Monday, June 25, 2012

My wedding day was kind of miserable

I don't know, ESB, this one might be too depressing for wedding horror story week.

My wedding day was kind of miserable. It is an experience that I would prefer to forget. The good news is I love my husband and I love being married. So perhaps the end justifies (or at least makes more bearable) the means?

My mother was an emotional wreck the whole day of my wedding. It started when I was taking pictures with the bridesmaids and groomsmen before the ceremony. I had to ask her to move to a different spot because she was in the picture. She ran to the bathroom crying. About 15 minutes before I walked down the aisle, my step-father cornered one of my bridesmaids and asked her to tell me that my mother was upset and that I should console her. My whole family is very passive-aggressive and avoids confrontation. Luckily my bridesmaid refused point blank to do this. She had my back.

As we were lining up to walk down the aisle, my mother was visibly upset so I pulled her aside and asked what was wrong. She started crying and told me "You haven't taken one picture with me yet, not one!" (insert foot stomping here). I told her that we were doing family pictures after the ceremony because we ran out of time before. This wasn't very consoling to her. I didn't know what else to do so I gave her a hug and said "I love you mom, I don't want you to be sad. I promise we will take a lot of pictures after the ceremony." She was still not pleased. I learned much later that she spent the whole ceremony with a stony, sour expression on her face. I'm so thankful that I couldn't see her while the ceremony was taking place.

After the ceremony, while we were taking family pictures, my mother was MIA. She was found crying in the bathroom again. Her behavior took me completely by surprise and I spent a good portion of the wedding worrying about her and trying to get her to have some fun. My attempts were futile. I was so anxious I barely had a drop of alcohol. In the meantime, my husband proceeded to get drunk. He wasn't the only one; by the end of the wedding his friends were completely sloshed, which I think was a bit of a shock to my very conservative Christian family. The minute the reception was over my mother went to the car without saying goodbye and insisted on leaving immediately, even though there were a few things I needed her help with. After everything was sorted and we were ready to go, I had a hell of a time getting my husband into the car. Once we got home, he passed out on the floor, halfway under the bed as he tried to get our cat to come out and play. I deiced to leave him there and go out for drinks with my bridesmaids. I needed it.

On the bright side, my bridesmaids were the best. They were extremely supportive the whole time and helped me have some fun amidst all the crazy. They made the ordeal survivable. And the pictures from the event are incredible, so there is that. I can console myself with the fact that at least my wedding LOOKED like it was perfect.

If I had it to do over again, I would elope. Probably in an exotic location. I would bring only my bridesmaids and my photographer with me. And I would match my husband drink-for-drink so that at the end of the night, he would have to carry me home.

20 comments:

  1. Wow, what a brat! You'd think the MOB could manage to put her feelings aside and put her daughter first for one day. On the bright side, this makes me EXTREMELY thankful for my mother, who I know would never pull a stunt like this.

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  2. weddings make mothers crazy--ass-bitches. Mine hasn't forgiven me for a whole heap of shit I did and didn't do around my wedding. Which was news to me (4years later) as she seemed to have a pretty great time on the day. I telling you, CRAZY.

    I'm sorry your wedding day was miserable. Thank fuck for your amazing bridesmaids, I'm glad they were there for you.

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  3. I feel your pain on this one. I watched my mother behave the same way years ago at my brother's college graduation - her breakdown was because my brother got his diploma right after the ceremony (as instructed) rather than seeking out my mother to thank her.

    The results were the same - hiding, hysterical crying, refusal to listen to logic, absolutely inconsolable.

    I've been hoping that she won't pull something similar at my wedding in a few weeks, but the likelihood is reasonably high.

    I WILL match my fiancee drink for drink, though. Come hell or high water.

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  4. Oof this sounds awful. Just absolutely no excuse for that kind of behavoiur. BUT, I'm always hearing stories about crazy/bitchy bridesmaids, so I'm really glad your ladies stepped up and gave you a good time!

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  5. Moral of the story: Drink more. Your husband had the right idea. ;)

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  6. Woo. Remind me to have bridesmaids.

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  7. I hear ya. Moms can do weird shit when it comes to weddings. My mother angry-sobbed the whole day before my sister's wedding. Luckily for me, she angry-sobbed when I told her I was engaged and more or less was alright after.

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  8. Oof, how awful! I think some moms get an idea that the day is all about them, the mother of the bride? I don't know. My mom picked a fight with my dad's girlfriend at my sister's wedding and made her cry, which was fun. Meanwhile, I was married in Oct and she's currently not speaking to me right now for some reason so I'm wondering if I'm being punished for some offense I don't know about.

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  9. Reading this, it irks me that your groom opted to drink himself into oblivion and leave you to herd him around / clean up? Would've been nice if he'd had your back.

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    1. So glad you pointed this out. Had me the same thought.

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    2. Yes! If I wind up (not likely, but possible) dealing with family drama all night, fh had BETTER be helping out!

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    3. This. Oh man, there would be Serious Discussions about this.

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  10. my husband probably feels your pain. i- as he says- was "calling dinosaurs" 1 hour into the reception... the next day my mom was cleaning the bathroom & yelled something about "ASS HAIRS!" on the back of the toilet. i guess i had ripped my fake eyelashes off & left them where i lay.

    oh boy

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  11. That has to be hard to deal with a parent who can’t understand the bride’s OWN stress on the day of her wedding. The mother obviously felt left out, not just in terms of the wedding, but scared she was losing her daughter to her new husband and friends. And it seems like in some ways she already had, since the daughter’s priority was to take photos with her friends before her family. It seems like the daughter did everything she could to console her mother, but maybe the relationship was already fragile. It’s unfortunate that such a special day was so miserable, and I hope it hasn’t ruined their relationship.

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    1. "And it seems like in some ways she already had, since the daughter’s priority was to take photos with her friends before her family."

      Wow, judgy. I don't think this girl did anything wrong here.

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    2. not only that, but there are so many factors that go into timing of pictures. we did wedding party pictures before family pictures so that family didn't have to get to the venue quite so early -- this could have been meant to be very considerate. and regardless, this mom wanted the wedding to be about her, because it inherently would not be, there is nothing the daughter could have done to control her mother's tantrums.

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    3. yeah I wouldn't be so quick to judge either, it's often easier to do some pics before the ceremony and ALL the family pics after the ceremony when everyone is in the same place.

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