Friday, June 3, 2011

still haven't sent my Thank You notes....


You know who I am, but let's just call me Procrastinator Smith...

OK, so I know you deal with typical pre-wedding stuff, but how about post-wedding questions? Variety is the spice of life, right? RIGHT.

Well, here's a post-wedding question for you: I am embarassingly writing you because my wedding was in October and well, I have yet to send out Thank You notes to my vendors. I am starting to realize that since I procrastinated so much (reason being full-time work and the school year was intense and that I just suck at writing Thank You notes, in general) that I should send them unique 1-year anniversary Thank You notes come October. But since they will be horribly late (according to anyone with common etiquette), I need some MINDBLOWING ideas from your readers so my vendors will think "Oh, so that's why they took so damn long with their Thank You notes!" HELP!


Procrastinator Smith

P.S. Pictures of my dude and I in the middle of a field with old furniture or pinwheels or balloons or bunting or fauxstaches on dowels need not apply.


Don't try to blow anyone's mind. Just write the damn thank you notes.

Clémence Poésy by Ami Sioux for Wonderland Magazine via Le Fashion via Bri Emery


  1. Say "F*** it!" and write them!

    A close friend of mine was married at the end of August – LAST YEAR.
    The "Thank You" note arrived last week ... so what?
    It reminded me of that wonderful party!

    Greets, Heidi

  2. Our wedding was in 2009.

    I still haven't written thank you cards.

    I'm pretty sure there is a special spot in wedding hell reserved for me, David Tutera, and that bitchy saleslady on "Say Yes to the Dress"

  3. You're supposed to send thank you notes to your vendors??! Shit - does e-mail count?

  4. What Danae said. We thanked them at the time. But no thank you note. We may still have one or two from the wedding as well. Our 2nd anniversary is next weekend. Oops.

  5. What? Vendors? You pay them and you tip them. You don't have to send thank you notes to them.

  6. I have never heard of a rule that says you must send thank-you notes to vendors. It's a very nice gesture, but it isn't like not sending prompt thank-you notes for wedding gifts. Just do it--nobody will care that you're late, they'll be delighted that you sent notes. Not to self-promote, but here's some thank-you note writing guidance as taught by my southern mother:

  7. We didn't send anything to our vendors either... Guess it's a good thing I don't expect to have to use them again.

    (you sent thank you notes for gifts by now though, right?)

  8. Amazing! I was just having a thank you card dilemma and thought "I wonder if ESB has written about this" then lo and behold the question is on thank you cards!

    My wedding was in December... I figure better late than never though, right?

    My question is, what the frick do you do about the presents that didn't have a card so you don't know who it's from?? I have one of those, and one other gift that only had the first name when we had two people of that name there... both of the items were off the registry so no clues about the gift-giver there... argh! I don't see a way of asking the people if it was them that gave us the gift, but I also hesitate to send them a thank you note that doesn't expressly thank them for that gift... help me!

    Thanks :)

  9. Yeah, you get a whole year to write the notes according to common etiquette, so you're still good. Our wedding was in Sept and we're still working on them. We're writing very thoughtful notes to each of our guests, so they take a long time and you can't do more than a few in one sitting before needing a break. We figure folks would rather get a heartfelt note LATER than a short and generic card SOONER.

  10. A whole year?! Awesome, I kept reading that it was supposed to be within 2-3 months :)

    (Although given the amount of things I am supposed to do within a year, and the fact that it's been 5 months and I haven't done any of them, perhaps I should still worry a little?)

  11. This you-have-a-whole-year-to-write-them thing is not true, yall.

  12. WORD UP TO WHAT ESB SAID. Mrs. Smith, it sounds like you're just looking for YET ANOTHER reason to PROCRASTINATE. Write them this weekend.

  13. I swear I was about to send in this exact question. Married in October and everything. I've been feeling pretty sick to my stomach every time I thought about them. And then, just this week when I decided I was going to sit down and just do them already, two sucker punches right in a row: one- I've lost my address list! two- Canadian postal service is on strike!

    Maybe I'll just hand-deliver them all? *sigh*

  14. So these are thank you notes for vendors?

    I don't think that's required. It IS required for gift givers though. And while prompt is better than late, late is better than never.

    If you want to thank your vendors, that's kind of you, but while I sent an email thank you to one vendor and gave tips plus verbal thanks to other vendors, I didn't send them proper hand-written-on-lovely-stationary type thank you notes. I've recommended them to friends and pushed their names when my wedding appeared on a wedding blog.

    Is anyone here a wedding vendor? Am I a horrible client for not sending thank you notes to vendors? Is that standard now?

  15. Hello! Mrs. Smith here.

    @Nikki: OMG, yes I sent thank you notes to gift givers months and months ago. My parents would have killed me.

