Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Wedding Dress Ambivalence (Episode #572)

Dear ESB,

I love your brutal honesty and now I need some honest advice. I am unsure about whether or not to wear this dress at my wedding.

I think it would be different and kind of cool, but I am also afraid it is too simple for a wedding and that I won't feel "special" enough. Maybe with the right accessories it would be great.

What do you think?

Could I wear some kind of veil/headpiece with this dress?

- Insecure bride




  1. ESB is right. That dress is too short, tight and revealing for a wedding dress. And the lace panel is slightly trashy.

    You can have short, tight OR revealing. Not all three.

    See the post about the pale skinned bride below for some great alternative wedding dress suggestions.

  2. ESB's responses get better and better.

  3. i think that dress is KINDA rock and roll, but the material is cheap, so i'm not super into it. but who cares what i think.

    i love this blog, but what i don't understand is the number of women that write in asking for permission to wear something. all of the "is this dress weird ?" letters make me want to puke. grow a pair (of boobs, not balls), buy your 'white trash'/funky/leopard print/mullet-style wedding dress, and OWN IT as you throw down at YOUR OWN DAMN PARTY.

  4. +1 for 17 beats. What makes all of these awesome, indie, cool weddings, well, awesome, indie and cool, is the fact that the brides did what they wanted to do, so it reflected who they are.

    My mom says if you're asking for advice, then you probably already know the answer. If you question the dress, then don't wear it. Go with your instincts.

  5. This dress is short, short, short on the model...but depending on your body type, it might look awesome on you. I know some petite femmes who pull of pretty skimpy outfits and look HOT without looking (ahem) slutty, all because they're just little/cute/shortiez and you'd have to crawl on your hands and knees to see up their skirt no matter how short it is. Who are we to determine if you're able to rock this dress without sending a shutter up G-ma's spine? Only YOU know that. But don't wear it if you don't feel and look your best in it. Find something you feel comfortable and STUNNING in.

  6. Agreed with 17 beats and Tonia and chesapeake.

    Guys, if you're unsure about your dress enough to ask someone you don't know (even one who gives good advice like ESB) then you probably shouldn't wear it.
    Figure out what about your dress makes you uncomfortable/unhappy and find a dress that doesn't have those traits.

    Also, never forget this:

  7. "too simple" was definitely not the description I'd use.

    You don't have to KNOW the minute you put it on, like abernacky said, but if you're unsure enough to ask, you obviously don't love it. wear something that doesn't make you feel insecure.

    (sorry I can't sign in at work)

  8. No info about the wedding itself? Like ESB, my instinct is "no." But I could see this dress being worn at a kick-ass engagement party or rehearsal dinner in the right setting (nighttime, hip venue, great band playing, alcohol flowing, close friends in attendance/grandma not invited).

  9. it just...reminds me of something a girl in a white snake video would wear. but maybe it looks better on you than it does on the girl in the photo?
    ps. 17 beats is my new favorite person. ever.

  10. ummmm... i imagine one of the kardashian sisters would get married in this. but if that's the look you're going for, then you've got your dress!

  11. Ok, the question asker here (not native english speaker, so sorry for not writing so well). I am really really small with no breasts whatsoever, so the dress actually doesn't look so slutty on me (it goes down to just above my knees). I don't think I could look like any of the Kardashian sister no matter how hard I tried and how ugly dresses I choose. But I do agree on the material being a bit cheap, I think that is mainly my concern.

    Smallish afternoon/evening wedding. No grandmas invited, but some aunts and uncles, so I guess there still might be some relatives to be worried about...

    Hmmm still can't decide, I might wear it even though you hate it :-)

  12. I LOVE the dress. If you are petite, it will definitely look great and not at all slutty. I think it matches your small wedding concept, but if you are worried about the back being too revealing for the aunts/uncles, you have a few options: 1) wear your hair down (if it is long), or 2) wear a wrap or shall, or 3) wear a slip or delicate camisole underneath, or 4) get a tailor/seamstress to make a liner in a similar fabric.

    To answer your original question on accessories: you can dress it up with a large bib-style necklaces with large stones (maybe something like this? ) , and beautiful pumps. I would suggest you keep the color palette simple and chic, for example, a combination of smoky greys (on necklace and shoe), or of black and gold (black stones on gold necklace and black pumps).

    I personally do not like veils, and I think in your case it might take away from the chic/casual concept of your dress. You could wear your hair wavy like in the model, or in a low bun (chignon), or even a side ponytail (to show off the back lace panel).

    I hope it helps.

