Hey ESB, Remember Me?

I wrote in months ago asking about engagement rings under $100, and then again about how much bhldn pissed me off (which it obviously still does.) :)

Turns out, Mr. Demented-Psychotic-Ex-Boyfriend-as-soon-as-I-could-make-it-happen wanted a cheap engagement ring as a way of latching onto me for a few months and sucking my soul dry. It worked.

Lucky for me, I woke up one day smacked in the face with the realization that, despite everything I believe about love and marriage, this huge series of verbal/psychological/emotional domestic violence was not it. I ran for it. HARD.

Turns out, I was right. Mr. Demented-Psychotic-Fucking-CRAZY-NOW-IMMEDIATELY-MY-EX decided to steal all my money (which, as a bfa grad March 2011, have been working and saving for MONTHS for a move to NY,) my CAR, explode into a terrifying rage which in turn convinced me very quickly to leave my city, ruin everything I owned (laptop, cell phone, books and journals,) oh, you know, as well as my sanity for oh so, so long.



and brrreeeeaaaathe.



Things are good now.
I will be stronger because I know how to.
I will be wiser because I owe it to myelf, after letting all this happen.
I will be happier, because I choose to.

And I don't know what I'm saying except hello, and here's one hell of an update, and i don't want this to happen to other people. :(

All my love,
Lady X

*****

Oh, lady.

Do you have any advice for the four-months-ago you??

<3 <3 <3

*****

Oh shoot, ESB, isn't that a hard one?

My advice to myself four months ago?
Four months ago I needed someone to be real with me. He had moved me in with him and had gigantic, terrifying rages when I tried to spend time with other people. And he told me he loooooved me. He held me and petted me and it was a sick kind of "I keep you here because I love you," kind of thing. And because I was alone, because I was secluded, because I had nobody to bounce my sanity off of, I bought it, hook, line, and ultimate sinker.

Well, honestly, the question becomes really simple then. Four months ago, I needed someone to slap me and take me out for a drink. I needed to get into the real world, and I needed to be honest about the relationship.

Here's what I would say to myself over drinks, four months ago:

Girl. This sucks. This really sucks. Look at what you've done to your plans. This is not okay. Where is your family? Have you asked your family for their opinions? You have two experts on health and relationships right in front of you, dingbat: your parents. They're older and wiser for a reason. And your brothers and sisters aren't so bad, either. (My 9-year-old bro, Chester, was incredibly astute about it all.)

And let's Get real. This guy doesn't have a job, doesn't look for one, never claims responsibility, never lends a helping hand, never lets you see your friends, never lets you run your errands, throws fits when you wear pretty things, and gets mad when you talk to your Mom in the evening. Who does he thinks he's kidding? What fucking kind of inane behavior is that?

Question those Indescrepencies. There are loads of excuses and falsehoods being spoon fed to you right now. First of all, stop eating 'em up, and then calmly, openly, unassumedly, question them. Then, GET REAL, again. If all is well and clear, then all will be well and clear. And if it's not, then now you know. Don't worry about not knowing, NOW you do, and NOW you are responsible for the truth.

And girl, my love, Be brave enough to do something good for yourself. Being patient and "weathering the storm" is only going to cause more frustration, more investment, more of the same. You've communicated your needs in every way, and they're not being met. Leave. Leave because you know you need to, know you want to. You are strong. You are beautiful. You have a whole history of good choices to support this one. You can trust those guts, trust those years of practice you have taking care of yourself, and trust that you can create a better life than this. Go for it, baby. <3

Love love love love love love love love love eighteen million times,
Lady X

Masha Novoselova by Txema Yeste for Vogue Spain via Soph Mueller + Image Amplified

A custom suit for under $500

Grand Street Suit has finally answered the "Where can I get a badass, slim-fit suit that won't cost me a KAJILLION DOLLARS?" question.

If the catbirds recommend em, I have no qualms.

Suits may be purchased online (hallelujah!) or private fittings can be arranged for customers in NYC.

Update: Whoopsy. So the suits aren't actually custom. But I just got this email from Andrew of Grand Street, which makes me even more excited...

So to be clear the suits are off the rack and extra slim fit. They are full canvased non-fused garments. This means that the lining and body work of the jacket is sewn in by hand and gives a structure to the suit. A fused uses glue on the lining and is a very cheap way to make clothing. Also I saw that a person said they were not small enough -- we specialize in extra small sizes. The smallest size you can get in a store is usually 38. We go down to 34. (The number 34 indicates the chest size not the pant.) Hope this clears up some stuff for you!

I like the idea of wedding parties. I would even be willing to cut the price if a groom and best men wanted suits. I could set it up like a wholesale account and charge about 40% less the retail price...

Andrew's girlfriend Martha added:

I have seen these suits on many fine young men, including the gentlemen of Panic at the Disco and most recently a Brooklyn groom, and no one has required alterations other than a shortened pant leg.

signet wedding band

Is this a new trend or is Refinery29 just trying to make it into one?

