Dear East Side Bride,
Honestly, I NEVER ever thought I would be the one to write you.... I love your blog, don't get me wrong, but I just never thought I would be in the middle of any wedding related drama.
We are getting married in the fall in a really small wedding (45 people) on the east coast, which is halfway between my current home (and my man's homeland) in Europe, and my home state of California. When we started doing the guest list, it was really easy for me to be cut-throat and decide who I want to celebrate with, it will be a long weekend together and more like a vacation with a party rather than a wedding. So obviously only people I would want to spend a fair amount of time with. I came up with some arbitrary rule of "if they haven't spoken with me in the last six months, they ain't coming." I thought that seemed fair. and still do.
I live halfway across the world from my family and friends and most of my very tight knit group of girlfriends make an effort to stay in contact and updated on my life. There was one girl who I was very close with at different points in my life, but in the last 8 years have only seen on occasion, and are not really involved in each other's lives. She is the type of girl who constantly has a boyfriend and ditched my group of girls in high school when the first cute boy came calling and has really only made appearances when she is between relationships. I resent that.
ANYWAY, She was not included in the first list, and quickly after I got engaged she wrote me a facebook message with congratulations... but I still think that doesn't really count for my six month rule. I made this clear to my friends who talk to her, and was told she was crying after she heard the news because she was so happy... it seems really fake to me. None of my family or friends were emotional, and neither was I, so that seems like a heap of nonsense. We were home in California for the holidays and she accosted me and asked why she had not received an invite to the engagement party we were having, and I told her she was welcome to come if she wanted, and she did. She wasn't exactly nice to me, nor did she even say hello to my boyfriend at the party until the end. It was awkward.
Now she writes me a facebook message again asking when the date is because she needs to request the time off and buy her plane ticket. I was horrified. That seems wildly inappropriate to me, but maybe I am the bitch? I realize it is ONE person as I assume she would come alone, and it should not be a big deal. But i feel like she only cares because she wants to feel included, like it is some weird high school popularity contest. I am at a total loss and my friends are split on her being a crazy drama queen and her being genuinely happy for me. I am at a total loss here and could REALLY use some advice from you and your readers!!
A girl who HATES drama
p.s. we haven't even sent out invites yet. only save the dates, and I didn't mail her one. Because, I don't have her email, phone number or address.
I know this probably seems clear, I don't know if it is worth losing a friend over. or causing drama since we aren't close, but i kind of just think she is a bitch and will make this a much bigger problem than it is. I also heard she was upset that SHE is not the one getting married... since she has had so many boyfriends, and I have not, that she figured she would be the first.
HELP! I need perspective.
I almost put this up on mmohiac, what with the facebook messages and the crying and the friends taking sides, but you really don't need a thousand crazypantses weighing in. And anyway, I couldn't justify it. You know, since this girl is not your maid of honor.
AREN'T YOU GLAD SHE'S NOT YOUR MAID OF HONOR?
Don't invite her. Period. Done. End of story.
(Freja Beha Erichsen by Rafael Stahelin for Vogue Korea September 2010 via Paper Mode via Blushless)