My longstanding boyfriend and I starting to discuss the realities of getting married in the foreseeable future. There are a lot of aspects to us getting married that fill me with joy and smiles and happy thoughts.
However, one of the things that slightly overwhelms me is the guest list. See, I'm adopted. I've been close to my biological mother and her family for about 10 years now. They are awesome and it is important to me that they be at my wedding if/when we have one.
The issue that stresses me out is my biological father. He's only been in my life for a few years. I contacted him in a "surprise! you have a 30 year old daughter!" kind of way (he didn't know about me). He's been enthusiastic about my presence in his life- but if we get married I don't know if I want him there. He's such a nice man and he and his extended family have been so welcoming to my presence. Still- I'm not that close to them, he and my birth mother haven't seen each other since the drunken night of my creation, and when my boyfriend and I get married I don't want my wedding to be "about" all of these biological/adoptive relatives meeting each other for the first time.
I feel like he would be absolutely crushed not to be invited, and it feels like a douchey thing to do, especially when I kind of uprooted his emotional life in the first place by making contact with him. He also has a 5 year old son who I've met a few times and who I adore, which makes the thing even harder.
I don't want my wedding to be awkward and stressful on myself, my birthmother, my parents, etc. I don't want to be worrying about this man being around and having to make awkward emotionally loaded small talk with him at my wedding. I also don't want to deeply hurt someone who, you know, made me.
Do I just suck it up and invite him trusting that everyone will be kind and polite to one another for my sake? Do I adopt (heh) the "it's our day" mentality and just don't invite him if it's too much of a pain?
BF and I both definitely want a wedding ceremony at my parents house with friends and family, so no eloping or city hall. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Lots o' Parents
I'm surprising myself a little with this one, but I think you should invite the guy.
Photo by Vincent Lappartient for Dazed and Confused