Anyhoo. I'm digging this vintage men's band (avail at Erica Weiner). Any AR's out there??
______________________________

Oooooooooooh. There's a heart-shaped one too. It would take a BALLSY dude to rock that.

Dear ESB: I want to cancel my wedding.

My fiancé and I have been engaged since last December and we are getting married next June. I can't wait to marry him. He is my best friend and just basically all around wonderful.

I have been reading various wedding blogs since before we were engaged. I love the idea of an awesome DIY wedding. So, soon after he proposed we found an awesome barn and started developing our vision for the wedding. We've also secured most of the major vendors, i.e. photographer, food, dj.

My problem is that for the past few weeks I've been re-thinking all of our plans. I love the idea of our wedding, but the cost has quickly started to add up. I know I should be better about sticking to a budget, but I'm the type of person who, once I have an idea, I want to do everything I can to execute that idea. So, I'm not the best at making cuts. Also, the planning is intense. Nothing is included with the venue or the caterers we have chosen so I have to plan for everything. Down to things like bringing salt and pepper. My fiancé and I both work crazy hours and so, even though we have a ton of time still, I'm worried about my ability to do this. Also, most of the wedding is going to be outside, including the ceremony and dance floor. And so, I'm paranoid it's going to rain. Which I know I should have thought about before I picked the venue, but again, I tend to let the vision overwhelm the practicality of things.

Finally, this brings me to my point. I'm not even sure I want to do this anymore. All that I really want is to marry my fiancé. I'm not sure if I want to spend the next year saving every penny we possibly can so that 170 people (70 of whom are the obligatory invites) can eat green salad and dance on a soggy lawn. I feel like our money would be better spent on an intimate ceremony followed by a less crazy/ involved bash (maybe something in a restaurant?) with those people we really want to celebrate with, and then going on a kick ass honeymoon.

I think if it were up to me, I'd say screw it all and cancel everything. However, my fiancé is reluctant to take such drastic measures. He doesn't disagree with my feelings that it's insane for us to spend such ridic amounts of money on one night when all we want is to be married. But, I also think he likes the idea of a giant shindig with everyone we've ever met present, because he feels like we should celebrate to the fullest extent.

So, my question: am I crazy for wanting to cancel the venue, food, etc. and try to totally scale this thing back? Am I just having a momentary freak out? (This did begin after seeing the proposal from the caterer.) 

Any advice is much appreciated!

*****

Fuck the obligatory invites. Cross them off of the list right now.

I've heard a lot of brides express regrets about not shelling out the money for a kick-ass photographer, or not splurging on the shoes, but never once have I heard anyone say, "I wish we had a BIGGER WEDDING."

Defaced image from Margaret Howell via Kylea Borges

don't want to look skanky at my rehearsal... (It's a SHOPPING CONTEST, you guys!)

Dear ESB,

First, your website rocks.

Second, I need some advice. I'm getting married to the best man ever in the suburbs of Philadelphia in November. The wedding itself is a bit more rustic/chic. To satisfy our urban/chic sides, we've opted to have the rehearsal dinner in the penthouse of a steakhouse in the city with a sick view of the Philadelphia skyline (yes, there is one).

My wedding dress is pretty traditional, all lace, strapless, corset back, beautiful, etc. So for the rehearsal, I want to wear something a bit edgy/sexy/urban. I'm having trouble finding the right dress in my budget (less than $250 please!) that isn't total skank or total bo-ring. I'm slender, nearly 5'11'', and not afraid to wear some serious heels. Got anything for me?

Your help would be, well, awesome.

Philly Bride

*****

All right you guys, here's the challenge:

Put together an outfit for our Philly Bride featuring a dress for under $250 (obv) and one item from the Bona Drag online store. Bona Drag has a rad selection of edgy/sexy/urban dresses, but feel free to shop their shoes and/or jewelry if you find a kickass dress elsewhere.

Extra points for ppl who find a way to incorporate small dogs/cats/bunnies into their ensembles. (Or would that not be edgy?? I'm losing perspective.)

Paste as many entries as you can dream up in the comments below (one entry per comment), and PULEEZE use this little bit of html to create links:

<a href="http://lewebsite.com/">Le Website</a>

or

<a href="PASTE THE LINK HERE">WHAT DO YOU WANT TO CALL THE LINK?</a>

(Get it? Blogger very thoughtfully offers a preview, so you can see if the link worked before you publish your comment.)

I'll do like with the Country Club Wedding Crisis, and post my favorite outfits for you guys to vote on.

My lady at Bona Drag is offering a $200 gift certificate to the winner. WOOT UP!

Pictured: Pamela Love Single Porcupine Needle Pendant (I die) + Society for Rational Dress Blue Stripe Open Back Maxi
______________________________

This is not a paid post.

If Jack Kerouac emailed ESB....?

