Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Dear ESB: I have wedding band issues.


I am getting married in August and have yet to decide on bands. I have a fantastic antique engagement ring that is similar to the one in this photo. I really, really love it - the stone is an heirloom from my fiance's great aunt, and the setting is circa 1915. The "filigree" or whatever its called is a little more geometric than the ring pictured, but I am not tech-savvy enough to attach a photo of my own ring, so, you know, this will have to do. 

Anyway, the problem is that I don't know what kind of wedding band to get.  I have tried on curved bands but they don't work because a) i hate them, and b) they make the ring look lopsided and take away from the cool shape of it. So, I'm at a loss. I really want a band, but they all look so weird with the ring. Is it ok not to have one? Can i get something simple and wear the engagement ring on my right hand? help! 


I also would ideally like my band and my future husband's band to be somewhat similar. Any suggestions there?

Sincerely,
Bandless?


*****

It is okay not to have a wedding band. It's okay to do WHATEVER YOU WANT.

But I love your simple-band-on-the-left-hand, fantastic-antique-on-the-right idea.

Re simple, matching bands: Catbird, Bario-Neal, Bittersweets New York (pictured above), Sarah Perlis and OK all have simple, beautiful bands that you can order in varying widths and weights and colors and finishes.

I happen to like a wide wedding band on a guy, in the same color + finish as his wife's more narrow band. In case you were asking me to get that specific.

23 comments:

  1. OH! i had this same issue. my engagement ring is in a vintage hexagonal setting and a wedding band didn't match it. i wear my wedding band on my right hand and my engagement ring on my left. works for me!

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  2. Same here! My husband and I found his ring at an antique shop because he wanted something different.

    https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=6816767#!/photo.php?fbid=1220680994719&set=t.6816767&type=1&theater

    My ring is the top and his is the bottom. I like how they are both pretty androgynous.

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  3. I wear my wedding ring on my left hand and my engagement ring on the right. I feel like it spreads out the goodness.

    And damn I like those bands.

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  4. I'm the same as Naurnie and Hannah - engagement on the left, wedding on the right. I love the symmetry of it.

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  5. I am having a similar problem. My engagement ring is from 1880, and so the stone setting is really low, not making it easy to find a band that fits with it. I'm going to just wear my engagement ring on my right hand, and my wedding band on my left hand. Simple, and that way I can chose whatever wedding band I want, not having to let it be dictated by my engagement ring.

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  6. I had the same predicament. I too have an antique engagement ring and it looked weird every time I tried it on with a band. I opted for the simple cool band (mine is wood) and the engagement ring on the right hand. It works for me.

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  7. I had a similar situation (not an antique engagement ring, but non-traditional) and ended up without a wedding band and wearing my engagement ring for the first couple of years I was married. Then I found an antique band I loved and wore the two rings on different hands for a while. These days I mostly wear the band only. Really there are no rules, and you might find, like me and I think lots of ladies, that you wear your ring(s) one way for a while and then switch it up. Feel free to do what works for you. Good luck, I'm sure you will find something great for you and your man. What does he want, btw?

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  8. I, like everyone in the peanut gallery, have an antique engagement ring, and when we get married, I'm going bandless... for now. I figure that sometime in the future, I'll need a band when wearing my ring isn't practical. Then I'll get one. I'm not buying one now because we're getting all the wedding stuff ready and I feel like I can spread the love/purchase spree.

    My fiance isn't sure about the ring business so we bought him a titanium ring in the most dull finish you can imagine. if/when I get a band, I imagine he'll get one too. Again, future. You don't have to figure it all out now! You are allowed to buy wedding related things post-nuptials :)

    Good luck lady!

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  9. My brother gave his wife to be a family engagement ring. She's just using that as the wedding ring. Done.

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  10. yes, pleaaaase get exactly what you want.. you will be mad at yourself if you don't. i wanted a left hand band totally separate in style from my engagement ring, but when my husband and i were looking for bands to go with my big fat rock, nothing looked good. so i got something that isn't me, but now my husband is sort of attached to it and isn't ready for me to swap it out. save the trouble and do what you want.

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  11. *i meant to say right hand band.

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  12. no opinion on what you do but i have to say that my wife's wedding band is the bittersweets ny thin line band pictured above and she loves it. perfect unisex band and super comfy b/c it is thin.

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  13. A band on the ring finger of both hands is standard practice in Sweden =) Bandless, here is a chance to expand your multicultural horizons =D

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  14. thank you so much for all the advice! i definitely have a renewed interest in wedding band shopping! i'm definitely leaning towards moving my engagement ring to the right hand, and getting a simple wedding band for the left. - bandless

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  15. I wear my engagement ring on my right and my wedding band (that matches my husband's) on my left. Everyone thinks it is weird, but I don't know who made up the band plus engagement must match and be worn together rule. Same people who probably made up the 3 month paycheck rule.

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  16. I do the engagement on the right and wedding band on the left and I love it. I get weird looks every now and then, but I love it!! I agree with Jessica, above. No clue who made these "rules" but have some fun breaking them. :)

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  17. i went for a couple of years wearing only my engagement ring (it's the most beautiful thing, i never found a band that felt like a nice companion.) however, it's sort of, ummm, large, so i had a bittersweets famous letter ring made recently. it's the antithesis of my what my engagement ring is...it's like a whisper, so tiny and sweet. i wear it alone when i'm gardening/swimming/traveling, and have recently started stacking the two. do they match? not even close, but i love them both, so all those old silly rules? out the window.

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  18. I'm on my 3rd wedding band. I made the last one myself and haven't worn my engagement ring in years...but that's because I'd cry remembering my slender wedding size fingers, instead of my marital sausage fingers. My taste in jewellery has changed since I got married as well as my finger girth!! The important thing is I'm still wearing the first husband. x
    P.S That ring is amazing!

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  19. I have a Victorian engagement ring and I wear it on my right hand.

    I wanted a stand alone wedding band for a number of reasons. I love my band and my engagement ring and I'm so glad I didn't get a band made to curve around the engagement ring.

    And now I live in a part of the world where people wear their wedding bands on their right hands, so I figure I've got all my bases covered!

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  20. I have a similarly wide ring and just didn't get a band. It was cheaper this way too!

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  21. Same problemo, but I already wear a family ring on my right hand. So no spare ring finger. Was not really fussed about a wedding band, as my antique engagement ring is The Loveliest Most Special Ring Ever (seed pearls and coral set in 'panels', made in London in 1942). Then a friend of mine got a Tiffany 'Metro' band for her 30th - thinnest most delicate diamond band I'd ever seen. She kindly let me try it on with my antique ring and it looked great. Complemented rather than overshadowing, and the way they had a gap and didn't sit together properly (because my e-ring is curved) actually looked really cute. So we went to our local jeweller, described the Tiffany ring, and asked him to make me a 1mm band and do a half-eternity setting with the smallest diamonds available! The result was perfect.

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  22. PS Should also add that my ring cost hugely less than the Tiffany version!

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  23. these thin floral carved bands would look stunning alongside the vintage filligree engagement ring: http://rustwedding.bigcartel.com/products

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