a 20 ft garland for $1500? Or a paper bouquet for $224? Or a freaking cake topper for $598?

Who the hell do they think they are?! The mark-ups on these items are disgusting. Weddings are NOT financial blow-out opportunities for commercial conglomerates.

*****

Actually, the press release I received was for BHLDN "décor." Perhaps that explains why they're charging roughly $5/paper petal?

(Photos courtesy of BHLDN; Layout by cevd, obv.)

Still waiting for a bride to rock Helmut Lang.

Will someone PLEASE get married in this ensemble?

In related news, Shopbop is launching a bridal boutique in a couple of weeks. (I know, right? Join the club.)

I have to admit I'm a little bit excited. Expecially after BHLDN turned out to be a big fat meh.