Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I feel like I morphed into one of those girls...

Hey esb,

I'm tsk tsk-ing myself because I have yet to contact you about MY wedding details and/or conundrums.

I mean, hello you're the effing hbic when it comes to honesty/shaming, dispelling Wedding expectations and making sense of all the minutiae of pre nuptial Craziness.

I've been lucky to rely on my 2 bbffs, who have both gone down the aisle, for most things. I'm now 71 days (thanks silly knot ticker) from our day. I'm standing back all of a sudden and I'm surprised w how traditional I've gone w things. Like, I always imagined my wedding to be so out there or at least one of a kind... But I fear I got sucked into all the blogs and crafty diy madness that saturated the hipster bridal scene.

Anyways, is this a normal feeling? Have I had an overdose of wedding identity stress?

I feel like I morphed into one of those girls and i'm not just following my instincts. Months of looking at super staged, perfect wedding "inspired" shoots got to me.

I should just say fuck it to the "sparkler send off" and just offer explosive rats.


first: delete your knot profile RIGHT FUCKING NOW. didn't i teach you better than that?

second: i think you'll regret it if you don't start following your instincts and let a few weird-y details in.

if not an exploding rat send-off, then what about found-object favors?

(Geneva Hopson via Arthouse at the Jones Center)

we're counting on you to be a tastemaker.

Illustration at top by Aleksandra Kopff 


  1. there isn't much out there that hasn't been done before (and blogged about), but that doesn't, in itself, mean you should change it. You picked things, assumedly, because you liked them. It doesn't matter if the things you happen to like best and want to include also happen to be the hipster trends of the moment.

    But if you are really concerned: stop looking at the blogs, put your wedding into perspective and think about all the elements and how it will play out. Imagine your wedding as a once-in-a-lifetime experience and NOT a photo opportunity. Now, what would you change? Change those things, add different things based on what you and your partner want, with no regard for how it would look on 100layercake.

    Blogs are great for inspiration, but it's almost like brides now plan weddings for how they'll look in a blog spread instead of what they really want or care about.

  2. And that's why I pick esb out of my Reader every morning. Keeps me on my toes full of fighting spirit.

  3. just quit reading wedding blogs and looking at the freakin' knot. those staged weddings are enough to send a girl over the edge. leading up to our wedding, the only wedding related website i looked at was ESB. she keeps things on the sane side of town.

  4. I think the pressure of having a 'different' wedding can be the same as the pressure of having a 'traditional' wedding - just do what you want. If there's a specific detail you want to change, do it because you want it and not because a blog (this one or any other) is telling you otherwise

  5. Oh jesus delete the pretty blogs from your reader asap, they drove me nuts in the run-up and I wish to fuck I had. They are gorgeous, and a great start, but be yourself eh?

  6. I felt the same twinges as you right before my big day, because I had drawn inspiration from some "pretty blogs" and about a month out from the wedding I started to feel like none of my ideas were original (and it really stung because I fancy myself a creative person.)

    BUT, the diy tissue-paper fluffs that we hung all over the tent were made by my five aunties and me. We spent a long weekend at our family cabin gossiping, drinking, eating, and fluffing tissue paper into perfect purple balls.

    We also sewed doilies onto 40 table runners. The doilies had been collected by friends and family members and mailed to me. They came with stories like "this one belonged to my great-aunt who was a professional horse-jumper." The doily thing might have been done before, but it still was incredibly meaningful to us. I wouldn't trade those memories for ANY completely original idea on the planet.

    So, go forth, and seize the already-been-done-day and have a helluva time.

  7. I agree with ESB that you should delete your knot profile. it's poison. BUT! remember that when you're involved in planning a wedding you're sucked into the wedding blogosphere and think all you're doing is stealing ideas...but the people that are at your wedding (unless they too are planning a wedding) are not paying attention to the trends (um, bunting, hello?) and will get a general nice vibe from your wedding...but mostly they want to have access to booze, good food, a dance floor and your time.

  8. The most fun wedding I've been to was a hippy jewish wedding and it was because it was all, "oh and now we are doing what? Oh fun!" and it all made sense to me, because it was about what the people were like. It wasn't "photo perfect" or anything, it was just really true to the people getting married.

    I think you should aim for, "will this surprise my guests a little, with a happy surprise? Will I have fun?" and let the rest of your expectations go. Exploding rats = definitely yes to surprise, but no to the happy part.

    Also if you have cool friends, farm that crafty shit out to them. Be all, "I need a cool thing to stand under" or "find me a poem". That way its surprising to you, its meaningful, everyone will love the wedding more because they own it a little too.

  9. I say, do whatever the hell you WANT to do. You want exploding rats? Fucking do it. If you feel overwhelmed, please rest assured that you two will shine through even if you don't delete that Knot bullshit. (though you really, really, really should)

    I had a few pangs of fear over the whole thing feeling a little textbook, but in the end the quirks came out because my husband and I are quirky, and our best people are quirky too! We all had so much fun, and I think it was because we didn't *try* to be or do anything. It just was what it was.

  10. I think its important to remember here that you still have 71 days, and thats a lot of time to tweak a few things. I felt a bit the same way after my wedding was over, "wow that was pretty traditional, huh?" But am glad I went with a few pretty unique things. Overall everyone had fun no matter what it looked like, and it will still be the best day youve ever had. Promise!