I am having a LOT LOT of issues, so I won't blame you if you never get through this message. In fact, I kind of hope you don't read it even though i desperately do need advice. Apologies in advance for poor grammar, I'm in a tizzy that could very possibly be hormonal.
How do you know when it's time to throw in the towel and give up on having a wedding? Like, just fucking FORGET it 100%. I'm in the midst of planning a wedding to my angel boyfriend, W, of 12 years and I'm 31 years old. I feel like I'm too old to be having this fairytale gala event, but that's what the whole thing has turned into. The wedding is in W's hometown, where we currently live. I wanted to have it here, too, so that is not the issue. My parents are paying for everything and I basically have no limits as far as budget. It's every girl's DREAM! But it's my nightmare. My adorable angel of a fiancé has always dreamed of getting married at this one particular gorgeous hotel downtown, so I went down there and booked it the minute we got engaged and he told me that was his vision. The thing is that every single time I have to go do anything that involves the wedding, like renting linens or picking out and buying invitations, i get SERIOUSLY upset and it makes me sick to my stomach. I have to take a 48 hour break from even thinking about the wedding after every little meeting with the planner. I just think it's all such a waste. I'm really grossed out by how much everything costs and it makes me sad to interact with cheesy ladies who try to badger me into buying ugly ribbons and things like that. It upsets me on a core level. I know it sounds so smug and hipsterish, but I honestly do just want to donate all the money to charity. Ok so that's issue number one.
Issue number 2 is that I feel like a jerk for inviting all my amazing, sweet, lifesavingly kind gay friends to my wedding when gay marriage isn't 100% legal. I am also pretty worried that some of the old men from W's side will make sideways remarks about my gay friends, and it would REALLY upset me if that happened. I would cry for sure, and most likely commit an assault while wearing 20 lbs of silk organza. Not cute. As of now about 15% of the guests invited to this wedding are gay men, and I'm not sure that many of W's relatives from small towns have ever even met ONE gay person before. Much less a whole room of the best dancers ever. So there's that.
Now to top it all off this girl who is also friends with the few people from my hometown who i do still talk to just got engaged last weekend and apparently has now planned her wedding to be the same day as mine. It's causing everyone to freak out and call me and I have no response for them other than "I invited you first but do whatever you want". It still hurts my feelings, though.
Is all of this a sign that I need to just go elope and get it over with?
The only thing getting me through this is the thought of my dress, which I already bought at Oscar de la Renta and i do not regret THAT purchase one bit!
How do I put an end to this madness? I'm miserable and it's manifesting in my complexion.
Wear the dress.
Image via pretty.pretty.paper via abandunce via via via via SO MANY PEOPLE AND NARY A PHOTO CREDIT! I really respect the rules for crediting photos Chelsea has laid out here, and I always do my best to credit photogs (will now make an effort to credit stylists too!) but it's hard to resist posting a photo just because I don't know who took it... Maybe now that I'm "pro" I should hold myself to a higher standard?
**Update: The photo is Lara Stone by Mario Testino for Vogue UK May 2007**