Thursday, February 2, 2012

wtf should i wear to my gay wedding


Dear ESB,

I'm getting married next summer and I have no idea wtf to wear. Not a wedding dress. I'm queer and sorta butch, so dresses make me feel like I'm in drag. Problem is that full-on men's formal wear ALSO feels a little like drag (or like I'm wearing business clothes instead of party clothes?), plus it's going to be HOT where we're getting married and I'd rather not wear a jacket.

If you ask the internet for less-gendered-gay-wedding clothes everyone says "flowy white linen pants," which, barf. My everyday uniform is jeans, pearl snap shirt, bomber jacket, boots. I thought about finding some narrow pants I can wear with boots but then what do I wear on top? I'm not opposed to having something custom-made, but I'd have to figure out what.

(Additional wrinkle is that I'm short, size 8, and a total hourglass, so the loose vest and shirt thing like Patty did looks like I'm wearing a tent and a high-button vest just makes me look portly all the way down. Because I'm not thaaat butch, I'd rather show the curves than hide them, especially considering that hiding them is a losing proposition.)

In summary: is there anything I can wear that's medium-butch, hot-weather-friendly, looks good on short curvy ladies, and keeps things snazzy? Plz help. There is a serious lack of intermediate-gender fashion inspiration for the queer ladies.

*****

How bout this Arden Jumpsuit by Kara Janx?? I'd fucking marry you in this.


Kara annoys the crap out of me on Project Runway All Stars, but her bridal line doesn't suck. It's also quite reasonably priced.

Marcel Castenmiller by Jonas Kesseler for FHM Collections Germany via Fashion Gone Rogue

46 comments:

  1. see, when ppl give you shit for not wanting to answer some lazy's person's call for shopping help, they say "isn't that what you do?" no, but, THIS is a worthy type question.

    just sayin.

    i have no help, but i will come back if i think of something. i do like the above.

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  2. YES. Love the jumpsuit. HOT. I'd marry you in that, too :)

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  3. I think the woman on the right in this photo is rocking a sexy not too feminine, not t0o masculine outfit.

    If your wedding is more casual, this looks in line with what you described as your everyday style.

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  4. I don't know what your budget it, but I think this Alexander McQueen tunic top with a pair of black pants/leggings would be great.

    or this 100% silk top is more affordable and would look great with some white cigarette pants.

    Florals for medium-butch?

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  5. Yeah, I would suggest something similar to this, only I was thinking two pieces. Get some good pants that fit well and wear a slightly girly top. One that flatters your figure. I just saw a bride the other day on the blogs wearing a cute top. It would look cute with a thin belt or tie at the waist, too.

    Here are a few tops:
    silver sequined allsaints tank
    this is cute on, I tried it for a white party
    tie DVF tank
    sass & bide slightly more mensweary top
    love the neckline on this
    twist front tank
    another white tank

    Oh, also, here at ESB we do not support BHLD but it's not a bad place to look for ideas on bridal separates. I think the Counterpart top is really cute (and $220, but still).

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    Replies
    1. Oh, I love that top the bride on 100 Layer Cake is wearing. I like the idea of separates (and narrow pants) too.

      You may be a different kind of short and cury but as a short, curvy girl myself I find jumpsuits really unflattering. It bums me out because I want one but I feel like they are instantly frumpifying.

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  6. YES! Good lord that is sexy. And would look just as good with some cool boots as it does with heels.

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  7. Again... not sure about your budget but...Moschino Tuxedo Jumpsuit !

    Also, these pants with this this jacket

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    Replies
    1. That Moschino jumpsuit is SO AMAZING.

      It could probably be approximated for less $$ with the right pants and shirt. I wonder if a shirt with pearl snaps would work to the same effect? The waistband in that suit is really great for curves too.

      If you wear a blouse that's made of a light, sheer fabric, with a form fitting undershirt-type thing (with boob support) underneath, the fabric would probably be flattering and not look like a tent. But the flowey-ness of sheer fabric might look a bit feminine.

      But dang... that jumpsuit!

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  8. I am curious what the writer thinks, but the Kara Janx jumpsuit strikes me as too feminine for a soft butch/medium butch gal. I think The DVF tank in chalk that Hillary posted is awesome.

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  9. I would go with emersonmade black suiting... she has a tux for ladies that is muy sexy and definitely does not look too menswear ... and it's all linen instead of wool for your hot weather shindig.

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    Replies
    1. Yes! I snapped up the tuxedo when Emerson had a 30% off Cyber Monday sale. I wear it for fun though--like going out for fancy drinks or whatever.

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  10. Wow, that's a VERY sleek, sexy little jumpsuit. But I agree with @anon 8:13 that it might be too feminine. I think you should stay true to your personal style. Find a badass button-down and some great pants.

    This strikes me as a modern take on the tuxedo- pants, top. Good luck!

    @Hillary - I also loved that wedding! Great finds.

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  11. Replies
    1. OMG i regret clicking on all these links. (sorry!! but... REALLY??)

