Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I ALMOST HIT ON A HOMELESS GUY


Friend One just emailed me this transcript from an IM chat she had with Friend Two. Please click to enlarge and enjoy.

56 comments:

  1. lol! if it helps- down here in the keys its hard to discern who is homeless & who isn't. your average folks look a lil scuzzy & your homeless are tan & have plenty of water to bathe in...

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  2. Fog and Smog need to record a follow up: "Findin' Luv in the Whole Foods Parkin' Lot."

    Original.

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  3. i once tried to stage a random-friendly-stranger intervention on what i thought was a suicidally lonely guy on the street in england. then he barfed ALL OVER.

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  4. Homeless people *are*human, believe it or not. So one hasn't entirely degraded oneself by finding a homeless human being attractive.

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    1. Come on! I think we all know that the homeless are human beings too. It doesn't mean this girl wanted to flirt with a homeless guy. Would you go scoping for a guy who when he takes you home it's to the Whole Foods parking lot? Get over yourself!

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  5. I'm sorry to be this person but: as someone who works with homeless people, I'm not loving this. There are plenty of homeless people who look like you and I, who work 40 hours a week or more, who have children, girlfriends, husbands, wives, etc. I mean, I get that this was a funny situation in that it wasn't what she was thinking - but maybe it was, actually? He could have actually been smiling at her because he thought she was cute. People do that, and homeless people are just that: people.
    And I'm off my soapbox. I know you didn't mean any harm, I am really not trying to start a fight or anything, just felt like I had to say my little piece. I'll have a better sense of humor next time.

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  6. it could have been an actor researching a role as a homeless person a la arrested development?

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  7. oh, enough with the homeless people political correctness. this isn't about being homeless.

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    1. What *is* it about, then?

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    2. Yeah, I'd be curious to know, too...

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    3. honeys gettin their swerve on

      god

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  8. Sure it's about being homeless. The tone was "Oh my god, what have I stooped to?" Not cool.

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  9. If it's not about being homeless, what is it about? This person is mortified that she flirted with a homeless person or someone she assumed was homeless. I guess what it's really about is demonizing what we fear/loathe/doesn't understand or want to associate with. You could replace "homeless" with any other class of people. "Wow, I was attracted to him until I realized he was ______." Republican. Black. Poor. A Packers fan. Whatever.

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    1. Yep. But 'homeless' is a crueler thing to put in there than Republican.

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    2. I'd never date a Packers fan. Disgusting.

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    3. Homeless isn't crueler than republican in my opinion...

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  10. i once thought a guy was hot on the bus, realized he was homeless, was suddenly disgusted/reacted like the person in this convo, and i've felt bad about that reaction ever since. what a horrible thing for me to feel disgust, not compassion.

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  11. Shit, and here I thought being hipster was about trying to be a cool version of poor... or something. Oh wait, I guess the word here to "homeless." My bad.

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  12. everyone who thinks this is really mean and evil -- would you go on a date with a homeless person? have sex with a homeless person? it may be unfair, but probably not. right? that's the humor in this. the whole foods friend (who is possibly male?) wasn't like 'omg i almost SPOKE to a homeless person. eww.' i'm sorry, but people are allowed to have certain biases when it comes to who they'd date or bone and anyone who thinks they are completely equal opportunity on that front is almost definitely lying to themselves.

    that said, i once brought a gentleman home from a bar after hanging out with him there all afternoon, and he had this bag with him that turned out to have toiletries, clothes, etc ... apparently he was 'between apts' or something. so, yeah, homeless. and for the record he was most definitely hot.

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    1. Um, I have actually been..... (gasp) homeless at one point in my life. I was not unsanitary, I was not high, it was just a rough patch. So.... yeah.

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  13. Am I the only one who read this as making fun of single women and NOT homeless people (with the possible implied joke at the expense of hipsters)?

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    1. Oh, I guess I should have said single people - I assumed the writer was a woman but that's very hetero of me.

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  14. Ugh people everything does NOT need to be taken as a jumping off point for a bully pulpit. Go have some sex (with whomever you like) and then meditate over a green tea/beer/sangria.

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  15. The person who almost hit on a homeless man is clearly male. He writes at 4:28: “DON’T ASK _____ he’s outside whole foods hitting on homeless men.” Mayhaps these homeless advocates need to check their heteronormative bias.