Dear ESB,

A wonderful and sage friend was the one that introduced me to your blog (and I can not thank her enough!) Presently, I am writing this email from work (a restaurant where my fiancé is the executive chef). I could say that I run the front of the house but I really am just an over-glorified server. There is a reason I am setting this scene as my latest crisis of conscience has hit a pinnacle after we have just served a Bridal Shower at the restaurant.)

I have been trying to keep as even keeled with my planning (my wedding is 7-7-12...because I have to get married on the one week a year the restaurant closes...because we are like a staff of 6, we would need to make this happen when the restaurant is closed) but I know this might be one of the few times i will be able to break from this black uniform and just be beautiful, dance and eat and just have a party of it. I am an artist (though I often hesitate to use such a term) and I did want to treat the whole wedding ceremony/reception/attire/details as an art installation. (I am trying to stay away from spending money on flowers...but was thinking about how to make a multi-tiered cupcake holder out of plexiglass and tree stumps cut on the bias to make a "cupcake tree"...so I am about making the day special without blowing money on things I that think are a waste- we have budgeted heaviest on food and wine!)

I suppose I have all these wonderful ideas and trying to plan a Miami DIY wedding from NJ probably will start to prove more difficult and I am starting to feel like I will lose more and more sight of keeping it simple...and get caught in this wedding quicksand.

Shit, up to a couple months ago, I would scoff at the thought of buying a bridal magazine (I'm up to ten) and now I am on the other side of the coin and taking back much of my initial ignorance of how easy it is to get sucked in.

But then we have one of these events at the restaurant and I have to take care of a room full of woman who dote on this freaking bridezilla of a girl and I think....man I would just be so grateful to have all these wonderful people around me and not have to carry a zillion plates and run around at these over hormonal woman. (Actually I think I would even have a reverse shower where I would invite all the people I am sure I will start to drive crazy by the end of this process to just have an afternoon where we have amazing eats, have some libations and play some of those obnoxious silly games I have had to sit and watch while taking care of these parties...because for me that is what is about...not stilling though a gazillion presents and oohing and aaahhhing like its the greatest thing since sliced bread. And however lame those games are to some...I am such a geek and love them...especially those that would really result in some quirky amazing things by way of my art friends.)

And the dress...man the one thing I thought I would not have burned out on...the sheer disillusionment.

I would have to agree that I was really hoping that I was going to have a solution through BHLDN....but that was not the case. I have even wavered on the original budget of $2000 that has quickly scaled down as I tried on dresses at that price point and I started to think of all the house things I could buy with that money (we just purchased a home in May and just finished a soup-to-nuts redo of our master bath...so I know what $2000 can buy in materials...) and then I remember the black uniform I wear 6 days a week....and the quicksand creeps in. I am wondering if a dress can be purchased ::gasps:: for the $1000 I was budgeting (with the wiggle room of $1500, but then all the extras pile up just as fast.) Thinking vintage and consignment...so I have not totally lost hope, since some of my greatest party dresses to date have been purchased that route.

As you can see...I have rambled but this has been such a catharsis. I had started this email at work and am finishing it up in the quiet of my home, able to reflect that I have been wanting to write to you for a couple weeks now. Don't know how the response works through this email outlet...but I will hope this email finds you in good spirits to deal with my all over style of writing, certainly how Jack Kerouac might have written this kind of an email (at least I will say that to justify the feel of this whole stream-of-consciousness....does it make me seem less insipid...because in dark moments I feel like I may be there already.)

I know there was no direct question...but perhaps just a need to write to what I have viewed as great source for perspective and humor.

Thanks ~!

*****

(Smiling on the other side of the computer screen.)

This made my whole week.

JK via The Flashdance via A Conversation On Cool.

Please note Holly's DIY glittah

It is awesome.

F*ck flowers?

Dear ESB,

My wedding is in one week. There will be no flowers in attendance. None. No bouquet. Will I regret this??? Is this my one chance to have one hand occupied with a bunch of flowers all day and I'm missing it?

I mean, I like flowers and all and there is still time for me to throw something together.

I need to opinions from people who have done this whole wedding thing before, you know?

Thank you.

*****

I am not a flower person especially, but I REALLY REALLY loved my bouquet.

It was super fun to carry around (and it gave me something to do with my hands during the ceremony).

Polaroid by Jen Altman

Emergency! My guy is scared and the wedding is a week away

Hello ESB

My guy and I have been together for 10 years. We have faced every problem that has come our way, and come out stronger for it. We have loved and respected each other, and he is everything that I want in my partner and best friend. We got engaged a year and half ago, and the wedding is in one week. We are both extremely busy people but have always been able to make time for each other, and take care of each other. The problem is 2 weeks ago we got off track and we can't get back on, he keeps imagining a life without me, trying to place failures in his life on me, and has cut me off. I feel like I'm losing my best friend.

At this point, if we need to cancel the wedding we can, even though I don't want to, all that matters is making us work.

But how could someone go from 10 years of healthy, happy communication to complete shut down in such a short period of time, with no major problems leading into it.

