more of the usual

Dear East Side Bride,

I finally got up the balls and listened to you (and the other commenters) here. [Editor's Note: Pls command+click or ctrl+click or right click or middle click, or, you know, whatever works for you, TO OPEN LINK IN A NEW TAB]

Thanks to everyone. I think I was just insecure about feeling like I was being a bad guy. But I bad-guy-ed up and kicked her to the curb. (as nicely as I could, of course).

But now I have another problem: How the hell does one choose a wedding day of / month of planner??

We live about 4 hours from where we're having our wedding so it isn't feasible to meet ALL of them. 

Do we choose by who has the nicest website? Who is the fastest email responder? Who has the best price?

None of these factors ensure a good planner. 

Does it not REALLY matter how good they are because they're only "day-of" and as long as they're doing SOMETHING it's good enough? 

What are the sort of questions you ask to narrow down the field of planners other than "are you available?" and "what's your price?" ?

Thanks again,
The Lone Planner (now looking for a sidekick)

P.S. Can I just mention that I'm one of those crazy borderline OCD planning people that makes half a million ranked & prioritized To-Do lists complete with labelled diagrams of tablescapes so I MAY just end up going crazy on the day of and insisting I do most of the work anyways?

*****

please please please: hire whoever makes you feel the most calm.

just reading your email sort of makes me start to hyperventilate.

Image via Katie Rodgers via Jen Gotch via Hakanai (Does anyone know the original source?)

And now for something completely different

Hi there,

I'm a fairly new reader to your blog (few months) and I really enjoy it. I follow your pins on Pinterest. You've got great taste and opinions and I'm sure you've read this many times...to my point!

I'm a web developer and also a reader of many blogs, and it's in good practice to open new links in a new tab or window. Many other blogs and websites do this because technically, you don't want to take your audience away from your site. This also gives the reader the option to go check out that link later after they finish reading whatever it is that they are reading or, take a quick sidestep, go to it immediately then close it out if they are done, or leave it open to invest more time later.

I bring this up because I have closed out your blog tab MANY times, because I'm in the habit of links opening up in a new tab - most blogs I read do this. Lucky thing is, it's a very simple option for you to change in your settings. I'm more familiar with Wordpress, but I can research for the Blogger platform where that simple little option is at, if you need help. That is, if you want to. Please don't do it if you have a valid reason, or if you think I'm being a pushy/nosey person who reads your blog. I stopped myself from writing this email a few times cause I felt it was intrusive. I just really love it and want to improve the experience!

Hope you're not annoyed. I'll still read it even if the links take me away from your terrific content!

Best,
A Nosey Web Developer

*****

Dear Nosey Web Developer,

I'm not a fan of blogs/sites that open links in a new tab.

I much prefer to use command+click (that's Ctrl+click for you pc people) to manually open links that I WANT to open in a new tab. Otherwise I end up with five hundred thousand open tabs and I'm completely lost and pissed and I can't remember where I started anyway.

When you open a link in a new window, you're breaking the back button because the new tab will have no history. I love me my back button. (As do unskilled web users who know almost nothing about navigating the internet. Everybody knows how to use the back button.)

Just a little feedback for YOU from someone who spends her entire day on the blogs. And just so happens to be married to a web designer.

xoxo,
ESB

Kristina Salinovic by Tim Barber for Muse Spring 2012 via Fashion Gone Rogue

Dorothy Parker by Fernando Vicente Retratos

Marriage Intervention?!

Dear ESB,

My sister is engaged. While this should be a really happy time for her, it isn’t. All of her closest friends and some of our family have vocally declared that they do not approve of her fiancé. Actually, “do not approve” doesn’t do it justice – they think he’s a world-class asshole and that she has temporarily lost her mind for even considering marrying him.

However, our family has never witnessed anything from him that set off any red flags for me – he seems to love her enough to put up with mountains of bullshit, and she seems happier and more relaxed than I have ever seen her. Yet, her friends have labeled him “rude,” “abrasive” and “controlling,” but they can’t give any solid examples of things he’s done. It has gotten so bad that her life-long best friends have held an intervention to try to convince her not to marry this guy.