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    2. @paiiige, I 100% agree, yikes! These links are like every bad stereotype I've ever heard about a lesbian wedding! Also, there is no excuse for wearing a corset out in public. That is lingerie, and lingerie belongs UNDERNEATH ONLY PEOPLE.

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  12. I second Emerson made! Their suiting feels so special and they are certainly things you will wear a lot after the wedding. The perfect tux jacket is a great investment.

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  13. I clicked on "comment" to say I love ESB's choice, but there's a freaking gold mine in this thread.

    Good luck choosing!

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  14. Emerson made tux all the way (although I don't know if I could get my soft-butch wife to wear it).

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  15. Like @Hillary, I was also thinking two pieces, but something really similar to the jumpsuit at ESB picked!

    I like the idea of white jeans/pants, and an awesome wrap top in white or not white if you're going to have colour elsewhere in the wedding. I bet that white jeans will be everywhere for spring.

    Top like this: http://www.posh24.com/photo/796353/zoe_saldana_white_wrap_top_bla so that you can play up your curves!

    And maybe sandals? Won't boots be hot?

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  16. Ugh, had the same issue shopping for my wedding. And all the salespeople pushing me to dress "like Ellen" in something "flowy," "gauzy," or "silky" made me realize I am way butch, cause that all feels like drag to me too!

    I ended up having tuxedo pants and a white dinner jacket made to fit my curves so that I could look as not manly as a lady in a bowtie can (I'm not bothering with pictures cause I know that's not what you're looking for).

    But one thing I did that might work for you was bring a regular men's tuxedo shirt to my tailor so that she could rework it into something that fit my curves. With an open collar and skinny tux pants, it looks nice but not too formal and you don't need a vest or jacket.

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  17. i LOVE that! go for it! aaahhh!

    i kinda want it now.

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  18. what about a high waisted pencil skirt? i'm an 8 as well and wear these a lot. a black one with a white button down shirt tucked in and white tuxedo style blazer could be amazing without feeling to similar to your every day work wear? then you could wear a black patent brogue as footwear.

    and yes, i'm aware that this is the most literal translation of medium butch ever: butch on the top, prissy on the bottom?

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  19. I happen to be straight, but I believe I just found my reception outfit... perfect for busting a move...

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  20. a. thanks for calling out patty. x
    b. i vote for just going for your everyday look, but up a notch...i mean you didn't say how fancy your wedding was gonna be...what about some nice pants or even jeans with your boots & get a rad pearl snap shirt made...

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  21. ps, esb...it's a wedding. not a gay wedding. i got married, not gay married...just like i eat lunch, not gay lunch. ;)

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    Replies
    1. aw dude...well at least now YOU know...

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    2. i totally own it as a gay wedding. but i also eat a gay lunch.

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    3. ha, just saw all they gay lunch comments below.

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  22. I have a different suggestion. What about men's clothes that gender-bend.

    I speak of the kilt. Nice breeze on a hot day, and you can get one in a non-wool fabric.

    Totally fun. Not an Ellen-style pants suit. Traditional, but punk-able.

    I like these: https://www.facebook.com/#!/UtilikiltsCompany

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  23. Hey this is me! Thanks for posting it and thanks to all for the suggestions.

    1. Jumpsuit is outstanding but a little too femme.

    2. Emerson tux is wow. Strong possibility. Although I'm also liking the idea of having a rad shirt and forgoing the jacket entirely (thanks emily and christina...) since it'll be pretty informal.

    3. I know I know about the wedding/gay wedding thing, but sometimes it's awesome to eat gay lunch.

    (thanks again you all are awesome)

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    Replies
    1. The Emersonmade tux = Janelle Monae = DO IT

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    2. did you see today's post? the groomsmen shirts are RAD and they do CUSTOM!?!

      i love gay lunch too!

      good luck!
      x

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    3. whoops, here's the link:
      http://www.rockmount.com/custom_rockmount.htm

      Delete
  24. Emersonmade is coming out with a white linen suit soon that is Beee-youtiful.

    white linen suit

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    Replies
    1. But maybe not the shorts. just the jacket with some skinny pants and tight, decolletage-baring shirt underneath.

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  25. I hate jumpsuits (or at least I thought I did), but that one is amazing. I think I've found more clothes that I'd love to wear in this post than in any other on ESB. And when it comes to my clothes, I'm about as femme as it gets (as in, I wear pants maybe twice a week). Gold mine indeed.

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  26. This may have already been said.. But Philip Lim on Gilt has an awesome collection with separates.

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  27. I found this page with lots and lots of outfits roughly inspired by Annie Hall, so like... not too masculine menswear for women or androgynous-wear. It might be helpful! There's some fantastic suits in there too.

    http://dressedcinema.blogspot.com/2011/03/influenced-annie-hall-menswear-for.html

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  28. a little late but i saw this and thought of this post- not so much with boots but i love the chevron beading

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  29. My friend has a similar style/identity as what you describe. She calls herself
    Fancy Butch.

    Plzsend follow up pics!

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  30. Mmm, this is probably too femme, but maybe paired with pants (as more of a tunic than a dress)?

    http://www.lagarconne.com/store/item.htm?itemid=14562&sid=24&pid=

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