    @17 beats and ESB, you're right. I do have a tendency to procrastinate when it comes to things like this, just to procrastinate. BAD HABIT I AM WORKING ON, PROMISE.

    @Anon 8:06 I don't think they're required either, but when I had my first meeting with some of my vendors, they had testimonial books filled with thank yous and random notes from past clients and all my vendors did such great jobs that I want to make sure other people know how awesome they are when they first meet them.

  16. Agree with Cara. They provide a service, you pay them for that service. No thank you note required.

  17. @Mrs Smith - in that case, I think it would be pretty sweet for the vendors to receive a thoughtful note out-of-the-blue saying still thinking about that awesome party you helped us throw in October!

    @Tonia - I totally agree with that last bit about writing a heartfelt note later vs. a generic card sooner. My brother and his wife sent us one of those Costco photo cards with the words thanks for sharing our special day! printed on it. We'd hand-carved a sign for them out of a piece of wood. I still go blind with rage when I think of that goddamn card.

  18. I stand by the year thing I said earlier....All the wedding books I read leading up to our wedding said we could take a year to write our thank you's if we were a busy working couple. Sooner is better, but a year is acceptable.

    When we sent my Grandma her card within a couple months of the wedding, she remarked "Wow! So soon! How did you have time?" Because she knows how busy we are. I think as long as you do it within a year and your notes are thoughtful and personal, you will not offend anyone. Like I said, we're still working on ours as well (almost done!) Don't stress out- try to enjoy the process and let it bring back good memories of the day!

  19. "in that case, I think it would be pretty sweet for the vendors to receive a thoughtful note out-of-the-blue saying still thinking about that awesome party you helped us throw in October!"-nikki

    YES! This! They will be pleasantly surprised. Also, for those that have not sent thank-yous. Do it. Do it now. Don't wait any longer. And if the postal service is on strike write them and mail them the first day they go off strike!
    I think if you have waited over 6 mo. to send thank-yous it is tacky but it's best to fess up and look bad (a little) with a late thank-you than blow it off for another year. Your friends and family will still appreciate the thought and be glad that you received their gift. You might apologize for the tardyness but I don't think excuses are needed. Saying,"I've been so busy." just makes the thank-yous sound unimportant because really you've probably had many times when you could have done it but didn't think to or didn't want to.

  20. Mrs. Smith, it takes one to know one (a procrastinator), TRUST ME. I can procrastinate with the best of them. I find, though, with something like thank-you notes, I just have to 'break the seal'. If I just write the first couple, and get in the groove, it becomes much easier.

  21. @17 man. that is true of everything. writing. running. DOING THE MOTHERFUCKING DISHES.

    not that *I* am a procrastinator or anything.

  22. who writes thank you notes to vendors??? I sent texts and emails to the ones I had become closer with and assumed my payment and/or tip was thank you enough to the others.

  23. @17 beats: I am exactly like that also. That is how I got all my gift thank you notes done. I started and went all night and before I realized it, they were done.

    @ESB: I am sensing sarcasm with that last sentence. ;) BTW, one of my favorite chores is washing dishes...let me do those and you can sweep my floors. I fucking hate that chore AND I have allergies, so I look like a damn puffer fish after I do it.

  24. @Mrs. Smith meh. how bout i do your laundry?

  25. @ESB: I like doing 3 chores: washing dishes, doing laundry, and cleaning out fridges.

    To show you how much I hate sweeping/dusting...I would rather do all of the 3 above for you for a week (maybe even 2) than have to go sweep or dust.

  26. If you want to do something extra special for your vendors, send the late thank you note and then use pretty much the same text to give them kick-ass reviews on Yelp, Wedding Wire and any other vendor review sites you can think of. That will be the BEST late gift you can give them and you only have to compose one message (maybe with some minor editing). Mention your Yelping and Wiring in the card they will be THRILLED, believe me.

    Just make sure you do more than one Yelp review on the same account. Yelp has a tendency to delete five star reviews for businesses that don't pay to advertise with them from people that haven't reviewed anything else. They accuse the businesses of writing it themselves even if they have no proof -the bastards!

  27. I have an etiquette question: after our wedding we sent thank you cards to everyone who came, adding specific references to gifts if they gave them but just thanking them for their presence if they hadn't (yet or otherwise) given us a gift. I figured it was rude to parse out thank yous to only the ones that had given us something other than the glow of their unique and beautiful souls. The cards were thoughtful and hand made and personalized. We have had a few gifts roll in since the wedding, do I need to send new thank yous acknowledging the objects?

  28. @juddy yeah, you do. people need confirmation that you *received* the objects.

  29. @juddy p.s. you are ALL CLASS for writing to everyone. i wish i'd done that.