Thursday, December 15, 2011

Help me put a ring on it


Hey, ESB. 

I'm getting married next September and am having the ever-popular accessory dilemma. I'm wearing this dress, a David's Bridal original (hey, I embrace my inner cheap and trashy bride. Plus, it has pockets), and I'm replacing the plastic bling with a brooch of my mom's.

My mom died just as I started puberty, and I've had thirteen years to get used to this life without her. Wedding planning turns everything I've gotten used to on its head, and the day will be bittersweet in her absence. My future mother-in-law wants to do something special to recognize my mom's life--I've already vetoed an empty chair and a song in her honor--so I'm choosing to do so with my accessories (my mom had amazingly awesome accessories). 

I realllly want to wear her wedding ring, but I'll be wearing my engagement ring on my right hand and my wedding band on the left that day; my mom's ring only fits on my ring fingers, as I inherited her hands (and her laugh and the way she signed the "N" in our last name). The obvious answer is to wear the ring on a chain as a necklace, but I'm open to and hoping for suggestions. So, lay it on me, pretty please. 

Thanks!

P.S. If you have any ideas about some sort of hair something that's not a veil, I'd love to hear them, too. 

*****

Wearing your mom's ring on a chain around your neck makes the whole thing too much about her and her wedding ring when it should be about you and your wedding ring.

Either MAKE IT YOUR WEDDING RING (why wouldn't you? it fits!) or tie a blue ribbon around it and carry it in your pocket.

As for "some sort of hair something that's not a veil" -- YOU GUYS MAKE ME TIRED. You know that, right? I love you, but you make me so tired.

36 comments:

  1. Just keep your e-ring on your left hand and wear your mom's on your right hand.

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  3. I've been using old-lady clip-on earrings in my hair lately. Did your mom have old-lady clip-on earrings? Maybe not, but just sayin'.

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  4. I'm a woman whose mum died several years before my wedding so I empathise with your situation and did similar things to you. We didn't have any big displays (I also didn't want my stepmum to feel awkward) but I used some fabric with memories for bunting, a handkerchief of hers and a brooch on my bouquet.

    As for wearing her ring- if it's not a blingy wedding ring (and most older rings are not) why not wear it on your right hand with your engagement band?
    I think most women swap their engagement band back onto their left hand after the ceremony so this would leave your right hand with a special ring.

    My husband proposed using my mum's wedding ring so that became my engagement ring and my wedding ring(s) added the sparkle.

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  5. Do you plan to wear it on your right hand in the future (meaning after the wedding you'll put your ering on your left with the band)? IF SO: I'd swap it out for the day.

    IF NOT (if you intend to always wear your rings on separate fingers): I'd have it re-sized up to fit your middle finger. Then you could wear it on special occasions.

    IF NONE OF THIS SUITS YOU: I'd tie it to your bouquet (assuming you have one).

    LASTLY: don't wear anything in your hair (duh).

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  6. OH MY GOD, SHE DID THE DOUBLE LINKING THING AGAIN.

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  7. i like the idea of wrapping it around your bouquet. i had my bouquet wrapped with one of my late father's handkerchief's. however, if that is the route you take, i would also suggest removing it after the ceremony. you're not ALWAYS holding your bouquet, and her ring is not something you'd want to risk losing.

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  8. I like the ring on a chain round the neck idea.

    As long as it's not a massive-look-at-me-and-nothing-else chain I think it would work well with that dress and be a much better way to acknowledge her presence/absence than an empty chair or song.

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  9. Non-veil hair stuff: http://www.etsy.com/shop/luxedeluxe?section_id=7074608

    I wore this one and really liked it: http://www.etsy.com/listing/55757383/pearl-and-rhinestone-flower-hair-comb

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  10. I like the idea of sewing the ring into your pocket.

    Because you will be wearing a brooch on your dress, I wouldn't wear anything sparkly or brooch-y in your hair. I might opt for something simple and classic like this sweet little satin headband.

    @Celia - I noticed that, too, ha. Second offense. This could get good...

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  11. love the idea of sewing it into the pocket ! with blue thread. that way, you can hold it when you want to feel 'close' to your mother.

    and what about just wearing a simple ribbon headband in your hair ? or nothing at all. if you don't like the idea of a veil, you probably wouldn't be into, say, a crown. keep it simple.

    17 Beats

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  12. nicole read my mind ... i don't know how i missed that. last comment, promise.

    17 Beats

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  13. I wore an antique hair comb like this. There are often a ton of them on Etsy and Ebay, too. Personally, I hate the chain idea. Pocket or ON your freaking finger are the only two options as far as I'm concerned.

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  14. wear your mom's ring on your right hand. I'm assuming you'll only wear your engagement ring on a different finger for like five minutes (or however long your ceremony is). Then for the rest of the day it will all look normal (ie engagement ring and wedding ring on ring finger and mom's ring on right hand).

