Monday, December 14, 2009

Dear ESB: I was a total bitch

Hey there,

So i was just going through some of your old posts - I'm bored at work, and you always have rad pictures to entertain me - and I found
this one.

To begin with, my answer is "no i never thought about it, which I think is why it stressed me out to the nth degree trying to plan a wedding in 6 months".

But my question to you is about how you say in that post "But I definitely saw a side of myself that startled me on occasion." and what that means. Because that is how i think of my wedding planning and especially the week before the wedding. I made some extremely stupid decisions and acted completely out of character. (I was a total bitch.) And now that it's all over and 9 months have passed I still feel pangs of guilt about how I behaved.

For example, I was so stressed and overwhelmed and frustrated that it reached the point where my mother didn't even talk to me on the day of the wedding until right before the ceremony. And 2 weeks after the wedding my best friend said "you're so lucky i fucking love you so fucking much, because you were a fucking nightmare".

Is this what you meant, or similar to what you went through? And if so did you feel guilty after it all and how did you resolve it? I'm not assuming you were as bad as me.

Don't get me wrong, i loved our wedding, and from the moment after I took my first step down the aisle everyone, including me, had a huge amount of fun (i have photos to prove it, including heaps of my mum with a massive grin on her face).

I just feel a little sad about how much of a shit i was.




Hey lady,

I had more than a few moments I'm not proud of.

During the cocktail hour(s) I screamed WHAT ARE THOSE DOING HERE?! when I noticed that someone had "helpfully" brought bottles of water over from the rehearsal picnic and plopped them down on the bar. Obviously beverages were supposed to be drunk out of mason jars. (This was not the Speidi wedding, mkay?) A friend calmly stepped in and stashed the waters, though not before I tried to get behind the bar myself, nearly snagging my dress on a nearby bush.

I won't even go into the retarded fights H-town and I had during the planning phase.

But no, I didn't feel guilty about my behavior after the wedding was over. You shouldn't either. As a wise lady once told me, "Float it down the river of zen."

And maybe frame a photo of you and your mum from the wedding to give her as a christmas present. Preferably with one of those massive grins on her face.


Image from Ariana Page Russell's Skin series via me melodia


  1. Note to self: I should probs give MY mom a wedding photo. It has been a year and a half.

  2. i am still trying to think of a thank you gift for my parents...

    is there really anything that expresses enough gratitude for putting up with 11 months of wedding planning nonsense? and we managed to do it without any major fiascos! i think my parent's should be sainted.

    but a photo would be a very good place to start.

  3. i had a similar bar experience, but with straws. straws are for lemonade and iced tea only... GAWD-UH it's not rocket science!
    oh, and the fights. i'm almost embarrassed to admit this, but the biggest fight we have ever been in EVER, was about having the cake table inside or out. nasty, name-calling, screaming match. cake, ok? cake.
    i've got to say, the best part about being married is NOT having a wedding to plan.

  4. I gave my parents, grandparents, and wedding party photo albums of pics from the day (small paper, 10 photo albums for the party and more trad., bigger albums for the 'rents). they all tell me that they still enjoy looing through them often. of course, i never put together my own album and now that i have kids i probably won't until they go away to college :)

  5. i still maintain that all of my bitch moments were justified. and yet i regret them still.

    we're already at the point of laughing at the memory of those moments, though. they're hilarious in retrospect.

  6. I think it's fair to float it down the river of zen only after you offer an honest apology. You don't have carte blanche to trate people poorly, even ones who love you, even on your wedding day.

  7. Yeah, I agree with The Maiden Metallurgist in addition to ESB. I love the the floating down the river of Zen! But I also think a sincere apology to whomever you feel deserves one is in order as well. (Although perhaps this has already been done?) I'm sure it would be appreciated, even though whoever it is has doubtless already chalked it up to wedding craziness.

  8. that lady sounds like a hippie.

  9. I dunno. She has a really good haircut.

  10. thanks for this. it helps.

    It just so happens that my Christmas present to my Mum is a photo of us on the day! ha. tops.

    As for the apologies, I've tried, but most people get dismissive as if it wasn't a big deal.

    I guess all i can say is 'oh well at least I tried'


  11. I don't think I was a bitch about our wedding (I dunno, my loved ones may beg to differ) but I've been a bitch about plenty of other things before and the only way to stop feeling like shit about it is to apologise. It doesn't matter how long it's been (I apologised to my oldest friend last year for squirting her in the face with spray paint when we were 14. It was kind of unintentional but I still felt like a shit about it. It turned out she couldn't remember it ever happening. That helps with the guilt too. My point is, I would still be feeling horrible about it if I hadn't apologised for it, even is it was 9 years later)

    So, apologise, move on and I'm sure that your friends and family will be quite happy. Oh and even if they brush off your apology then you will still feel better. Promise.

  12. hmmm maybe thats a good new business idea:
    wedding planning yoga classes.

    to calm down all the stressed out brides to be and help their families.

    I think the idea with the picture for the mum, is great.
    Ans after that, Brigitta, you should really stop worrying about it.
    You are back to your beautiful best !

    (uhm Liv always went total retarded bitch when it came to our moving in together planning(( We are in LDR and now I will move to London.))

  13. I think everyone has a bit of bridal remorse for some reason or another. Mine happens to be that it's a year and a half later and I still haven't gotten crackalackin' on the albums for my more than gracious parents.... {ok I started a business, but c'mon}. want to avoid the continued guilt? I'd say get these puppies off your after-wedding to-do list asap.
    and remember- we've allll been there!

    BTW- Great post ESB!