Friday, July 8, 2011
FOTB Bars BM's Date From Wedding Venue
So I've read pages and pages of your blog looking for the answer to my situation and been hoping that the issue might pop up at some point, but yeahh, it hasn't, so here goes!
As a bridesmaid at a wedding in May I had been told way back last summer that if I happened to be dating anyone by the time the wedding rolled around that it would have to have been for 6 months or longer or dude wouldn't be invited. Of course last summer that was no problem. I also understood: budget, venue capacities etc. Fine.
Fast forward to three months before the wedding (and well past the statute of limitations on my dating life plus wedding invite) and I'm giddily and happily dating a wonderful man. Of course he can't come to the wedding and the reception, I'm still all good with that, but at the second shower for the bride I learn that all other bridesmaids have a) parents invited (mine aren't) b) significant others of some sort also invited. Now I'm getting a little perplexed as to why I'd not be allowed an extra invite, so when everyone has left the shower and it's just the MOH (friend of over 10 years) and myself cleaning up I decide to feel out the situation and see if the bride (also a friend of over 10 years) would be cool with bf coming for just the dancing/drinking/party part of the night, after all the old people have left. She thinks there probably wouldn't be an issue with it, but that I should really ask the bride.
Cut to the next day and awful email from MOH saying I'm being rude, presumptuous, disrespectful towards bride and her family's wishes that not all dates be invited and how dare I have the audacity to suggest bf should come for the party. She, after all, was a MOH for another bride when she had just started dating her guy then and would NEVER have dreamed of asking if he could come even though the bride did eventually extend an invite for him to come.
The subject was dropped. I never mentioned it again to the MOH and never asked the bride if bf could come since I suspected that the MOH's response was actually from the bride. Instead I waited until the day of the wedding while we were dropping our stuff off at the hotel to mention to the bride that bf was going to be picking me up from the reception that night and he'd probably have a dance with me before he helped me bring my stuff to the car. OH NO, this was not acceptable. Didn't I know that admittance to the wedding/reception venue was paid on a per person basis by her parents!? She'd have to check with mommy to see if it was okay for him to be there... not eating dinner (thereby not costing them anything), having a dance with me and helping me bring my stuff to the car. The bride knew for several months that I was a) not staying at the hotel and b) that my guy would be picking me up to drive me home.
An hour before the ceremony mommy dearest pulls me aside and informs me that my guy was not allowed to be there, and I was not the only guest who could not have their significant other at the party and that's just the way it was going to be and I had better pull myself together for the ceremony. I politely informed her that unlike the other guests who could not have their significant others at the party mine was my safe and sober ride home for the evening since I lived around the corner and wasn't staying at the hotel where the shuttle was taking everyone else, so he would be arriving at the venue at some point anyways to pick me up. Her response: "Well, I'm sure the venue will have locked the front doors by then anyways." Right lady. And all the smokers are NOT gonna come back in to your daughter's wedding?
10 pm rolls around, there are 30 out of 140 guests left at the party and I'm feeling even more annoyed about my guy not being allowed in. Then around midnight one of the groomsmen comes in from smoking and says that there's a guy in the parking lot asking for me because why? Oh yes, bride's father is stationed at the door and won't let him step foot in the building.
Since the wedding I've seen the bride once, next morning brunch at the hotel. I've also received two group emails from the bride: one informing all acquaintances of their newly purchased home, the second to all the bridesmaids saying how great it is that she's seen most of them since the wedding and how nothing has changed since she's gotten married and how excited she is to go on her honeymoon the next day. I respond excitedly to both emails, congratulate her, say I'm looking forward to seeing some pictures from her trip etc.
The clincher for me: I work in the wedding industry. It's a lot of fun. Very soon I'm working at the EXACT same venue my friend was married at. An email from the couple for this wedding informed me that not only were they considering me a guest and giving me a spot at a table and inviting me to stay and party with them, but they were also extending the invite for my guy to be part of the day right from the ceremony, through to the reception: dinner, drinks and dancing. They've never met my guy and I would never dream of asking a client if my bf could also come along.
I thanked this couple profusely and told them how very awesome they are. It's not something I would've expected or even anticipated since they're paying me to be there, and THAT'S where the problem lies for me: my good friend (and her family) of over a decade causes a stink about my guy even stepping into the venue at a party I had to pay for the privilege to be part of where he wasn't going to consume a single thing they would've paid for, and here's a couple I've known for only a few months who are paying me to be part of their day wanting to include my guy.
I had already felt like I needed to have a serious talk with my friend when she got back from her honeymoon, but now part of me is saying "Just F&#* it and leave it alone," while the other part feels like I REALLY want to tell her to F&@* off. What do I do!? Move on from the friendship since I'm not feeling the love? Call her up and have it out? Part of me feels like it's not worth it, but the other part doesn't want to toss out the friendship.
Don't toss the friendship. I have a feeling this woman just TEMPORARILY LOST HER BRIDEZILLA MIND. With a lot of help from her parents.
Why not tell her the story about your rad clients and confide that the whole sitch with her wedding/your boyfriend really hurt your feelings? (Or you could simply show her this post.)
NOTE TO BRIDES/BRIDEZILLAS/GROOMS/PARENTS: Don't forget you want your guests + the bridal party to have fucking fun at the wedding. It's not *all* about you.
Photo: Benjamin Dukhan by Thomas Lohr for Under The Influence via Fucking Young!