Is it just cold feet?

Thank you
Girl who misses her guy

*****

You're right. He's scared.

Tell him exactly what you just told me. That he's everything you want in a partner. That you're willing to cancel the wedding (though that's not what you want) -- "all that matters is making us work."

Then step back and give him some space.

Another photo from Olivia Bee

Blog of the Week(ish): olivia bee

Her photos make my heart hurt in the best possible way.

Do I invite the Bat-shit crazy aunt??

Hello ESB,

I'm consulting a professional on this matter. You'll get why. My wedding is two months away. Hoping for only 100 guests, we sent out over 100 invitations, most of which are more than one person per. So, you see how my mother and grandmother went overboard. Mind you, my mother is not the "jump up and down I can't believe you're getting married" type. She has her moments, but majority of the time she's the "frugal, simple- you don't need your hair or makeup done professionally" type. Which doesn't fly with me -- I'm doing this Go Big or Go Vegas. Which brings me to my dilemma.

My family is extra large and extra close. We've had family businesses and family investments together. Think Gotti without the mob and murders, or Real Housewives (Danielle might be a good example of my aunt). So our family finally came to blows last year and we experienced a rift and drama. Aside from the money, there were words that shouldn't have been spoken between family members. But forgiveness is divine and my personal opinion is that everyone was at fault in the end. 

That being said, my aunt/ godmother -- invite or not invite? My other aunts have forbid me from doing so because of their own personal preference. My mother is just as torn as I am. For me I would have the opportunity to be the bigger person but risk a disaster. While if I don't my mom has the potential to get even more drama from her later on (and my cousins won't come). There are a lot of opinions and I'll admit, I'm actually tempted to let her come so that I do get to finally say something to her if the situation arose.

So far I've been told to keep my mouth shut because it's between the older generation. But it's family and isn't a wedding day about inviting family? I could really use some no nonsense do or do not. Considering her children are invited she is going to know about the details.

(Mind you, it's not a mere squabble either, between you and me, we're talking millions of dollars and years worth of issues.)

*****

It sounds like you want to invite Ms. Bat-shit Crazy. I say DO IT.

p.s. The Real Housewives reference is totally lost on me, thank god. That's one of the few reality tv shows I can't stand to watch.

Photo: Astrid by Bo Brinkenfalk for Schön Magazine via Fashion Gone Rogue

My bridesmaids want to copy my HAIR

Dear ESB,

Ok, long time reader.. First time writer. I'm getting married in 11 days and I need your brutally honest advice. Seriously, hit me with the realness.

Here's the situation. 

I live on the west coast but getting married on the east coast so planning and going to appointments has been challenging for me. The last time I was home I had a disastrous hair trial and after 2 hours the lady finally did my hair the way I had originally asked (she kept telling me she knew what I really wanted and wouldn't do what I asked). Anyway, I showed some of my bridesmaids my hair pictures and now they are saying they want their hair done the SAME way.

Now, I have remained calm during this planning process and I've gone out of my way to make sure the BM's feel beautiful on the wedding day.. I've let them pick their dresses and shoes but this is one thing I just feel strongly about.

Do I pull the bridezilla card and forbid them from my hair style? Or do I just fucking get over it?

I'm not getting home in time to do another hair trial for myself (nor do i feel like spending the money to do so) so I need to figure out what I'm gonna do.

Thanks,

Hairzilla

Sent from my iPhone

***** 

Take it as a compliment. You picked a great hairdo.

Now tell em: "NO WAY. IT'S MINE."

Photo by Amy Gwatkin of Katie Shillingford in her Stephen Jones veil (via littlewinterbride). You really have to go and look at photos of the dress.

Naked pale anti-bride: THE FOLLOW-UP

Hey ESB,

I wrote to you many moons ago about this.

And this is what came of our wedding. The dress I ended up with was pre-owned but never worn and fit like a glove while also hiding my white parts...i.e. most of me... but it wasn't too prudish, more understated vintage/modern-esque). Oh, and I found it just a week and a half before our wedding. Ha!

I'm a little embarrassed that I'm even sending this to you but since folks **seemed** slightly interested in seeing the outcome I thought why not.

Oh, and it was 77 degrees two days before our wedding and ended up SNOWING on us on the actual day. BUT, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way now. Girls need to realize that they won't melt if they get a little moist. Yup, I said moist.

*****

So. You look amazing. You're even pulling off THE BOOTS, which, I'm not always a fan of brides in cowboy boots.

I'll work on forgiving you for the Style Me Pretty bullsh*t.

(Photos by Jenna Walker Photography)

Here's someone who actually needs our help

Dear ESB,

I've been reading your blog for months and though I have no idea how I found you, I heart you dearly! Come join my crew in NY soon! We'll take you to tequila trivia on sunday night which is as fun as it sounds: lots.

