I wrote to you a few months ago. You diagnosed me with "Post-Nuptial Know-It-All Syndrome" and I was cured that very instant. My friend is happily engaged and I am totally on board and happy about it. (and a little bit ashamed of my earlier behavior...).
But now... my own marriage is in trouble. Yes, Karma's a bitch...
My husband has a very stressful job, which he used to enjoy a lot. Until now. He lost a lot of weight from stressing and is always tired. If we meet up with friends that haven't seen him in a while, they all are worried. So am I. I thought he was just really stressed out about his job. But... he told me he is stressed out about everything. About life.
Before marrying we talked about eventually buying a house and starting a family in the not so far future. But the not so far future is happening now and he is freaking out. About buying a house. About having children. About marrying me. About everything. He doesn't know what he wants and he keeps telling me "he doesn't know whose life he is leading." He has no idea what he wants to do and is just really losing it.
With every inch of my body I want to hold him and tell him everything is going to be all right. This man has helped me through the worst time of my life and has been my rock. But now that he's in trouble himself he doesn't let me near.
My heart tells me to hang on to him and to be near him and to never let go. But my head tells me to keep my distance. To let him figure it out. If he wants to work out these issues alone, then I should let him do that. If he wants to stay married and work it out together, then let's do it! But if not... then not.
What should I do? Listen to the heart or the head?
Oh boy, marriage is not a walk in the park...
Lady, I am so so sorry you're going through this.
You have to let go. Give him space. (ALL THE SPACE HE FUCKING WANTS.)
Your husband seems to be having some kind of early-life crisis, and you can't help him through it. Not if he's telling you he's not sure he wants to be married.
Therapy might help. Meds might help. Quitting his job and moving to fucking Florida and becoming a surf bum might help. He needs to figure it out on his own.
In my experience, men take a lot of time to work through their shit. He'll either come back to you or he won't.... And that sucks. But clinging will only make you feel clingy and him feel suffocated.
Kelly Mittendorf by Tak Sugita for Razor Red Magazine via Fashion Gone Rogue