Friday, March 16, 2012
My sister is engaged. While this should be a really happy time for her, it isn’t. All of her closest friends and some of our family have vocally declared that they do not approve of her fiancé. Actually, “do not approve” doesn’t do it justice – they think he’s a world-class asshole and that she has temporarily lost her mind for even considering marrying him.
However, our family has never witnessed anything from him that set off any red flags for me – he seems to love her enough to put up with mountains of bullshit, and she seems happier and more relaxed than I have ever seen her. Yet, her friends have labeled him “rude,” “abrasive” and “controlling,” but they can’t give any solid examples of things he’s done. It has gotten so bad that her life-long best friends have held an intervention to try to convince her not to marry this guy.
I am really confused, because he seems like a nice guy to me. He can be annoyingly obnoxious, but I haven’t sensed any real meanness. But the fact that her friends hate him so much has made the family start to second guess him too – we don’t know him well and hardly ever get to see the two of them together (they live abroad, so actually NONE of the people involved in this whole thing really know him at all, including her friends). But, then again, these girls have been her very best friends for almost 30 years! If they are all raising hell about how terrible this guy is, it has to be for good reason, right?
So what are we (the family) to do? My gut reaction is that she is a grown woman, and she is going to marry who she wants. I think it is CRAZY for family or friends to try to interject themselves into this or to try to change her mind. And I honestly trust her judgment more than I trust her friends’ perception of her relationship. She has never been one to put up with crap before, so I just can’t imagine that she’d still be marrying this guy if he was as bad as her friends say he is.
Am I right? Should we just support her in whatever choice she makes, or does the fact that her very best friends vehemently hate this man and think he is bad for her mean that there has to be a problem?
Call up one of your sister's friends and ask her point-blank: "Is there something you know that I don't know?"
Unless this guy is abusing her, it's your job to be all YAY! and WEDDING! and IF YOU'RE HAPPY I'M HAPPY!
She's gonna marry who she wants to marry. If you express unwarranted disapproval now there's no way she'll confide in you if anything does go wrong.
Photo by Steven Klein for Interview