I am really confused, because he seems like a nice guy to me. He can be annoyingly obnoxious, but I haven’t sensed any real meanness. But the fact that her friends hate him so much has made the family start to second guess him too – we don’t know him well and hardly ever get to see the two of them together (they live abroad, so actually NONE of the people involved in this whole thing really know him at all, including her friends). But, then again, these girls have been her very best friends for almost 30 years!  If they are all raising hell about how terrible this guy is, it has to be for good reason, right?

So what are we (the family) to do? My gut reaction is that she is a grown woman, and she is going to marry who she wants. I think it is CRAZY for family or friends to try to interject themselves into this or to try to change her mind. And I honestly trust her judgment more than I trust her friends’ perception of her relationship. She has never been one to put up with crap before, so I just can’t imagine that she’d still be marrying this guy if he was as bad as her friends say he is.

Am I right?  Should we just support her in whatever choice she makes, or does the fact that her very best friends vehemently hate this man and think he is bad for her mean that there has to be a problem?

*****

Call up one of your sister's friends and ask her point-blank: "Is there something you know that I don't know?"

Unless this guy is abusing her, it's your job to be all YAY! and WEDDING! and IF YOU'RE HAPPY I'M HAPPY!

She's gonna marry who she wants to marry. If you express unwarranted disapproval now there's no way she'll confide in you if anything does go wrong.

Photo by Steven Klein for Interview

I HAVE YOUR GAY WEDDING ENSEMBLE

White Sandwashed Tuxedo Shirt + Ivory Band Shorts from Emerson Fry

Five MOTB dresses that don't suck

I pored over all your suggestions, and I decided to include nothing with a price tag over $800 (I MEAN). Also, nothing in champagne or blush.

Here are my faves...

(Badgley Mischka Portrait-Collar Peplum Dress, $440)

(Podolls Collins Dress, $440)

(DFW Maja Two Dress, $445)

At a comfier price point:

(Our old favorite J. Peterman French Film Star Travel Dress, $198)

And then there's this one:

(Badgley Mischka Asymmetric Drape Gown, $650)

Whose mom would not look good in this?

FLOWERS ARE MANLY, DAMMIT

Darling dearest ESB.

My man (a once-flower farmer, which is kinda hot, right?) wants a floral wedding band. This comes with two primary problems: 1. He is embarrassed to tell a salesperson that he wants a "girly" ring, and 2. His options are, well, girly. We've tried to think of synonyms for floral (think "filigree" and "viney"), but to no avail.

Interweb searches have generated some promising results, but the dude is picky (obvs--he chose me) and wants to (understandably) hold the ring in his hands/try it on before he buys. He's not really into the whole roughly hewn organic thing, and wants a more traditional-looking ring...with flowers. Oh, and we're ideally looking for something < $300...of course.

Does anything cheap/classy/manly/floral come to mind? Or can you at least think of better buzz words for a salesperson?

Thanks!
Flower Power

*****

He's shy AND picky AND cheap AND he refuses to use the internetz???

THAT'S WHAT THE INTERNETZ ARE FOR.




p.s. I found that shit on etsy. You're welcome.

do we love this dress?

I can't decide.

Bibhu Mohapatra Molden Omen Gown, $4500 down to $900 on MYHABIT, which you will have to sign up for. (My apologies.)

Thx M!

Should I drag my boyfriend to this wedding?

Dear ESB,

This is less a help-me-find-a-dress scenario and more of an couples etiquette question...and not even one from a bride, at that. 

I'm going to be a bridesmaid for a high school friend - love her dearly, very stoked to be involved, all the standard stuff. We both left town after high school, and she now lives several hours away. We were close in school and are still friends, but we tend to see each other only a few times a year, and they're generally whirlwind one-on-one girlfriend catch-up sessions. Her wedding is going to be held in our hometown, and it's possible I'll only a know a few people there; since they live far away, I don't really know her current friends or fiance that well, but she's a cool lady so I want to stand up for her.

I want my boyfriend of a year to be my plus-one, because he's awesome, but he's making faces. I can't guarantee that I'm going to know anyone else there, so the likelihood that he'll know anyone is going to be mighty slim. We're not going to be sitting together at the dinner or the ceremony. But my heart wants him there! I want to dance with him, and do shots with him, and generally include him in what should be a great party. 

This is my first time being a b-maid, so I'm not sure how hectic my day is going to be and how often our paths will cross. What's the SOP/your advice? Do I go stag that night and just hope I know other people to chill with? Or can I try to get him to come out, even though it's not going to be 100% funsies for him?
Thanks,
Is B-Maid A "Thing"?

