bachelorette weekends: wtf

I would just like to know when bachelorette parties went from being one day to several. It's not a party--it's a Weekend. Seriously, what is the history of this trend? When did it start? Will it stop? Am I a sourpuss for thinking that a dinner and some bar hopping is the appropriate amount of celebration for one's remaining single-ladyness but that an entire weekend of carousing is a bit much to ask? Especially when people are travelling for the shindig? Whatever happened to the bachelorette party after the rehearsal dinner? I am perplexed.

-bad bridesmaid?

*****

It's not that you're a bad bridesmaid, it's just that you're not very much FUN.

Image via Myan Duong via Jesse Breshears -- anyone know who took it? When I do the reverse image search, all I get is a kajillion links to "white girl wasted."

Bridesmaids Are Bitches

Dear ESB,

I'm a bridesmaid again, this is my 7th tour of duty in chiffon. Normally I'm used to some drama and madness but this time it's unusual to me because the root of the problem isn't the bride, it's a fellow bridesmaid.

The center of the problem is how to go about planning a bachelorette party. There are seven bridesmaids all together. The MOH (the bride's teenage daughter) and another maid are underage. Leaving five ladies who are of legal drinking age.

The first bridesmaid took the lead and began organizing a pub-crawl. It is an organized event, all of the logistics are taken care of and for one flat fee each person attending can drink all they want for the evening. Seemed like an easy solution, but then it got messy. I am unemployed and strapped for cash, I actually asked to not be a bridesmaid for this reason...but the bride insisted and promised me that this would not be a costly wedding. Which it hasn't been, thank God! The additional cost of a pub crawl is just too much for me and I really do not want to go on a drinking binge when I have to squeeze into a dress in a few weeks.

I didn't realize that the other girls felt the same way. None of us want to buy pub crawl tickets, but we are willing to tag along and run around the city with the bride, maybe having a few drinks here and there. On a personal note, I'm in a serious relationship and I don't want to bar-hop anymore. So are the other remaining ladies. Two are engaged, one is married. One of the other bridesmaids spoke up to the bride about their objections to the pub crawl and now the super-sweet gentle bride feels bad about imposing upon so many people. She wants to cancel the crawl, and all she really wanted was for her friends to be together.

A change in plans would not be so difficult to do, but the original planner bridesmaid just Will. Not. Let. It. Go. She has been contacting each of us individually and insisting we buy our tickets as soon as possible. She sent out a text message to everyone involved ordering us to stop talking to the bride about the party. Which made everyone involved really mad.

The best part is that the organizer bridesmaid will not be attending! She injured her foot recently and can't keep up with us. She's staying home. So she's insisting that we all go on a pub crawl she won't be attending herself. I took the time to contact the other ladies and discovered that independently, we had all suggested a Girls Night In at a house so that we could all be together and it was shot down each time....because (according to her) a house party with 6 ladies would be boring compared to a bar full of people.

I feel bad for the bride. Not only is her bachelorette filled with tension and drama, we all have to be in a room together this weekend for her bridal shower. I would like to take the lead and plan the house party that was mentioned as Plan B. I know the food and drinks can be fabulous and even though it's not a rowdy bar, drunk chicks on a sofa can still be memorable. Can you suggest a way to smooth this over with everyone so we can be drunk together without a catfight breaking out?

Diplomatic Bridesmaid

*****

You know what would SUPER BUM ME OUT if I were the bride? Going on a pub crawl bachelorette party while my bridesmaids "tag along" and "maybe have a few drinks here and there."

Fucking man up and tell Ms. Bossypants: "None of us want to go on a pub crawl. I'm throwing a party at my house instead."

SHE WON'T CLAW YOUR EYES OUT. I PROMISE. She might even gain a little respect for you.

Why do grown women have so much trouble standing up for themselves??

Vintage YSL via Amanda Halbrook via Mrs. Lilien

Novelty Penises FTW!

the next time someone asks for bachelorette party advice...

just tell her to get wasted in the middle of the day at her favorite brooklyn bar on cans of beer and whiskey shots. seriously though, my bachelorette party rocked. I begged for no penis shaped items or novelty veils but what can you do.

I woke up the next morning with a sparkler induced burn on my face. good times.

I just wish I had gotten some snaps of the tasty spread and the Sofia champagne in a can...

