Friday, September 9, 2011

Waiting to elope


Dear ESB,

My man and I have known we wanted to be together for the legal long haul for quite some time, and last year I asked him if he would be ok with eloping. He's always been very clear about how ready he is to sign on the dotted line, and said, "just let me know when you want to marry me." So I asked him one day how much notice he'd like--he said one day's notice. To save for rings and possibly a honeymoon, I talked him into a year's notice.

So I've thought about it and thought about it--all  the time I frustrate myself with this silly waiting game. We know we want to get married, we don't want to have a wedding, why not just do it? I've thought about giving "a year's notice" in November, for our anniversary. We're going to the mountains like we did last year (to stay with a very inspiring 83 year old German woman in an 19th century farmhouse, on her peacock farm run by 4 huge Alsatian dogs! Incidentally, the Frau thinks we're married and sends us mail addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Mylastname. Sehr suß.)

Then today, I don't know why, I thought: why don't we just elope this November? Another thing weighing on my mind is that I don't know how much longer my grandmother is going to be alive... we live on opposite sides of the country and she has decided it's too difficult for her to travel anymore. We're still very close, and last month I was lucky enough to spend 8 days with her. We talked extensively about marriage and relationships and I got her approval to marry my dearest. I know it would make her happy, and also fill the empty frame that she's been staring at in the hallway among all the family wedding photos. (She even hinted while I was there, "maybe one of the grandkids will get married!" The reason the frame is empty is quite sad--her youngest son--a preacher!--cut off all communication with the family.) Also, I know I want to wear my grandmother's beautiful blue velvet dress (with a leather jacket, naturally) to the courthouse. November would be just enough time to hem the dress and call a photographer--perfect, no?

Am I just making this way more complicated than it needs to be? It's an elopement for chrissake! Should I tell him I'd rather fuck this whole plan-an elopement-a-year-in-advance thing? OR should I surprise him when we're already in the mountains? He's my best friend--I feel like I've been sitting on this "year's notice" thing waiting for November to roll around when really we're married every day, just not on paper. OR should we really wait a year and save up for a kick ass honeymoon?

Sincerely,
Waiting to elope


*****

Surprise him.

Hem the dress, call a photographer, and give him one day's notice just like he asked you to.

p.s. Yay!!

Lola by Hilary Walsh, styled by Brett Bailey, makeup by Sara Glick for Unwind Magazine

20 comments:

  1. totally agree with esb. It sounds so romantic, and exciting!

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  2. oh yeah, yay!
    this sounds great!

    best of love! <3

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  3. Omg this whole story is amazing. And ESB's advice is the obvious AWESOME ending (new beginning) to it!! Do it!! Congrats!!!!

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  4. do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.do.it.

    the entire thing sounds magical.

    the only ask: SEND PHOTOS!

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  5. exactly. who says you can't get married now, save, and then go on your honeymoon a year from now?

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  6. I can't help but cite one episode of Friends: "Do it! Do it! Do it NOW!".

    As your grandmother seems so important to you (and she has given you her blessing), a nice thing might be to elope to the city and "kidnap" her to be your witness... of course as she lives so far from you it might be too complicated, but it's the first thing that came to my mind when I read your letter:)

    Congrats! (and I too ask: please send photos and write how it went!)
    K.

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  7. Agree, agree!! But also, PLEASE send ESB photos afterward! Dying to see this killer November elopement with a vintage blue velvet dress and leather jacket. I mean, it doesn't get more rad.

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  8. YESSSS.

    and photos. we want photos.

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  9. Only one day notice is key! go get it done.

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  10. This is so romantic I can't stand it. Amazing amazing amazing plan. Can't wait to see pictures, and I bet your grandma can't either.

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  11. do a one day notice - have your anniversary trip become your honeymoon & then use the year you were going to save up for a kick ass honeymoon be the year you save up for a kick ass 1 yr anniversary-moon! why the heck not? ;o)

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  12. Am I the only one who wants to know the deets on this German vacation spot? Can I stay there sometime? Oh and I completely agree with ESB

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  13. So romantic. Think of the stories you will tell your grandkids. Send photos!

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  14. I'll be having my wedding too. It could be this soon. And I'm so excited about it. And by the way I wish you a happy marriage life. I couldn't help but to like your romantic story. Thanks for sharing! :D

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  15. Doooooo ittttttt.

    And take a film camera for pictures and send them to ESB OR ELSE I'll... i'll... be a bit disappointed cos your wedding sounds beautiful.

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  16. YES. just remember to do all the details like booking the registrar, etc

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  17. I second JB's comment, check out the rules at least and make sure you both have all necessary identification. Some states have lame waiting periods and require birth certificates, so by all means do a little preplanning to not let that take the wind out of your sails the day before your anniversary.

    Also, coming from another eloper, don't feel at all bad or ridiculous about including whatever is important to you. It's your wedding day. Have a blast.

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  18. Man, I wish I could do that. Here in Australia you must give 1 month and 1 day's notice to the celebrant - both of you.

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  19. One day's notice, I love it! Please write back afterwards and let us know how it went. With pictures!

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