*****

Here's what our boy Rob had to say:

IB-MAT,

This shouldn't be a question. He goes, it's his job as a boyfriend, does his best to have fun, meets people, and LEARNS ABOUT YOUR HOMETOWN. If he isn't remotely curious about where you came from, ask yourself if he is boyfriend material.

Best regards,
Rob S. Parham

-One Percent for Space-

I have two things to add:

1. Why the fuck don't you get to sit together at dinner??

2. Believe it or not, BM is a thing. But I would never subject you to that.

Photo: Kinga Rajzak & Daga Ziober by Boo George for T Style Spring 2012 via Fashion Copius

just fyiz

chalkboard skull via Naurnie via lauren

yowsa

I think anon just won the dress-the-MOTB contest.

Who knew J. Peterman still existed??

15 Weddings??!!

Hi ESB,

I've got somewhat of an issue that I would really appreciate your no-nonsense approach to: my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 1/2 years now and we both realize we're perfect for one another (despite neither of us believing in "soul mates"). We've been talking about getting engaged for a while now but monetary restrictions were an interference until about last month (hooray raises!).

However, 2012 seems to be the year that ALL of our close friends decided to get married. You see, we've been invited to 15 weddings this year, so far, and it's only March. We've agreed we will be going to 9 of those, with 6 weddings being of very best friends which we're actually part of the wedding party. 2 of the others are in town (minimal cost) and 1 is out of town for a very close friend who my boyfriend would be a groomsman for if the groom didn't already have 6 brothers...

While the idea of 5 in-state weddings, 4 out of state weddings and 5 out of state bachelor/bachelorette parties would make anyone cringe, that's not the problem I have. The real issue is our own engagement and wedding. And we're planning a wedding in the spring/early summer of next year!

I love my boyfriend and can't wait to marry him; we have so much fun together! I feel like it is a very honest, mature relationship which is a blessing in itself. However, after all these other weddings, I'm left feeling exhausted. Feel free to tell me I'm being petty, however it's hard to look forward to my own wedding when I feel so overwhelmed by all the others.

I truly am excited for our friends to be able to go through this special time in their lives, but the thought of our own engagement and wedding feels somewhat trumped by all the many other ones going on right now. Although I'm sure the financial obligations associated with this year aren't helping, we're more than capable to afford these events or we wouldn't have said yes in the first place.

I just need some guidance on how to look forward to our own special time despite feeling burned out by everyone else's.

I appreciate any thoughts/suggestions/wake-the-F-up insight you could give.

-Just Wait Until They Get Pregnant

ps. we're going ring shopping together this weekend

*****

Maybe you and your boyfriend should establish some sort of rating system for food, decor, guest attire, bride's shoes, fit of the groom's suit, etc. (Sort of like that bad show but better.)

Then you can entertain yourselves by filling out score cards at each wedding.

Siri Tollerod by Suzie Q + Leo Siboni for Exhibition #2 via Fashion Gone Rogue

pleez help shop for the mothers-of-the-bride

You guys, I sat down to do a MOTB dress roundup yesterday and I was L-O-S-T.

I need one for a sweet 61-year-old mom who has lost a lot of weight recently and "looks awesome and deserves to feel awesome too." The event: "an epic destination wedding in Utah for this fall."

And then there's another request for a dress for a petite, fashionable mom "who looks far younger than her 56 years." The event: "a laid-back but elegant wedding at a LA park this summer."

HALP?!

If you would be kind enough to offer your suggestions in the comments below, I'll do a round-up for later this week.

Extra points for dresses that

a) have sleeves
b) cover the knees

Kirsty Hume and her daughter Violet by Tierney Gearon for Oyster #9 via refinery29 via Kristian Laliberte

made to measure vs. made to order (IS MY BRIDAL SALON RIPPING ME OFF??)

Dear ESB,

I would love to hear your opinion on my made-to-measure dress saga.

A few months ago I fell in love with a dress that cost over $4000. A lot of money, I know, but the lady in the boutique told me the dress would be made to measure, apart from length, which would be altered later, to suit my shoes.

In my naiveté, I paid a hefty deposit, thinking at least my pear shaped figure would be well fitted. But then I got the loveliest shoes and decided to ask for the dress to be cut to length too, since I'm petite. The boutique lady was strangely opposed to this, so I did some research and found that the dress will, in fact, be a standard size all over. In other words the sales person lied to me.