-sofia

Happy Tuesday

There's a new Dear ESB up on 100 Layer Cake this morning, in which I attempt to offer ideas for a Lady Gaga-esque bachelorette party.

(Everything I know about Gaga I got from Google yesterday afternoon. Pls feel free to weigh in with more pertinent suggestions.)

David Bowie, Aladdin Sane (1973) by Brian Duffy via Creative Review

Mr. & Mrs. Wool

Seven months ago I asked woolgathering & miscellany if she would send me wedding photos. Or, rather, I harassed her via formspring. Remember formspring?

Anyhoo, I received one image in January and one in March and (hurrah!) three more just this month. So. Without further ado...

Dear ESB,

Here's our wedding. Mind you this was over six years ago. We were young, dumb, and full of cum.

Our tattoo artist friend, Aaron Coleman, made our invitation. The original is a watercolor that's framed on our wall. This was also the invite and CD cover.

Our great friends Ean & Reba of Tales from the Birdbath wrote this song for us and flew from Seattle to play our wedding reception. We gave out CDs of the song as favors.

Another buddy, comedian Neil Hamburger, and a local band called Schlitzkrieg also performed. Neil threw a toaster at R on stage. My mom didn't get it.

Reception was held at Hollywood Alley. Anyone/everyone was welcome. Including the 5 drunken bachelorettes who showed up at the end of the night, blow up peen in tow. I must thank them, because this is the ONE photo I treasure most.

Photos are from friends/strangers who brought cameras.
Cake is from some crazy place that my mom liked.
Free kegs all night.
Air hockey in the back

I loved it because we just had so. much. fun.

Hope you enjoyed!
xoxo,
Gracie

A bachelorette party on the big Island

Dear ESB-

My best friend of 17 years is getting married in Kona, HI in about two months. I am planning a shower for the day and then a girls' night later that same day. BUT having never been to Hawaii before, I am in need of some creative direction. 

Do you have any awesome readers in Hawaii who can weigh in? 

Many many thanks.

*****

I happen to know I've got a few readers in Honolulu. (Thanks, Google Analytics!) Do you ladies ever get over to Kona, or is it a complete tourist trap?

Maybe someone who has honeymooned there can recommend a good restaurant and a fun bar or two. (We do, however, want to avoid anything too honeymooney. My memory of Hawaii is that everything was honeymooney....)

______________________________

Photo from Turned Out. Thanks are due to Chelsea for reminding me that I kinda dig this blog, even if half the outfits only work because really hot girls are wearing them. I mean, what are your thoughts on this hiking-boots-for-summer ensemble?

What do you give a bride for the bachelorette party?

Hey ESB,

This spring, I'm a bridesmaid in my first friend - and non-family - wedding.  I'm struggling a bit with gift ideas for the various wedding events.  What exactly do you give a bride for the bachelorette party and shower?  Do brides really want to be given lingerie that someone else picked out for them?  Is a gift necessary when it's a destination bachelorette?  What is expected and/or appropriate these days?

Ashley

*****

Effme. I've never even been to a shower. I guess you just shop the registry? Unless, of course, there is some some bullsh*t theme.

Gifts for the bachelorette party are strictly optional. (There is already way too much gift-giving surrounding weddings, if you ask me.) Just pls stay away from plastic handcuffs, furry handcuffs and/or satin handcuffs. Real handcuffs might be cool. And there's nothing wrong with picking out lingerie as long as you get a gift receipt.

Image via FFFFOUND!

karaoke wedding reception?

Dear ESB,  

please weigh in! 

so we have many vocally talented friends, and a few that are professional musicians. while we're not too keen on picking any one (or set) of them to be our wedding band (we want them to be partying with us!) for our joshua tree outdoor campfire kinda reception-idea,  we thought getting a karaoke machine - with a long list of pre-selected songs - could be a really fun way to include everyone. i can also see how this could go possibly terribly wrong. . .   thoughts? 

thanks!

LOVE!

-NorthEastside Bride

*****

Mkay. In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you that I hate karaoke. I mean, I'm willing to go to a dive bar/bowling alley that features karaoke for, say, a bachelorette party, but a new year's eve party I attended this year was hampered, in my opinion, by a retarded match of Karaoke Revolution that required those of us in the other room to turn our music off.