Anyway, to the point: My fiance and are one of those couples who like the DIY aesthetic but work 100 hours a week combined so by the time we have a free minute the last thing we can muster is the energy to craft anything worthy enough to be involved in our wedding (except we made our own invites but that's only because I had a hookup through work so that was essentially part of the 100 hrs... I'm rambling but you get the point. We're spent). We are madly in love 4 years strong but I'm starting to worry about pulling this whole shebang together with only 1 month left (Sept 10 yay!) and so much left to do.

Part of the "we're so busy" is that we're in the throes of planning Dr's visits instead of the wedding because we found out a few months ago that he has a brain tumor. WTF right? Wtf. Total shock that definitely helps keep those "what should my bridesmaids' dresses color be" dilemmas in check but it also put all planning on hold for a few months. Weeks and weeks into this stuff and we are feeling good about his ability to kick this shiz, we're optimistic like that, and both agree the show will go on with the wedding on the date as planned. At last the point: because of the crazy medical issues that arose, and needing to put those at the forefront of our attention we have seriously slacked on planning the wedding and I'm now beyond stressed.

Biggest obstacle: help us find good tunes to make this party a celebration of LIFE! LOVE! JOY, and that we even get to HAVE this day together. We're in the market for:

- DJ to spin tunes at the reception, preferably for no more than $1000. Wedding is at 4ish on Montauk, reception follows 6-11 or so in Bridgehampton*

Also would LOVE recommendations on:

- cheapish rehearsal dinner ideas in Montauk for about 30 people ($50 a person ideally)

- hair/ makeup people for 3-8 people (still seeing who wants this but at least it would be 3 people) who would be willing to come to Montauk and would be ok with $100 for the bride and closer to $50 per bridesmaid/mother/etc.

- sexy but tasteful stark white dress I can dance in at the reception, ideal price is like $30 but I'd go up to $100 if it's awesome and re-wearable. My dude is into my arms so a halter would be good.

We're paying for the wedding and on a budget, everyone's favorite word. We are super creative fun people but feeling totally drained and not able to make this party the awesome shin-dig we'd love it to be, to celebrate the once-in-our-lives gathering of our favorite people with. The above are the broad strokes of what's missing to make this happen. Any other recommendations would be super too...

I'm attaching my dress which I got from Bridal Garden in NYC (which I highly recommend... it's a thrift store/ sample store all in one and I combined 2 dresses for half of the price of a retail dress) in case that helps? Or maybe just because I love it, despite how it is so traditional and far from what I thought I'd want, which is why I think I'm jonesing for a shorter-funkier party dress if I start tripping all over it.

Thank you thank you thank you...

*Oh and for the record I feel like I have to make a disclaimer: I have a very generous colleague who scored us a deal on our venue as a thanks for some of that hard work, as we are very far from "hamptons" types, which is part of why I'm having a hard time finding some of these elements that will make it "us" or "us on a sojourn in the hamptons..."

*****

FWIW, I don't think you need a second dress. You look so gorg in the first one, why not wear it for as long as you can??

 ♥

Dear ESB: Please do the icky part for me.

I'm getting married in September 2012 in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. The ceremony is going to be on the beach. I am having about 100 guests (I think) and am having a lot of trouble figuring out the reception. This is a budget wedding, I want good food, laid back reception. No banquet halls, restaurants are looking expensive...any ideas? Looking forward to your guidance

*****

ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS?

I'm not a fucking wedding planner.

Photo: Poppy Delevingne via WHOWHATWEAR via Kelly Edmonson

I WANT TO GO TO THERE

Instead I'll have to make do with a nap.

I've been up since 6am pst FOR NO REASON I CAN COMPREHEND. Just yesterday I admitted to myself, "I think I've turned into an Angeleno." But does this mean I'm gonna start waking up that bloody early ALL THE TIME??

I haven't gotten anything DONE. I've just been diddling around, pinteresting and godknowswhatelse for the past 6+ hours.

Jeezus.

Photo by Jacinda Russell and Nancy Douthey posted here with their kind permission (via Claire Cottrell)

We want to wear our rings RIGHT NOW

Hi!

My man and I are picking up our rings this week and we love them. We want to wear them right now. But the wedding is in November.

I've heard some cultures (Scandinavians?) have a tradition in which the bride and groom to-be wear their wedding bands on their right hand until the wedding, and then during the wedding ceremony they switch the rings to their left hands. This is what we're thinking of doing.

What do you think? Will that kill the mood on the wedding day? Should the rings be "sacred" and not taken out of their box until the big day?

Thanks!

*****

TOTAL BUZZKILL.

Why don't you wear your wedding dress out to the bar while you're at it?

(Image from papiermache via PAPERFASHION via Pennyweight via les zigouis)

(Bummer. I guess I have to pay for the font to get the B.)

Someone should really use Botanica Caps for a wedding invitation, no?

Splurge on pretty + scrimp on the reception?

dear esb,

There's something in the water in west Australia at the moment, I've been to seven weddings already this year, and another of my closest friends just got engaged, and being the super organised type A personality that I am, I've been hired as de facto wedding planner. This is all wonderful, I'm happy to help, I love her etc.. but I've hit an area where I'm a bit out of my depth / could you use some advice/backup.

