So my question deals with our wedding but also the future in general. I am not one of those girls who has always dreamed about my wedding and has everything down to a T, but I did know I wanted to get married outside and I didn’t want to have a religious ceremony. Enter my fiancé who happens to come from a large catholic family. When we got engaged it was just assumed by everyone in his family that we would have a catholic wedding, even though they know I am not catholic. Even family members who eloped were then pressured to have a catholic wedding afterwards. Shortly after getting engaged, I agreed to have a catholic wedding (I was still in the dreaminess of being engaged and feeling generous), which I have come to regret. A catholic wedding is not that important to my husband but is very important to his family, a nonreligious ceremony is very important to me. I feel resentful because my fiancé has pressed for what is more important to his family than important to me.
Fast forward, I am now thinking about the future since part of getting married in a catholic church is agreeing to raise your kids catholic. I know his parents are going to ask we baptize our kids and raise them catholic and then send them to catholic school, I feel like fiancé will side with what is important to them and not to me and I will come off like a frigid bitch. Even though kids are far off into the future this concerns me since I have always wanted to educate my kids about different religions and let them make a choice that best suits them. What really gets under my skin is recently we were lectured about how we should really go to catholic church more often and I wanted to say “I’m not f*ing catholic!”
My fiancé says I should concentrate on the present and not the future. I say it would be stupid to get married without looking at our future. I am just afraid I will always have to take a back seat to him and his family. I almost get the sense they feel entitled to have things go their way or their way is the only way. I guess I am not really sure what I am asking but has anyone else experienced and had things worked out, any recommendations? Should we work this out before we get married, should I have something in the prenup? Should I just suck it up and give in. I have no clue.
Ps. I should mention we have talked about this many times with no resolution. Me basically stating what I want and him stating "I guess we will wait and see"
You have got to work this out before you get married.
If your FH is not willing to stand up for you now, good fucking luck getting him to stand up for you five years from now.
(Photo by Wendy Bevan for Marie Claire Italia via TaHe via Fashion Gone Rogue)