Should I:

1) suck it up, get the dress and say no more.
2) demand my deposit back.
3) contact the dressmaker to see if they can help me (for even more $)

It is only 4 months until my wedding, so my options may be limited and I don't know if I have any rights re the deposit.

Kind regards,
Duped Bride

*****

Are they planning to do fittings with you when the dress is delivered?

*****

I will be measured for the dress in May, it will arrive in the boutique in July and then will be altered, at further expense to me. I was told it would be cut to my bust, waist and hip measurements, but it will just be a standard size. Ho hum. Perhaps I'm making too much of this? I look forward to hearing your views.

*****

Mkay. This one's way over my head. (I've never even been inside a bridal salon, if you can believe.) So I emailed Lanie, the proprietress of the Lovely Bridal Shop, to get her expert opinion.

Here's what she had to say:

Dear Duped Bride,

It seems like this dress was "the one" so I think there will be a workable solution for you. As a salon owner, I learned quickly and the hard way, the customer is always right. The wrath of an angry bride is not a pretty sight, so I imagine this shop is going to want to work it out for you.

This is by far one of the biggest sources of confusion and frustration for brides, so at least know you have company. Especially because the jargon is so foreign…made to measure, made to order, cut to size, what??? At Lovely, we try to be extremely clear (like, repeating our selves an insane number of times) to let a bride know her gown will be ordered in a standard size and 99 percent of the time, will still need alterations that do cost extra. Even then, we often have brides come back for their first try on and are shocked to see the gown is too large.

So future brides listen up: most dresses at bridal salons are MADE TO ORDER. That means it is ordered especially for you, but it is NOT custom to your measurements. It is ordered off of a vendor's standard size chart. And to do that, we must use the LARGEST measurement (I know, cruel) from either the bust, waist, or hip to determine your numeric size. This means the rest of gown will be too big and need to be altered to fit you perfectly.

Having that said, if this salon did say MADE TO MEASURE (meaning just that…the dress is cut to your exact measurements) then you should definitely be vocal about that to the shop manager. Call the salon and let them know you were told your gown would be made to measure, and that you don't feel you should have to pay the cost for alterations on the bust, waist and hips. Hopefully they will agree to at least offset the cost for you.

Since you will not be measured until May, I would ask the shop gal who measures you to see the vendor's size chart. That way, you can help make the decision on what size to order. Sometimes a bride is just an inch bigger in the hips, but if she wants a body hugging gown, it might be ok to go down a size. Either way, the point is, be a partner in the decision so when your dress arrives, you know how it should fit and where it will need work. But be forewarned…some designers have what is called "bridal sizing" (which is pretty much whack sizing from like 1872) so a size 6 in street clothes is a bridal size 10. Try not to focus on the number you are ordering, just focus on a size that works best with your measurements.

Would love to hear how it all works out for you. If you end up dress-less, you can always come into Lovely! We stock several designers so you can buy a dress right off the rack, and others can deliver in a few months. [Editor's Note: Lovely just opened a shop in LA, to better serve both east and west side brides.]

Either way, just focus on the end product, you looking amazing at your wedding, so that this little hiccup doesn't spoil the fun of your wedding planning.

xo
Lanie

Kenji Kawasumi by Alessandro Viero via Claire Cottrell via Ensuite via Vogue

pls help me find a wedding band and stuff

I have a wonderful loving fiance who loves me enough to go shopping on his own and pick out a ring that he knew I would love... did I mention on his own?  However, had I been involved in the choosing process I would have gone a little more Conroy and Wilcox.

I have attached a photo of the ring. (Pardon the artist hands)

That said, I have been scouring the interwebz  looking for an awesome band to make my set more me. I have found some interesting gold bands as well as some other interesting rings including this Mociun ring which I have been leaning towards... but it is a little pricier than I would like.

The question I have for you is do you know of any awesome bands or designers I could wear with this super classic yellow gold solitaire to make the set more unique?

ALSO, My mother and sister and I are coming in to the city to go dress shopping on the 10th of March, I have plenty of appointments including Lovely, but do you have any good suggestions for boutiques that I may have missed?

*****

Let me let you in on a little secret from the other side: after you're married, you don't have to wear your engagement ring every day.

