My boyfriend and I are completely in love and totally different. I don't think either of us ever thought we'd end up with someone like the other. I consider walking down the aisles of organic co-ops the ideal all-day outing. He eats buffalo wings and enthusiastically dumps hot sauce over gourmet salads. He reads the Wall Street Journal; I read David Sedaris. He works in finance; I work in education. We agreed some time ago that we want to be together forever. It's beautiful, actually. Now all that's left are logistics.
We've gone shopping for rings a bit, and to no one's surprise we like very different things. I like handcraft detailing, antique, vintage looks, and appreciate the mysterious story, beauty, and consciousness of estate engagement rings. I don't care if a diamond has inclusions or is small or cut unevenly, as long as it has a personality. He likes clean lines, large solitaires and classic settings. He wants to be spendy and blingy; I find so many different types of rings at so many budgets beautiful that I would rather put the money toward a more bomb wedding, honeymoon, home etc.
We realized this during ring shopping, and recently he made it known he doesn't want me to know what's in the box at the end of the day. I get the sense that I'm being cut out of the process because he is overwhelmed by looking for what I'm looking for. I am afraid he is going to go into Tiffany's and spend 20K on a ring that someone else would love, when I would prefer a different one that is far, far less expensive. In fact, I know the jeweler he is working with can't produce the kind of ring I hope for. And as lovely as my beau is, he's unlikely to hit the mark without direct guidance from me, assuming that bigger = better (which is the preference of many, I know).
Some of my male friends feel that I've offered my input (more than some gals get to do) and now I must let the ring choice be his. They say we will undoubtedly make many financial decisions together down the road, but that this ring is a symbolic gift from him to me, and therefore he should pick it out and make the decision on whether he'd like info from me.
Any thoughts? Should I shut up or should I speak up again for my ring finger? I want this to remain an exciting and fun-filled experience for both of us but it sort of has the potential to make him feel like I don't trust him, or make me feel like he isn't trying to understand who I am--- it's a sparkly, small loaded trinket. Don't want to cramp his style, but pretty sure where this is headed...
As always, value your wisdom.
- One Half of The Odd Couple
Imagine the worst case scenario: a ginormous, UGLY rock. Would you be willing to wear it?
I mean, at that point, of course I WOULD, but... it would be an unfortunate miss (and not a cheap one or temporary one, either)
STAY OUT OF IT.
Once you've got a wedding band on your finger (which you get to pick out, b/t/w), you can retire the damn engagement ring to your jewelry box.
Image by Russell Leng via Design For Mankind