The couple are living in england, but are getting married in perth (they're both natives). So, they're on a pretty tight budget once you factor in their airfares, and the fact that they don't want to spend gazillions of dollars one day. My friend wants to splurge on her dress, the videographer (a peculiar expenditure, but this guy is amazeballs) and general 'prettiness.' She wants to scrimp on the reception, but still have an awesome party, and still have it look pretty and romantic. (not really scrimping, more just keeping cost per head down because they're expecting about 200 people)

She's also over the whole sit down at designated seats thing, as she thinks it's been done to death, and it doesn't promote interaction between guests. In fact, the only downside she sees to not having a sit down is that she can't strategically seat her single friends next to each other (her own words). So I suggested to her that they have a cocktail reception instead... food costs less, people mingle a lot, you need fewer decorations, and it is more conducive to that 'party!' vibe she seems to be wanting.

But then, my friend raised the concern that people secretly hate cocktail receptions (and this is where I need advice). Do people feel ripped off that they don't get a proper meal? do they feel like it's gauche to not have a full meal with two hours of speeches and alcohol by table service? Do people get annoyed at the fact that they have to stand up for five hours or so (there would of course be some chairs, but everyone knows they are monopolised by the over 65 crowd pretty early in the evening)? Nice people aren't likely to say anything about it, just whimper softly and shift from stiletto clad foot to foot.. but will they secretly be really pissed if it's not your typical wedding reception sort of gig?

Any advice you can offer would be absolutely grand!

Love,
Amateur Wedding Planner

Oh, PS: one last question.. there is an 95% chance that at the time of the wedding, the temperature will be upwards of 95F... this is fine for us perth locals, but is it likely that people coming from an english winter will be able to tolerate this, or should my friend try and find indoor reception/ceremony venues? I know you're not english... but it's pretty cold in some parts of america, right? (:

*****

Designated seats are "done to death" because they WORK. Old people and pregnant people and SHY PEOPLE don't have to fucking MINGLE like CATTLE with two hundred fucking people they don't know, and you can seat the bride's dad across the room from the groom's mom, who he can't stand.

And yes, you get to seat your single friends next each other. ORGANIZED MINGLING. Much more civilized.

p.s. 95 degrees is way too fucking hot.

Wild Clematis Flower Crowns by Amy Merrick via Anabela Carneiro via Catbird

Take Sunset

You may or may not have noticed that I have a new sponsor.

Take Sunset is a site focused on "real estate, architecture and things to do in los angeles," and the proprietors have excellent taste.

For example. Did you know that Claire Vivier and jewelry designer Kathryn Bentley just opened a teensy, gorgeous new store in Silver Lake?

Or that Heath Ceramics makes house numbers?

Me neither.

I also had no idea how many bungalows there are for sale on the east side. I just hopped over to the Take Sunset blog to pull a few images for you guys, and I spent two hours shopping.

Quick question: Is it legal to style an east-side garage with a surf board? Should I be embarrassed that I kind of fall for it?

Photos 1 + 4 from Rob Kallick's listings at 1330 North Coronado and 1310 Mohawk Street in Silver Lake/Echo Park.

all right, I'm calling it.

Dudes were all over the map at the beginning, but the MAN POLL: Should your lady rock a caftan? results have been holding steady at 60% Drum Circle/40% Hell Yes since I went to bed last night.

That was thoroughly entertaining. We will clearly have to do it again.

What should my viking wizard officiant wear?

My wedding is in November. I am having my best friend of over 20 years get ordained so she can marry me and my FH!

Problem is I have no idea what she should wear? She describes herself, and I quote, "I AM A PRIESTESS..., viking wizard, spiritual warrior, breakbeat loving yogini, tribal queen." Yes, this is her description on her blog. She is amazing and beautiful, I just can't have her show up in an outfit she would wear to Burning Man. Although if we were getting married out there, I would love whatever she wore. I need your help here-PLEASE!

Thank you ESB!

*****

Would a caftan be too Burning Man?

Photo: Carmen Freudenthal + Elle Verhagen courtesy of Dazed and Confused

MAN POLL: The Caftan

This poll is for men only.*

If you see a man in the vicinity, please drag him over to your computer and make him vote.

Butterfly Caftan by EmersonMade
______________________________

*We'll just go ahead and assume that women who like women will like the caftan.

tiny polka dot band

omgeee!

satomi kawakita at catbird

hello, RAD bridesmaids' dresses

Hand-painted silk shift dresses by Rachel Rose.

Via holli kristina via lauren

in case you needed MORE UGLY HATS

This slideshow, with analysis from a millinery expert, is hilarious.

The expert says Kate Middleton's hat "looks like a potato chip — that's the only problem." But she thinks "a lot of thought went into making it not look like a flying saucer."