I get so many emails from you guys stressing out about finding a band to match the engagement ring you didn't even always get to pick out yourself. DON'T SWEAT IT SO HARD.



Anyhoo.

Here are a few less-pricey-than-the-Mociun rings I'm feeling for you.

(Conroy & Wilcox at Metier)

(Bario-Neal)

(Satomi Kawakita)

As for wedding boutiques, would you please please please PRETTY PLEASE go check out Stone Fox Bride?

We need a report from the front.

Photo: Stone Fox Bride + Fox Fodder Farm by Josie Miner, styling by Jaclyn Hodes

for the lovers of mason jars

(And the drinkers of disgusting green smoothies.)

Have I got a product for you.

CUPPOW. Pronounced... Cup-POW? 

Turns a canning jar into a travel mug. BPA free, obv.

via much and little via my friend L.

oxfords oxfords oxfords oxfords

Q: How cute are these oxfords cevd just bought at the Cole Haan store in Soho?

A: SUPER CUTE

It Chooses You

A book review from one of my favorite readers:*

Hello fellow Miranda July lover/person I've never met,

I just read her book It Chooses You, a book she wrote about finishing the script for The Future. It was incredibly sad, inspiring, and comforting. I highly recommend it. 

I found it to be a great meditation on process and discipline and distraction and muse-chasing.

I bought it at Skylight at 2pm and just finished it now. And I went to the spa and the grocery store with my husband somewhere in the middle, so it's not much of a commitment. 

Also, I cried.

*Who am I kidding? You are all my favorite readers.

Accessorize Me

SO! Thanks in no small part to Celia's recent post, I'm the proud owner of the [above]. 

It's from the late 40's, smells lovely, and despite how it might look at first glance, is definitely not a nightgown. It could use a belt though (it has loops on the sides) and given that all my best finds lately have been from ESB, I'd love some help on accessories from your readers. 

I've been trying to figure out how to work in some worry beads but I don't think it's happening. It'll be a camp wedding in late summer in Maine.

*****

Ralph Lauren is the king of the belted dress, amirite?

(See: Saks Fifth Avenue, Bergdorf Goodman)

I say strap on this vintage RL. What other accessories could you possibly need?

Taxidermy Arctic Fox Kissing Coyote Bra Top

Just to get you over the hump.

Shop Papusza Couture

Makeup advice pleez

Hi ESB,

I am getting married in Oct. of this year and I pretty well have everything taken care of venue, dress etc., my only problem seems to be make-up. 

I grew up as a tomboy I am still a tomboy, luckily for me my FH does not mind; however, it is my wedding day and I would like to rock it, go all out, so he can say 'damn, she is all mine'. I do wear make-up occasionally but it only consists of mascara and lip gloss (not very glam), I have tried eyeliner but no matter what kind I use it rubs off or runs away or disappears, I'm not quite sure what it does, but I will put it on and within an hour that shit is gone, totally irritating.

So my question is do any of your readers have any suggestions as which brands to buy and best techniques to apply for eyeliner, mascara, blush, eyeshadow… everything? I guess I should say there will be no bridal salon or make-up pro for me, it will be me doing it myself or my sister.

Thanks for any and all advice you guys throw my way.

*****

I did just buy this $12 jumbo liner from Sephora, which I'm quite pleased with. It's supposed to be smudgy, so it's pretty much impossible to mess up.

But who's got more helpful hints about WEDDING MAKEUP?

Photo by Marcel van der Vlugt via Vejde Gustafsson

QUICK: WHICH WEDGES SHOULD I BUY?

I've been looking for a slightly dressier alternative to my granny sandals, which I LOVE, and have been wearing the hell out of.

Are these Kork Ease jammers too similar?

I like that they are sorta similar. It means I'm developing a uniform, which makes it so much easier to get dressed when I have to leave the house.

And then I also like these Elizabeth and James platforms. More dressy, less comf.

More $$$

How much are wedding photos rly worth?? (Sponsored by Sunshine Charlie)

I'm pretty excited about this one. Think I'll let Nicole do the talking...

Hello, I am Nicole Firestone, a Seattle-based wedding photographer. I am insatiably curious about life and people. I also believe in magic. Not in the fairy tale way, but in the way that human emotion can be communicated through photographs stopping you dead in your tracks or instantaneously bringing you to tears. It is truly magical when all goes right!

