First off, I am a gigantic fan. Being a relatively newly engaged person, I find your insights and posts to be even more fun to read. So thank you for being awesome.
Secondly, and mostly why I am writing, I have a situation brewing that I could really use your/your reader's thoughts and opinions about....
My man and I have finally decided on a small wedding in the summer this year. We got engaged last July and after much hashing over, we decided we would do a small 4-day wedding gathering with immediate family (i.e. parents, step-parents, siblings, step-siblings) plus their significant others. Beyond this, we would each get to invite 5 other important people to us (plus ones). Here's where that gets tricky...
Our close friend, M, has a boyfriend who we just do not get along with. After months of a lot of drama with our friend, discussing both "sides" of the disdain, and fighting a lot, we (my fiance and I) have come to peace with the understanding that he thinks we are weird, or as he puts it "invasive", people and doesn't want to put in any effort getting to know us or spend time with us. We are hurt by this but our energy is better spend living our lives and enjoying each other/what we do have.
She has been my fiance's long-time friend. They dated forever ago (10 plus years ago but which stands to be a part of the reason he does not like us/want to spend time with us, he has major trust/jealously issues) and now both of us find ourselves in a very strange place. We definitely want her to present at our celebration. She is a person who means a lot to me, to us, and who I want to share this super exciting time with. But, I don't want him there. He makes me uncomfortable and I really want this gathering to consist of the people who support me and my fiance the most. People who will want to be there, too.
So, I wonder what your thoughts are? Do I have a direct conversation with her here and risk offending her completely? She understands we all don't get along but I don't want to make it worse... We haven't even begun to send invitations, etc. but I really wanted to get some fresh, outsider perspective from someone who knows what the hell she's talking about!
Yeah, I think you tell M upfront -- before you send the invitations -- "We really want to have you there, but Mr. Baby-Man isn't invited."
Keep in mind, there's a chance she'll skip the wedding out of loyalty to her boyfriend. So before you say anything, you'd better be sure that not having him there is more important to you than having her.
Images by Irina Werning (you have to check out the rest of her BACK TO THE FUTURE series) via VIVA VENA CAVA
p.s. We need an update from the bride who didn't want Mr. Conspicuous-Pot-Smoker at her wedding. Any chance you're still reading, lady?