I am having a bit of a quandry. Actually, it is a pretty huge issue. I am in love with and have been dating my BF for nearly eight years now. We really enjoy each other's company and he really makes me laugh (the sex is great too!). However, I want to get married, and though we have discussed it many times, I am starting to think it may not happen. There seem to be a few, er, "roadblocks" in the way, for lack of a better term.
First off, my BF is Italian, and his parents are immigrants who speak little English. They have very traditional beliefs and don't want us living together before marriage. Right now I usually only see my BF once a week, because he lives at the other end of the city and works from home (he lives in his parent's basement). I have met his parents (though it took him three years to finally introduce me to them) and they seem to like and accept me, but still, I would like us to keep moving forward. Also, there is the catholic thing. I am not religious, and my BF isn't particularly devout either, but his parents insist that we must get married in a catholic church (which means I have to become catholic). I honestly can't see myself doing that, but if that's what I have to do, so be it.
Now the problems that are really bothering me. We are trying to save money for our own house. Our plan is that we will buy a house, then get married, and then move into it together (I will live there by myself before). Great, right? Well, we aren't anywhere near having enough money for the down payment and I haven't seen any sign that he is going to propose. Our friends have been harassing him to buy a ring and propose to me for about five years now; I even had my best friend tell him exactly what style of ring I like. But nothing. I suppose he probably thinks buying a ring is just money that would be better put into the house fund, but still, it's the gesture that counts, isn't it? Each holiday and birthday and long weekend goes by and nothing. And I only see him on weekends. We've never actually spent more than a couple of consecutive days together. When I think of this, I feel really frustrated and upset.
Why can't we just move forward? He is a wonderful, funny, caring guy and I love him and want to be with him. I am trying to be really, really patient and understanding and not nag, but at this point I feel helpless. I'm nearly 35 now and at this rate I doubt I will be married in time to have kids and do the things we have always dreamed of.
Please tell me what to do; should I just enjoy him for who he is and have faith and be more patient?
Cut your losses and move on. You've been WAY TOO PATIENT already.
(Glen Luchford for Vogue Italia October 2008 via Gaile Guevara)