Monday, June 6, 2011

Review(ish): Spousonomics


Two months ago, I was in the middle of a ridiculous snit about dirty dishes when I landed on this essay in the New York Times.

Jenny Anderson wrote: "I used to take the fairness temperature of my relationship every day. Were we splitting the chores? Were our careers progressing equitably or was I being shortchanged because I relieved the nanny more? If I picked up his socks today, would he expect me to pick them up forever?"

WAS SHE INSIDE MY HEAD?

I immediately wrote to Random House and asked if they would send me a review copy of Spousonomics, the new book Anderson has written with Paula Szuchman.

It's a revelation.

Anderson and Szuchman frame ten different marital dilemmas in economic terms, demonstrating, for example, through the principle of Division of Labor, how it isn't economical for two people in a relationship to divide the household chores down the middle. Instead, if each person does the chores she is most efficient at, everybody benefits.

So. I have faced the fact that I'm a more efficient dish-doer than H.* And I've realized how much stuff he does around the house (gardening, plumbing, endless car + computer maintenance) that I never counted as "housework."

I've also learned (from the Incentives chapter) that if I trust H instead of nagging him, he will actually do the dishes or make dinner or go to the grocery store a lot more often. HALLELUJAH!

If you are engaged or married or IN A RELATIONSHIP, you need to read this book.**

My only complaint is that Anderson and Szuchman try a little too hard to be hip. Or flip? They repeat the phrase "Exhaustive, Groundbreaking, and Very Expensive Marriage Survey" no fewer than thirteen times in the book, which is exhausting.
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*Please don't tell him I said that.

**It's not all about dishes, I promise. There's plenty of sex in there too.

22 comments:

  1. innnnnnnnnnnnnteresting! must go grab a copy, but i'm afraid that it'll tell me that it's not fair that R does EVERYTHING. :/

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  2. cookies, welcome to the stuff i get to research all day long.

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  3. @lauren yeah, i know. but this book is really good! and you'll learn some econ!

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  4. @woolandmisc you give blow jobs, don't you?

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  5. we could play a game where we guess how many galleys of that book are within fifty feet of me right this second. think on the y-axis, too, since i'm in a tower.

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  6. I'm with woolandmisc, I think he does way more than I do. But then again, I do give the blow jobs. Touche.

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  7. I'm scared, though. What if I'm efficient at all the shitty stuff? And what if I'm only efficient at that stuff because I've been doing it all my life and my boyfriend is only now having to CLEAN HIS OWN EFFING DISHES? I'm intrigued enough, though. I'll read it.

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  8. @Angela - indeed. My husband is inefficient at laundry because he hates it and he hardly ever does it, therefore it takes him forever and he doesn't do it right.

    He is however not just efficient but excellent at cooking so I will trade him the cooking for laundry any day.

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  9. @Angela that's just chapter one. there's lots more on getting lazyboneses to pull their weight.

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  10. i need this. too much tallying going on in this little head o' mine.

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  11. I'm getting this for Mike for his birthday. Bwahaha.

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  12. We recently came to an agreement that I'll do the dishes because I hate it slightly less than he does. In turn, he will fold laundry (I despise folding laundry). Since it only took us three years and countless snippy arguments to figure out this arrangement, I think we may need this book.

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  13. ehhhhhh, sometimes-- but not in proportion. what can i say, i'm a taker, not a giver.

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  14. Hmmmmm ... I'll need to check it out.

    I did EVERYTHING while he was in grad school and stopped almost entirely once he graduated. I am hoping I can somehow keep the laundry ball totally in his court for the rest of our lives. My trump card is that he has less underwear than I do, so I can last longer in a stalemate. Also, I'm willing to cook more often.

    We both do the dishes, constantly. Dishes are my thing - I cannot have any dishes in the kitchen for more than 12 hours, ever. They must all be washed as soon as they're done being used. It actually works out pretty well.

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  15. Underwear Trump Card should be the name of some mildly irreverent indie rock album. like in the next month. let's make this happen.

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  16. "My trump card is that he has less underwear than I do, so I can last longer in a stalemate."

    Well this just sums up more about my relationship than I care to admit.

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  17. i feel like i'm efficient at fuckin everything and he's efficient at sitting on his ass drinking beer and reading the paper.

    i think i need this book.

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  18. That definitely sounds like a fscinating read! Hmm.. just thinking about the things I never consider to be housework. I want to read it!!!

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  19. Bahaha this came to a head recently in our house... the result is that he does dishes and I do laundry. It works pretty well until we both have exams AND get sick at the same time (like right now) and so we have no clean dishes or clean clothes :(

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  20. I want to read the book.
    And you just sorted out the wedding present for my friend.
    I am not married but we are living together so there are plenty of socks and dishes already.
    So far everything seems quite balanced though I am the messy one.
    I hate dishes and dislike most cleaning but I am a brilliant cook.

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