Hi ESB –
I have 5 bridesmaids… one is the groom's sister. She’s two years younger than me and my FH, she’s 27, and has been off unemployment for 5 months, after having collected for two years. She seems to have no intention of getting a job, but loves posting on facebook about how she is in two weddings and doesn’t have a dollar to her name. She does actually assist an older lady in her home on a semi-regular basis, and I know she is getting at least $80 a week. She lives at home and does not pay rent, so her expenses are relatively low. My other 4 amazing bridesmaids have generously accommodated the situation by agreeing to split everything for the shower and bachelorette four ways. My future-sister-in-law (FSIL) has been told all she needs to worry about are her shoes, and anything she eats or drinks the night of the bachelorette. I should mention at this time, that I bought her bridesmaid dress.
My MOH has set up a facebook event page to keep everyone aware of the events and cost, etc. She’s reached out to my FSIL via email, text, facebook, and phone call to try to get her involved and find out her plans for who she will room with at the bachelorette, but to no avail. They finally connected, after I had to step in and ask FSIL to get in touch, and my MOH was as nice as she could be, but found my FSIL’s manner hard to handle. FSIL seemed to think that my MOH would be making all the arrangements for FSIL even though she decided to stay with her 21 year old cousins, (who I did not invite to the bach), instead of staying with the bridal party, where she would not have had to pay for the room. This caused my MOH to call me afraid she upset my FSIL, and my FSIL b*tched to everyone and her mother about how awful my MOH is.
Here’s the kicker… two months later, my MOH calls me to tell me that my Future-mother-in-law (FMIL) just called my MOH to “straighten out” the situation. I am livid!! I think the last time my mom called someone on my behalf, I was probably in elementary school. During their conversation, my MOH was made out to feel like she is completely and purposely leaving my FSIL out of the loop. My MOH tried to explain everything she and the other girls have done to accommodate FSIL, but FMIL wasn’t hearing it and made excuse after excuse for her daughter about broken phones and no internet access (all bs because I know the true timeline of those issues). In the end FMIL offered to pay for her daughter’s share of things, which is awesome, but now FMIL wants to be copied on all the emails to the bridesmaids so she can be in the loop.
My MOH is complying because she doesn’t want any awkwardness at the shower/bach or wedding. She’s really not psyched about bringing FMIL into all the bridal party planning and neither am I. This really seems like FMIL is continuing to enable FSIL’s behavior and allow her to not accept responsibility or be a part of anything. I really want to confront my FSIL and say “Why the *!?@* are you having your MOM call my MOH?!”, but know I shouldn’t even be involved… my MOH really didn’t want to tell me, but I’d been hearing things through the grapevine and was able to weasel it out of her.
Should I have my FH attempt to get a handle on the women in his life? Should I do anything at all? We’ve got 4.5 months to go before the wedding, and I just can’t imagine how out of control this could all get. I really feel awful that my MOH has to deal with this and am wondering if you’ve got any advice for any of this ridiculous elementary madness.
Sit your FSIL down and ask her if she actually wants to be a bridesmaid.
It sounds to me like she doesn't.
And if she's going to act like a five-year-old, she shouldn't be allowed to play with the big girls.
Andrej Pejic by Mert & Marcus for Vogue Paris via Kylea Borges via Kasia Bocian + The Fashionisto