Photo: Anwar Hussein/WireImage; Indigo/Getty Images. Via kidchamp

And the bride wore.... A HAT?

Dear ESB,

I've been going back and forth on whether I should wear a hat at my wedding in September, and now is the time to decide. On the one hand, wide-brim hats make me feel instantly glamorous. On the other hand, I don't want to look like I'm emulating Fergie's daughters (or the royal wedding in any way).

In the end, the practical consideration that trumps trendiness is that the wedding will be held outdoors at 4 p.m. in early September -- and I have this problem where if I'm out in the sun for any amount of time without a hat in the summer, I get a migraine. So basically, I need to set up a tent or shaded arbor, carry a parasol, or wear a hat.

Here is my dress. I'd like a hat that serves its core hat purpose (not some silly fascinator), but is a little nicer than your standard straw (though I have and love the purple one you can find in these pics). I'm thinking grey or silver, to match the dress's ribbons at waist and knee. I would be very open to color, but we don't really have wedding colors other than that the bridesmaids' dresses all have some green in them. Finally, I would rather not spend more than $200. I realize that this may be a fantasy, but do you have any leads?

Thank you!

*****

I really wanted to say don't wear a fucking hat. I mean. You're the bride. Make some SHADE for fuck's sake. Leave the hats to the quirky guests.

But then I remembered Bianca.

And so, with the help of the twitterverse, I looked at EVERY HAT IN THE ENTIRE INTERNET.

And I concluded that you really ought not wear a hat. They're all stupid ugly, and besides, if you use a hat to shield your face from the sun you'll also be blocking your face from your guests.

Make some shade. (Did I say that already?) Visit the ceremony site at 4pm a day or two before the wedding to see where the sun is falling and plan accordingly. There may already be a spot of shade you can set up the altar in.
______________________________

Fallback: This is the least worst thing I found in your price range, but unless you get something custom-dyed there's a pretty good chance it'll clash with your dress.

Please help me find a bathing suit!!

Dear ESB,

Next month, I'm getting married and going to South America for our honeymoon in the Andes mountains. This won't be a beach-y vacation by any means, but there will be some occasions to wear a swimsuit (hot springs, and maybe a pool).

I'm an athletic, hourglass size 10 - I am pretty comfortable in my skin and I'm not trying to find a suit that creates the illusion that I stopped drinking beer or eating pie after I got engaged (I did not).

Last spring, I bought one of those Jantzen vintage-inspired one-pieces thinking that hey, finally a suit for the busty pale lady with a small waist. But I bought it in turquoise (because that color was the most discounted) and I am pretty sure it reads matronly and not vintage-hot. Also, I had it hanging to dry in the bathroom and a girlfriend remarked on it and asked (innocently!) if my mom was visiting. I was crushed.

Can you help me out? I don't really care for precious details, no bows. And I would rather show my cellulite than wear a suit with a skirt on it.

Thanks!!!

*****

Feel like shopping, you guys?

Are there even any suits left now that it's August??

Photo: Jean Patchett by Serge Balkin for Vogue (1950) via myvintagevogue

I feel like I morphed into one of those girls...

Hey esb,

I'm tsk tsk-ing myself because I have yet to contact you about MY wedding details and/or conundrums.

I mean, hello you're the effing hbic when it comes to honesty/shaming, dispelling Wedding expectations and making sense of all the minutiae of pre nuptial Craziness.

I've been lucky to rely on my 2 bbffs, who have both gone down the aisle, for most things. I'm now 71 days (thanks silly knot ticker) from our day. I'm standing back all of a sudden and I'm surprised w how traditional I've gone w things. Like, I always imagined my wedding to be so out there or at least one of a kind... But I fear I got sucked into all the blogs and crafty diy madness that saturated the hipster bridal scene.

Anyways, is this a normal feeling? Have I had an overdose of wedding identity stress?

I feel like I morphed into one of those girls and i'm not just following my instincts. Months of looking at super staged, perfect wedding "inspired" shoots got to me.

I should just say fuck it to the "sparkler send off" and just offer explosive rats.

*****

first: delete your knot profile RIGHT FUCKING NOW. didn't i teach you better than that?

second: i think you'll regret it if you don't start following your instincts and let a few weird-y details in.

if not an exploding rat send-off, then what about found-object favors?

(Geneva Hopson via Arthouse at the Jones Center)

we're counting on you to be a tastemaker.

Illustration at top by Aleksandra Kopff 

What should Pasty Minnesotans do in LA? (WEST SIDE EDITION: Part 3)

This is it. Le Grand Finale.

THE BEACH.

And the next time a reader emails me to ask, "What should I do while I'm in L--" I'll have five (count em, FIVE) places to point her.

Here's Paige on Santa Monica + Venice, those neighborhoods you're actually thinking of when you think of capital-L capital-A:

In my opinion, the west side doesn't go east of the 405, but I have to cover the neighborhoods slighted in the previous posts. I'm breaking it down by location and categories for easy reference in case those Minnesotans can only hit up a few neighborhoods. All of these recs have been tried and loved by me and mine. 

