Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Should we give plus-ones to our friends who just split?


Some good friends of ours recently broke up after years as a couple. We still want to invite both of them to our wedding. They are trying to remain friends, since the break-up had nothing to do with infidelity or anything at all scandalous. Keep in mind we are having a small wedding (50 guests max) so it's not like they will be able to avoid each other if they both come.

Is it a good idea to invite them? And should we give them plus-ones? I feel like it could be even more awkward if, say, one of them brings a date and the other doesn't, or if one brings a superhot date, and the other brings a friend. You know what I mean?

Thanks for any help.


Obviously you should invite them. (HELLO?)

And if everybody else gets a plus-one, they should get plus-ones too. Don't treat the poor wretches any differently from anyone else.

Isabel Marant 2007 via... whoopsy, guess I blew this one.


  1. My sister and her husband will be divorced by our wedding. To make it more interesting, they're the way we met! We will give them plus ones, we've discussed it with them each to say this is what we're doing so one of them isn't shocked and so they don't feel any pressure to bring someone. I trust them to be adults, and if they aren't, it'll make a story!

  2. It might be awkward if they bring dates, yes, but it might be even more awkward if you keep them from bringing dates and then they're left with only each other to talk to and dance with...

    I agree with ESB here, no special treatment. If your other friends are allowed to bring dates then they should be too.

  3. AMEN ESB! I'm in a wedding this spring and am the only bridal party member without a significant other but am not allowed a +1, yeah yeah, any +1 would have to deal with being neglected for a little while, but it sure beats being miss lonely heart when it comes time for dancing.

    Give them a +1, if they use it, great! If not, at least you gave them the choice.

  4. Issues of this couple aside, I don't think I would give +1's to anyone at my 50 person wedding. I think at a wedding that size you invite your friends' serious significant others (who should be people you know) and single friends just mingle with each other.

    If they are trying to remain friends they will probably have a great time and it won't be a big deal.

  5. this was my question. as usual, ESB, your "stop acting like a moron and use common sense" approach to answering reader queries prevails. thank you!!

  6. YES. Since they are trying to remain friends (which sounds like it means running with the same circle of friends) they'll have to navigate the new dating situation themselves. It might be awkward, but it's their awkward and they'll work it out.

  7. I have the same problem with my wedding coming up in May - we have decided not to invite +1s for our friends as they will only have been apart for a few months and feelings are still raw - quite selfishly we don't want any scenes at our wedding and already have a guestlist that we are struggling to control! If they had been apart for longer and had met new long-term partners - well that's a different story...