I am not your average camera lady who likes to pop in and out of your life for the events. I am interested in being a creator and producer of ideas and connecting with you on a higher level. It is this connection and intimacy in people that makes magical photographs, not cameras.

I decided that in order to better understand what goes into making photographic magic, and therefore what “value” people place on it, I would launch this project called Gimme This For.

Here's how it works:

1. You book your wedding with a $1000 deposit.
2. I deliver your photos and return your deposit in full.
3. You pay what you think your photographs are worth.

I want to stress that I am not doing this experiment because I believe the cost of wedding photography is unjustified. I honestly believe it is worth every penny!!  My goal is to stimulate conversation. I want to challenge people to think about not only what their photos mean to them, but also what the experience of creative collaboration means to them, especially on one of the most important days of their lives.

Weddings are an amazing time of support, love, and celebration. A wedding is an event composed of and by awesome people. And this is the day most “ordinary” people get to feel creative, make decisions, and plan something extra special for themselves. My idea is that if people have to decide what to pay me for their wedding photos, they will become more invested in the creative process. And the photos will be (intrinsically) worth that much more.

I've already been told that I'm crazy and that I'm going to attract the wrong crowd. I am aware of this possibility, but I trust my intuition to guide me in how and who I choose to participate in this study. Not having a price tag on my work does not devalue it.

The Gimme This For project is intended to be a feel-good experiment, not an insult to the community. So let’s get on with spreading the love.

I believe in challenge and contribution. I believe risks are worth taking. I believe in taking a chance to find truth. I believe in pressing on even in the face of opposition. I believe in listening and taking notes. I believe in goodness and life lessons. I believe in thought-provoking conversation and constructive criticism. I believe in making many friends along the way. And, most importantly, I believe people are inherently good.

Photos by Sunshine Charlie

How do I accessorize a SILVER SATIN dress?

Hey ESB. 

I'm a bridesmaid in friend's wedding this summer- we're wearing formal silver satin gowns. 

Short of burning the thing & going MIA until the wedding is over, what the hell do I DO for accessories?!

*****

Take a tip from The Lana Sisters.

Little silver earrings + silver pumps are the only way to go.

I FOUND A DRESS FOR YOU

From Alex London on etsssssssssssssssssssy.

Someone should probably also rock this Featherd Posture Collar (sic).

BOOB CREAM (the overdue review)

Dear Blossom Organics,

Since I never got around to reviewing your Revitalizing Breast Exam Cream on the podcast, here's a little review for you now:

As promised, the stuff smells just like yellow cake batter. It's very thick and sort of pasty-looking, so I was reluctant to "apply a generous amount" as instructed, but then it absorbed super smoothly. Felt kinda tingly, in a good way.

I felt sexy rubbing it in until I remembered I was supposed to be doing a breast exam. And then I sort of actually gave myself a breast exam. It was quick, but hey. Better than nothing.

Way to go, Blossom Organics!

This morning my boobs are extra soft. And yes, they smell like cake batter.

Photo by Katie Quinn Davies via Jen Gotch
______________________________

p.s. We've still got a little promo going on in the Blossom Organics Facebook Store. Enter "DEARESB" at checkout to get 20% off. (Expires March 30, 2012.)

What's with all the MISSING WEDDING GIFTS

Hi ESB,

So piggy backing on the thank you card podcast question: I have a friend that didn't give us a gift, and that is not like her at all. We've had various conversations prior to my engagement and wedding about how she is always worried about making sure she "covers her plate" (apparently a Long Island wedding rule). But we didn't get a gift from her and her husband and I'm afraid it might have been lost. I don't want them to be offended that they didn't get a thank you card, but thanking them for coming when they likely did give us a gift seems odd.

I think you answered this question a while back and your advice was to try to get a mutual friend to help delicately ask the friend.* I tried that and the friend was like "Oh yeah, they would have definitely gotten you a gift. You should ask them about it, even though it's awkward." 

Any advice on how to handle this situation? I haven't seen them since the wedding (October) so we don't see each other all that often.

Thanks!

*****

ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK THE PODCAST. Here's me officially putting the podcast on hold. (Ever feel like you've bit off five more projects than you can chew? Four of which involve begging/nagging your husband to do a shitload of work for you?)

Anyhoo.