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  15. @17 beats: you literally had me laughing here all by myself with your double linking. thank you, i needed that this morning!

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  16. DO NOT put it on your bouquet! It is too special and anything could happen.

    How about actually using her ring *in* the ceremony as the one your husbs places on your left finger? Then after the ceremony when just you and your guy are alone for 2 minutes, have him put your actual wedding band on your left hand and move your mom's ring to your right hand after moving your e-ring to your left hand. Sounds complicated, but hope it makes sense.

    We are doing that with my great-grandma's wedding band--It is tradition in our family that all the women get married with this 100 year old ring and then swap it for our actual wedding band after the ceremony.

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  17. @Mouse has a great idea. Tie it into your bouquet. Or your pocket. Either way, you can reach for it to remember your mom, but you keep the hand jewelry all about you and your husband.

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  18. For my wedding I made silk hair flowers that I wore all night. I wanted a bird cage at first but when I tried it on with the dress at the first fitting, it seemed fussy. I just went with my flowers and they were amazing- got compliments on them all night.

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  19. Forgot to comment on the ring- I like the idea of tying it into your bouquet or stitching it into your pocket!

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  20. If you put it in your pocket or tie it into your bouquet YOU MIGHT LOSE IT. Ugh, that's a nightmare. Please don't do that.

    I don't quite understand why you wouldn't just wear it that day, as a ring. As someone else mentioned, you can get it resized to the finger you would normally wear it on. All these other ideas seem cute, but it's still a ring. Why wouldn't you just wear it as a ring?

    Also, 17 beats, you are my favorite. For ever.

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  21. @Celia @nicole should I have done something more dramatic?? oh well.

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  22. @Celia @nicole @17beats way bummed now that I killed the joke by deleting her comment. oh well.

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  23. I wore this same dress when I was married and loved the pockets. They are very deep and would nicely hold a ring. For security's sake, I do like the idea of sewing the ring in the pocket. I had a friend's bracelet in mine as my "something borrowed."

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  24. Sorry sorry, lesson learned! Old habit. Won't happen again!

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  25. My mom also died when I was a teenager. On the day of my wedding, my dad gave me her wedding band to wear on my right-hand ring finger. It made me very happy. Also, re:something not a veil.... I wrote into ESB with a similar dilemma and got a similar response. But it's okay, because the lady is so helpful in other departments, even if recommending alternative bridal head-wear is not her favorite thing to do. I took a lace applique from my mother's wedding dress, had a friend starch it and hand stitch it onto a pretty comb, and I wore it in my hair all day. Don't know if you have something like this to use, but feel free to steal the idea. It looked gorgeous, if I do say so myself.

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  26. UM dear Help Me Put a Ring on It and Anon 11:34, hasn't ESB's posted several times about non-veil hair things?!? Also I can't get wander the internets without being smacked in the face by wedding hair things all over the place. Sooo...I don't get you.

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  27. Do something subtle with it. Srsly.

    My mom died a year before the wedding. I used her brooches in my bouquet. And had a little sumthin-sumthin for her and others in the ceremony. THAT WAS IT ... until my dad mentioned her in his toast and I cried sad tears, which was not fun.

    YOU DON'T WANT TO CRY SAD TEARS. Don't put too much focus on it.

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  28. On my wedding day, I wore my grandfather's ring onmy left thumb. That's not an option for you (obviously), however I like the idea of wearing your ering and wedding ring on your left hand, and Mom's ring on your right.

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  29. My wedding day fell on my grandmother's 100th birthday. She had died years before so I was determined to wear her engagement ring on my right hand and had it repaired/sized to fit that finger. I just stacked my engagement ring on top of it and slipped it back onto my left hand right before I walked back down the aisle. They are totally different styles and metals and didn't match at all but it was real quick and I'm VERY SURE no one noticed but me. It's amazing all the little details you kill yourself over that no one notices at all.

    I wore a fresh gardenia in my hair. I had another one stowed away as back up but it was a chilly June gloom day and it held up just fine.

    If you wanna do some thing different Fancy has some fun hats.

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  30. if your mother's wedding band is not something that you'll wear regularly and don't mind "tweaking" it a bit perhaps you can do what i did with my husband's grandmother's ring: i had it made into a bracelet (with no major alteration to the ring itself) that i wore on my wedding day and quite often since then. i'm totally in love with the bracelet and wish i could figure out a way to post a photo (sorry). the gold band was left unmarked but a very delicate gold chain was soldered onto two opposite points on the outside of the ring. then halfway toward the clasp on each side of the ring is a small white topaz stone. it's simple, sexy and elegant and i wear it all the time, honoring it more than a ring that would have sat in a box. no?

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