Friday, December 2, 2011
The Pre-engaged...who need to grow a pair.
Dear East Side Bride,
You helped me solve this dilemma. (Thank you, the wedding is still on course for January and my niece will wear some sort of tailored pantsuit with... old school Air Jordans. Heels were Not Going To Happen.)
But now I write to you thinking-hoping-praying that you will tell me to grow a pair and speak up for myself before my own wedding shenanigans begin.
I am pre-engaged. Mr. Fabulous is one semester away from his masters degree and we plan to get engaged somewhere around graduation and marry shortly afterwards. So it's common knowledge that we are on a course for marriage. I dated a lot of losers previously, seriously *I* should start a blog. So I am ever so happy I met a man who makes me smile, all I want to do is marry the crap out of him and have his babies.
In my dating years I befriended a woman who had dated one of my exes. The dude is long gone, but we became friends. When she married her own Mr. Fabulous she asked me to be her bridesmaid and I said yes. Something I regret it, because even though I liked her I didn't feel I was a super-close friend worthy of being a bridesmaid. I just don't feel a closeness for her and most of the time I'm holding her at bay while she invades on too much of my life. She's moved in on making my friends her friends and I just allow it because it's easier to let her have her way than to say no. Last year she declared she was going to plan my birthday party, and yes I allowed it to happen.
There's this constant comparison thing she does that drives me crazy. When our mutual friend had a baby she asked "How many times have you seen the baby?" She compares our weight loss, our hair... (the last time I saw her she had cut her hair short and regrets it... so several times during the evening she kept touching my hair and admiring it. Really lady!!!??) She wanted to see pictures of men I dated and commented on if they were good-looking and asked about how much money they made. If it could be compared, she measures it. Perhaps the root of this is that she dated the same loser right after I did and he screwed her over several times in a year while I just dumped him after a few months.
With this new relationship blossoming I began to take inventory of my friendships and distanced myself from her. I did not want her involved with the details of how good things are going. She became Really Offended that she was not one of the first to meet my new guy.... and things got worse when I told her it was because I was not interested in getting her approval. (See? I can speak up sometimes.) We're on ok terms now, but I'm always doing my best to avoid seeing her and sharing too much with her. I don't want to hurt her but I really want to bail on this friendship.
Nutshell: she thinks we're besties, and we're not.
She asked if I was going to get married, and I answered her truthfully. Her next question, without skipping a beat "Can I help plan it?"
She's a powerful, bossy, get shit done kind of girl, and would most likely make a great planner/helper.... but I just don't want her involved.
Tell me how to maneuver this situation, and if you cuss a lot it would be really helpful. I like it when you do that.
Girl With No Cajones
Life is too short to waste ANY TIME hanging out with ANYONE you don't like.
We both know you've got a pair. So reach down, grab them, and tell this woman, "NO. Actually, Mr. Fabulous and I really want to plan the wedding on our own."
or "NO. I asked Ms. Somebodyorother to be my Maid of Honor, and you know how possessive she gets."
or "NO. YOU HAD YOUR TURN, BITCH."
Photo by Ezra Petronio for self service magazine