I think your best approach is to LET. IT. LIE.

Asking your friend "Did you get us a gift?" sucks. If she did get you a gift and she's roiling with anger that you haven't sent her a thank-you note, that'll bust out sometime, won't it??

xoxoxxx.

Once upon a time by Luis Cornejo
______________________________

*This was Rachel's advice, of course. Rachel of the thank you ninja skills.

Help me pick a DJ! QUICK!!

Hi ESB,

I need to decide on a dj fast (this week). I had no idea they booked up so far in advance. I don't go hear djs at bars very often period, and I certainly have no experience hiring wedding djs. Having been together for several years, we feel already married, and in many ways we see our wedding almost as an excuse for a big outdoor dance party. So the dj is important.

My options:

1) A friend/acquaintance who I have heard is a great wedding dj. I have heard him dj before, though it was years ago, and he has great taste in music, obvious audiophile, sweet smart guy, etc, but he's like a stoner drug dealer dude who is questionably reliable. What if he doesn't show up? What if he gets mono the week before the wedding? He is the cheapest option.

2) A wedding dj from a pretty cool event dj company. They seem to "get" our non-mainstream musical taste, and won't do cheesy shit, but who knows? Basically they assign a dj a few weeks before the wedding and we talk to that dj to decide on music and he or she plays what we want, plus a little creative input. My fiance likes this idea because we would actually have more control of exactly what music the dj played -- less dj ego involved. I like it because we have a contract, which means someone will dj our wedding no matter what. But, we don't choose our dj, so it feels a little like a crap shoot. A lame dj would be the lamest thing we could do to our wedding.

3) Our friends out of state throw an awesome dance party that people line up around the block to get into. They could bring one of their djs to the wedding. That dj would be awesome, but very expensive, and I imagine we would have very little input as to what he/she would play. However, this dj would get the party started for sure. Again though: drugs, party monsters, bohemian, will he catch the plane and show up in one piece? Who knows.

I know this is ultimately a personal choice, but maybe as someone who has actually hired a dj before you could offer some advice? Or one of your readers?

Thanks!
DJ Challenged

*****

To recap, your options are:

1) questionably reliable

2) pretty cool

3) awesome

Am I missing something?? I mean, you did just describe your wedding as "an excuse for a big outdoor dance party."

Book the out-of-state badasses and CALM DOWN, LADYPANTS.

Sure, some DJs do a lot of drugs, but just as many of them are huge coffee drinkers.

Christian Brylle by Henrik Bülow for Dansk via The Fashionisto

anyone shopping for a wedding/thank you/super special gift?

Nikole just updated her shop.

You'd better jump on it fast. (As in: FAST.)

Skull De Jouy

Kinda digging this punk rock/baroque stuff from AllSaints.

IF ONLY THEY WOULD PUT THEIR DRESSES ON MODELS, as a wise lady said yesterday.

City Hall, NYC, Gay

(picture this outfit with sneakers)

(lose the t-shirt, add a pair of smokin heels)

Dear ESB,

Please help... my girlfriend and I are pseudo-eloping in about 6 weeks at NYC city hall after we decided to ditch 150+ guests wedding we thought we wanted. We are inviting our parents, siblings and our closest friend. I thought our wedding planning was over. 

Not so much -- Now we need to find a restaurant in lower Manhattan or Brooklyn to host 18 people for a late lunch with a party that includes a 2 yr old with food allergies, plus 2 school age kids, brother-in-laws that won't eat any "vegetable" beside corn, and a bride that hates stuffy/fancy/can't wear sneakers establishments.  

I have spent countless hours yelp-ing and surveying blogs but have come up with little. I am ashamed that after living in NYC for over 10 years I can't figure out where to take my family.

And we have not figured out exactly what to wear. My fiance's style is very androgynous while I am femme but hardly ever wear a dress. We are very anti-gender roles so any suggestions would be very much appreciated!!!

-Need to stop over thinking city hall

*****

1. Choose a restaurant that you both love. Put some cheerios in a tupperware container for the 2-year-old. Let everyone else suffer. SERIOUSLY. (ESPECIALLY YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW.)

2. OMIGOD LESBIANS. You know you're just gonna wear what you always wear anyway, so why do you put me through the misery??

Zara Buttoned Blazer + Asymmetrical Studio Blazer cribbed from the comments over here.