Here's what I think. Karaoke could be really fun late night. But if you bring it out too soon there is a serious danger you will scare off the people who have a) no interest in singing and/or b) no interest in hearing the "vocally talented" people sing. (Also... Professional musicians might really rather bring along guitars or whatever than sing along with a fucking machine.)

xoxo,

ESB

Photo by Michelle Pullman

p.s. You guys have sent me so many good questions, and I plan to answer them all, I swear. But feel free harass me if any of them are time sensitive.

How to be the best matron of honor EVER

Hey hey!

I have been reading your blog b/c you are just so lovely. My friend Joy had linked to you during her stages of wedding planning.

Anyhow, so I'm writing because my sister JUST (as in, on Christmas Eve) got engaged! I got married 3 1/2 years ago and it was a wonderful experience, and I'm looking for some advice/tips on how to be the best bridesmaid, or rather, matron of honour, ever. What do I need to stay on top of? I've been a bridesmaid a couple of other times, but lived far away from both those brides so wasn't super involved. I'd love any help/assistance/advice you can give me!

Warm wishes to you from chilly Canada!

Rachel


*****

Mkay. I’m a little offended that you called me “lovely” when I really try to envision myself as badass. But since you are Canadian, I won’t hold it against you.

So. HOW TO BE THE BEST BRIDESMAID/MAID OF HONOR/MATRON OF HONOR EVER:

1. Let her vent. The groom will get bored with wedding planning. There will be entire days when he doesn’t want to talk about it. Also, as I learned when H-town and I were planning our wedding, if you complain about something to a man, he will try to fix it. Adorable, but not always helpful. Sometimes you just want to complain. So tell the bride to imagine that you have given her one of those red telephones. A direct line to you. And any time she needs to jabber or rant or cry she can call you.

2. Tell her the truth (90% of the time). If, for example, she is leaning toward a dress that is a) lame, b) not flattering or c) not her, for chrissake speak up! She needs to know she can rely on you for an honest opinion. But if you don’t get to see the dress until it’s bought and paid for, you love it. Obviously.

3. Whatever with the bridal shower…. Throw her an amazing bachelorette party. Mine involved bar-hopping in gold heels and a pink feather boa. Don’t tell anyone, but my girlfriends also made me wear a pink t-shirt that said “Buy Me A Shot, I’m Tying The Knot.” The NYC-single-girl-me would have been mortified, but the LA-about-to-be-married-me had the best time. Note: Skip the condom/penis veil. Come to think of it, don’t affix condoms or penises to any part of her body. Thx.

4. When the time comes, rip that to-do list out of her hands. This won’t be easy. She might cancel her mani/pedi so she can supervise the table set-up at the reception hall. Or you might catch her rearranging the flowers in the chapel when she’s already late for the m-effing portraits. But the more you know about what’s supposed to happen/what things are supposed to look like, the more you can help when it starts to get hairy.

Oh, and write your speech in advance. Cocktail hour won’t be any fun if you spend it locked in the ladies room scribbling on index cards.

(Photo by Brian Henry)

because I'm obsessed

I thought you should know these would make great bachelorette party favors. Or stocking stuffers. Made from scratchy, super hairy wool and stuffed with polyfill for squishy goodness by shannongerard.

My very unscientific observation of etsy + hipster holiday craft fairs has revealed that the mustache is the new owl. Remember when owls were f'ing everywhere?

(From L, who may or may not be reading the blog. My meatspace friends never comment. I think they like to keep me guessing.)

Introducing: I'd rather be a bridesmaid

My oldest friend in the world drove down from San Francisco last weekend to co-host my bachelorette party. (That's her in the rabbit fur. I'm rocking the orange parka.)

Not only was she instrumental in making the entire weekend fabulous, she had some great down-and-dirty wedding-planning advice that I begged her to share with everyone.

So.... I'd rather be a bridesmaid will be posting now and then, offering wisdom gleaned from many years of participating in indie, artsy, and maybe even a few (gasp) conventional weddings.

She might give us some beauty tips too. I've already started using the organic skincare products she brought me from work, even though she warned me not to start a new regime right before the wedding. (Hey, my skin has never looked better.)

Hooray!

I will offer this bit of advice

Don't try to describe every detail of the bachelorette party to your fiance, your coworkers and your absent friends. They will never understand how amazing it was!

My ladies. Thank you thank you thank you. Now I'm ready to dance off into married life.

Another polaroid by {manda}