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    1. The blank in that sentence threw me off - I didn't understand the joke.

      Anyway, I thought it was a girl b/c I only have female friends and projected that onto ESB.

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    2. but you corrected yourself so you are more aware than most.

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  16. I am sorry but I wouldnt go on a date with a homeless. But if I was the whole foods friend I wouldn't talk about it either. All about respect.

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  17. If I may:

    Homeless people are people with feelings and brains. So too are the elderly, the married, high schoolers, drug addicts, and prisoners. That doesn't mean I think it's acceptable (for me, personally) to date anyone on the aforementioned list, even though it's very possible to find them attractive from a distance (or close up).

    Chill out; this was funny.

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    1. WHY is it funny? There is no explanation that isn't dehumanizing to people who are homeless.

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    2. Yes hello, Anon, it's funny bc the initial expectation (a date! a future husband! an ego boost!) is squashed by the reality that that person is so obviously not suitable for you that it's embarrassing for you, not for the other person. Same could've happened if it'd been a 15 year old boy, or a masculine-looking female, or a Quaker, or a man in a Big Bird costume, instead of a homeless man.

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    3. STFU ! MY HUSBAND IS BIG BIRD AND I AM REALLY REALLY REALLY OFFENDED BY THIS.

      please follow my blog : www.17beats.blogspot.com

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  18. This is all fantastically entertaining.

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  19. Two friends had this conversation...not that surprising.

    ESB thought that the horror of potentially hitting on a person who is homeless was so hilarious she needed to share it with all her readers--disappointing.

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  20. Yeah I don't really see this as funny..But 5 years ago when I was 20-21 I actually spent a good 5 months Being homeless. I've become really guarded about who I tell IRL because of stereotypes of "ugh that's so gross, did you ever shower?" etc etc.

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  21. I didn't see where it was funny... not being all PC and stuff, it just wasn't funny for someone that doesn't even know the involved.

    (and I bet the homeless guy did look hotter than the guy that almost hit on him)

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  22. I think I must be in a slump for reading this and perhaps friend one and two are in one as well for thinking this is funny, as well as ESB for taking the time to post this nonsense.

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  23. Most of you need to chill out and develop a sense of humor. Get over yourselves... you would have had similar reactions as the person in this scenario. Also, is this really the first time ESB has posted something offensive to you? This doesn't strike me as the most PC blog around and you all shouldn't be so shocked...

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  24. this is lara linney's character's BROTHER, shawn, on The Big C, and he's homeless and he's SMOKING HOT

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  25. wow ESB. This is a new low.

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  26. Yeah, actually I agree that the post is not funny. For me, it is offensive. I most definitely have a sense of humor. It's just not funny.

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  28. Dear ESB,
    I thought it was funny. So thanks. And for those who really thought this was offensive should not read your blog. Are they new around here, or is reading ESB their guilty pleasure? Get real.
    All in all, it was funny. You are wonderful and I assume you're not a horrible person. So, thank you.

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  29. Wasn't Liz Lemon's boyfriend Criss homeless before he moved in with her?

    I could totally see myself dating a Handsome Hobo.

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  30. I work at a transitional living center in Chicago. The women I work with are single mothers ages 17-23. I love the people I work with. I see thier struggles, as well as blessings.

    I read this and just thought...nothing. I wasn't offended, I wasn't anything.

    I just think you're young.

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  31. This bums me out and makes me think of the time my then-fiance and I had a house fire and had to live out of our truck for 2+ months when no family offered a place for us to stay -- I felt pretty desperate, embarrassed, grimy, and at times, invisible.

    So, this is pretty much bullshit, ESB. Not funny.

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  32. All the people who are mad offended: would you date a homeless person? (And I am not asking that question facetiously.) Because if so, you genuinely have every right to take offense at this. If not, you are being self-righteous.

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  33. Thanks for the laughs people.

    ESB, I found it funny, but these comments were even better.

    Thanks for brightening my Friday morning. I feel like getting on my high horse about something now.

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  34. Damn. I just know there's a snarky remark in there about being incredibly insulting and insensitive towards hipsters but I just can't find it. Damn.

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