Monday, February 9, 2009

baby ambivalence

I'm on the fence about having a baby. Or, rather, I'm looking over the fence. Thinking smugly, "I'm so glad I don't want a baby."

But every so often I have a moment of doubt.*

Like when the rad eight-month-old Mr. S and I are dancing to a Tom Petty Pandora station and he makes a little humming noise to indicate that he appreciates a mean guitar riff. Or when Jamie admits to having a thrifted baby clothes collection tucked away in her shed (hello tiny Wrangler).**

And I get this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach.

But mostly I think about all the ways I love my life with H-town. And all the things we want to do as two.

Yikes, did I really just write a baby ambivalence post? Welcome to esb year #2.

*Mom, please do not get excited. If you ask me about this post, I will deny I ever wrote it. I'm serious.

**We had a whole corresp w/ Peonies about whether it was tempting fate and/or just plain creepy to buy baby clothes before you have a baby. But I have determined that Jamie is behaving sensibly. I mean, could you pass up a size 12mo vintage western shirt? For 99 cents? And her best friend gets the collection if she doesn't have a baby for whatever reason.

(Image of the shirt snapped for me by Jamie)


  1. I so so so so get this. And I think the key is that your life as a "two" doesn't end when a little guy comes into the picture. You just have to make more time for the two of you. That's why grandparents are programmed to love tiny babies...they make excellent babysitters! (Hear that, ESB mom?!)

  2. i get it.

    between you and i .. i thrifted a gorgeous maternity shirt - and i'm not even considering having a baby for years!

    we all have a little mommy in us, i think.

    and besides, someday your little guy might be a cowboy - and he's going to need something to wear.

  3. I am right there with you. I have never, ever had the slightest desire for a baby and the other day I suddenly thought "I really like the name Leah. Wouldn't it be nice to have a little munchkin named Leah that I could dress up?" And then I immediately remembered that I only like babies for about 20 minutes, tops, before I am completely tired of the non stop neediness. But I'm afraid that baby desire is worming it's way into me, somehow. Maybe I should just buy a doll.

  4. I so get you. Me and you are *here (points to eyes).
    I especially love the message to your mom and your denial of said post. I get that.

  5. my mother had never mentioned me having babies until i let something slip out (that we might plan for one sooner than later). now she has actually been buying stuff and talking about it all the time. it's kinda like when i got married. she never pressured me for a wedding, but as soon as i was going to have one, she suddenly became a nazi planner. ahh. good stuff.

  6. i don't know that i want a baby either. my situation is complicated by the fact that my partner and i are both incredibly selfish, vice-driven people, and that i work with children (large and small) day in and day out.

    i like to remember, though, that my life is dynamic and nuanced, and that i don't know how i will feel in one, five, ten, fifteen, or twenty years. i think it's important to be like the reed (is that even a saying?!?!) and stay flexible. excited about and open to new possibilities-- babies, ideas, jobs, locations, food... you get my drift, i think.

  7. i think now that i have a wee-one, i can't imagine life without him. i think it probably works both ways though, and it is impossible to know how much you'll enjoy your own offspring until he/she arrives. (rachel: other people's kids are far more annoying than your own). it does impact your two lives greatly, i think overall, the impact is far more positive than what you give up or reduce to make room for a third. just be sure you're ready to be home more!

  8. I never wanted a baby. But, the fact is you only have BABY for a year. Then they're a kid, then a teenager, then an adult. The only way I can describe it is in a way remarkably similar to how I describe the way I love her dad: You can't describe it. You don't love parts, nor necessarily the whole. But sometimes, when they're sleeping, or when they smile at you, or when they hold your hand when you didn't even realize you needed your hand held, you understand what love is. I think a big part of it is realizing these 4 things: 1. you will NOT stop having new experiences. They will simply be different. 2. The love you feel for your hubby? Imagine that doubled (or tripled, or quadrupled, or whatever). 3. Though certain things need to be put on hold, and life is infinitely more complicated, life does not end in your 20s or 30s or 40s. You WILL get a chance to do all those things, it just might take longer. 4. They're amazing (this coming from the girl who thought she would NEVER get married, let alone have kids!)

    Either way, try to listen to your gut, but don't forget your heart, whether it's telling you to have babies, or travel, or just keep bloggin'. Good luck!

  9. This post made me cry a little with relief (I am also PMSing hardcore). I've been tormenting myself about this very issue for about a year. I'm just not feeling it. When are these mythical baby-wanting hormones supposed to kick in? Being a lazy bastard + not particularly young + phobic about stickiness = major indecision.

  10. thrifting awesome baby clothes is not creepy-its simply a wise thing to do. Who doesn't want their wee one in some mini wranglers and teenie vintage moccasins. I have a few amazing 70's pieces stored away and I'm not scuuured that they will jinx me and invite an early baby.

  11. All I'm sayn' is, the best coolest mom I know was like "MEG I AM NEVER HAVING A BABY! I HATE BABIES! SO SHUT UP ABOUT HOW I'D BE ALL RAD WITH A KID AND STUFF!"

    And then? Rad with a kid (oops).

    So all I'm saying is the very best parents are the ones who would never consider giving up who they are because they have a kid. Nope. Their kids rock out to guitar solos.

    Which is not to say you should have a baby, just that, you know, there are different ways to do it, should it ever happen. Vintage wrangler ways.

  12. Okay this is creepy I wrote about my own unmentionable baby room on the newer post before I saw this one... I feel ya.

  13. You would have the best baby ever. Just saying.