  13. It's a hot dress--for your honeymoon. But it's a bit too rock and roll for a veil. There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel "bridey," if that's why you want to wear a headpiece. And if that's the case, look for something that makes you feel like a princess or a movie star.

    Or just forget everything everyone is telling and, like 17 beats said, WEAR it and OWN it.

  14. I def see what you're saying 17 beats and chesapeake, but I probably wouldn't make a blanket rule regarding advice. for example, i was a tomboy for years, the last time i wore a skirt of any kind was for prom and, well, while i don't mind wearing one for my wedding, dresses aren't something i feel comfortable in or follow the trends on. i'm trying to learn a bit more (by reading blogs like this) but i can see where it'd be nice getting outside opinions, if only because, well, i'm totally insecure about this stuff; advice lends the sort of confidence that is usually built via years of trial and error. give me website, or a hammer, or a kitchen and i'm in my element, but a dress? even a nice one?

  15. Anon 11:45: If you're planning your wedding now, how about a white suit, a la Bianca Jagger?

  16. @anon11:45, I agree with the anon above. If you don't like dresses, don't wear one at your wedding; rock a suit or something else. Going with your instincts doesn't mean not asking for advice. There's a difference between writing in and asking "is this dress for me?" (you already know the answer if you're asking the question) and writing in and asking "I'm looking for a badass rock and roll dress for my nighttime wedding where there will be tons of booze, David Bowie, and glow sticks. Can you give me some options?"

    What I don't understand about wedding planning is that it often falls into the category of "Last Chance Tuesday." Like, "OMG, if I don't wear a white dress now, I'll never have the chance to wear a white dress EVER again." or "I have to have the fanciest bouquet of the best flower ever because I'll never have the chance to have such nice flowers again." Bullshit. Pick a flower you like for your wedding (fancy or not), and then buy fancy flowers later just because it's Thursday. So to the "insecure bride" who is afraid of not feeling special on her wedding day: feeling special is a choice. A fancy white dress won't make you feel like a bride just because it's bridal. It will just feel like a costume if you don't like fancy white dresses. So I will declare a blanket rule: go with your instincts. Works for everyone. I promise.

  17. chesapeake,

    first off, couldn't agree more.

    second, "I'm looking for a badass rock and roll dress for my nighttime wedding where there will be tons of booze, David Bowie, and glow sticks. Can you give me some options?"


  18. Thanks, 17 beats. I would love to go to that wedding, too. If I were cool enough, my upcoming wedding would be like that, but I'm settling for donuts, a purple dress, and a bicycle rickshaw instead.

  19. chesa, your wedding sounds groovy as fuck. BEST WISHES !

  20. I'm certainly not a fashionista by any means, but I liked the dress off the bat, esp after clicking on the link -- I could totally see it working as a wedding dress, if you love it (which is the only criteria in my book for a dress to be a wedding dress -- well, that and it not look like lingerie, but i'm talking the bustier-with-a-hoop-skirt-attached kind of lingerie. or, okay, a slip on busty gals, but i'm so biased (esp me being a busty gal, but I'm not a flaunter -- but that's my own issues, a-hem) ). Anon, esp if you're a small-bust gal, I think the front detail is simple but lovely, and I dig the back -- depending on your style, though, I'd stay away from sky high heels (that would up the trash factor, but hey, the heels could be fantastically gorgeous), but I guess flats and mid-heels aren't the prettiest options either? If you did go for this dress, I think not a veil, not a headpiece, but some kind of clip with a smidge of feathers or tulle or lace or whatever floats your boat would be just lovely -- but nothing bigger than, say 4 inches, max.

    Or like these (ok, I'm breaking my own rules):

    Oooh, or an invisible mini veil, at most, no accessories (except fabulous simple earrings):

  21. @chesapeake, pics or it didn't happen.

  22. @CR Thanks for your advice, I think you are right about the color palette, I have already started googling around for grey pumps :-)

    @Cara, thanks, loved the links!

  23. I always thought I wanted something edgy for my wedding - I'm tall and thin, so cute and short dresses usually flatter. But then a friend pointed out the obvious to me - I can wear cute and edgy dresses any day, so why not do something a bit more special for my wedding day? I ended up with a short-list, and the more romantic/special dress totally won over several cute/edgy dresses. I plan to dye my romantic/special dress and wear it again (would be lovely for other people's weddings, just need to make it not white) as I feel weird about only wearing a dress once. Something to think about...

  24. @Miss K - I'm chesapeake's new hubby, and I can guarantee you it was on like donkey kong. The photos aren't developed yet, but my personal bet is that you'll see the pictures of our wedding before we even tell you about them.

    it was that groovy. for real.