Santa Monica

Eat.

Rustic Canyon for food and wine for foodies and winos.

The Original Father's Office for the blue cheese burger and draft beers.

Huckleberry for the excellent counter service salads, sandwiches, and baked goods.

Umami for the juiciest hamburger you will ever eat. (multiple locations in the city)

Bay Cities Italian Deli & Bakery - get The Godmother.

Tacos Por Favor that takes out Yuca's on the east side. 

Via Veneto for great Italian and romantic quaintness. 

Lares for tasty, sloppy Mexican food with a mariachi band.

Shutters for breakfast for WASPy Nantucket design and a view of the ocean. 

Santa Monica Seafood for oysters and oogling the fresh fish. 

Head up the PCH to Reel Inn for fresh fish cooked anyway you like it. 

Shop. 

Fred Segal. Look it up. 

Hennessy and Ingalls for art, architecture, and design books.

Arcana for more rare of the same. 

The 3rd Street Promenade for people watching and a smorgasbord of stores, all outdoors.

Peek for cute, beachy kids clothes. 

Only Hearts for sexy but comfortable lingerie.

Morgane Le Fay for fashionable dresses. [Editor's Note: And FABULOUS WEDDING DRESSES. Hello.]

Planet Blue for the likes of hip casual wear.

(Morgane Le Fay)

Do.

Beach.

Harvelle's for dive bar and live music.

Angel's Piano Bar and Supper Club for live music and good happy hour.

Farmer's Market on Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday. Every celebrity chef in town and best produce around.

Rent bikes at Ocean Park and cruise the boardwalk from SM pier to Venice pier. 

Brian Kest power yoga for a true SM workout, guru style. And it's by donation.

Venice

Eat.

Gjelina for wood fire oven pizza, amazing duck confit, great atmosphere, hipster waiters. 

Shima for sushi. This is a hidden gem with no sign. Modern interior, beautiful fish.  

Picollo for a romantic, alley-way dive. outstanding northern Italian

Jin Patisserie for macaroons, chocolate and fine tea cake. 

The Tasting Kitchen for specialty cocktails and gourmet Americana soul food.

Abbott's Pizza company - get the salad pizza.

La Cabana for amazing homemade tortillas, open till 3am. 

Mao's for their salt and pepper seafood. Great chinese long beans too. 

3 Square for brunch, get the fried avocado and pretzel rolls.

Abbott's Habit or Intelligentsia for coffee.

(Abbot's Salad Pizza)

Shop.

Basically, hit up Abbott Kinney.

Tortoise for amazing, curated, Japanese scultpures and tchotchkes.

Urbanic for cute paper goods.

Mollusk for surf design from your board to your britches. 

Undrest for jewelry, panties, and swimsuits.

El Vino for a wine tasting and good, cheap european wines.

A + R for contemporary objets.

Surfing Cowboys for California finds.

The Stronghold for custom made jeans and suspenders.

Linus Bike for just that.

Waraku for imported sneakers.

Gotta Have It Vintage for retro dresses.

Steven Alan for classic Americana.

Do

Speakeasy at the top of The Stronghold. 

Pick up cheap sunglasses, visit the skate park, and people watch at the boardwalk.

Visit LA Louvre and L&M Arts, both great galleries.

Poetry reading at Beyond Baroque.

Go surfing.

Walk the canals. 

Eat at some food truck that will be parked on Abbott Kinney.

(Venice Skatepark via The Landless Farmer)

Be sure to browse Part 1 + Part 2 of Paige's West Side guide.

Top Photo by Inez Van Lamsweerde & Vinoodh Matadin for Vogue Paris August 2011

Blog of the Week(ish): Tomboy Style

Am I a tomboy?

I've honestly never thought about it before. But all of this style is working for me.

Jacqueline Bisset (1967) courtesy of Mirrorpix/The Everett Collection, Joan Jett and Alexa Chung by Thomas Giddings

Seeking: A Not-Too-Girly Flower Girl's Dress

Hello

I am in need of some help! My wedding is in a month and i still have not found a flower girl dress. She's not really a flower girl, she's holding a sign that says "Here comes the bride." The problem is she is more of a tomboy and doesn't really like the dress I like. I'd rather put her in something we both like.

This is what i'm thinking of but she says it's too girly. Any suggestions?

*****

I have a radical idea. Why don't you let her wear PANTS?

Caramel Baby & Child has some cute trousers (see above).

And it turns out J. Crew is not a bad place to shop for girls' pants, which are not easy to find. There's a lot of legging-type bullshit out there, and there are jeans and there's some sweat-pant-y stuff, but there are not a lot of straight-up good pants. Even an 8-year-old needs good pants.

For the uber-tomboy, J. Crew even has a "borrowed from my brother" section. Which means they're listing the boys' clothes in the girls' section so you feel okay about buying them for your daughter/niece/flower girl. Hey, whatever it takes.