Sunday, July 7, 2013

I have failed you.

I meant to be sarcastic about the damn sequin dress.

My first draft read something like WHAT ARE YOU CIRCUS PERFORMERS? ICE DANCERS?? / I don't know how to help you.

But then I found the Reese photo, which led to the (much too subtle, apparently) elephant joke, and also I found that fucking Free People dress, which seemed like exactly what the OP was looking for.... But it's not my job to give you what you think you're looking for. It's my job to give you what you NEED.

You do not need to wear a skating dress in a wedding. Not even if you're The Dream Team.

Sooooooooo. I will go back to recommending sack dresses or whatever and stop fucking pandering.


ondria hardin by paolo roversi for dazed & confused july 2013 via Enid Hwang


  1. sparkles > sacks

  2. THIS! (except for the 'failed you' part)

    we love you because we expect the snark. particularly when sequins are on the table.
    we love you for NOT being in favor of ice dancing outfits. ever.
    bring on the sacks and down with the indulging of the Dream Teams of the world.
    Dream Girls (I mean Team)

  3. to be fair most of the peanut gallery (see what I did there?) jumped right on board with the sparkles and sequins.. and there were some killer dresses .. maybe not for a wedding, but for swanky cocktail parties

  4. Yeah, you can't wear a sexy, sparkly cocktail dress when the bride is wearing essentially a plain white maxi dress. Well, you CAN, but it will look like you were supposed to show up for a totally different wedding. Something simple and a little beachy would be a better match.

  5. Dudes, why ya'll gatta be so judgey? Who among us didn't think THIS!
    was the pinnacle of grace and femininity back in the day? I say go for it shiny-disco-ball-dream-team. You do you.

  6. we know how i feel about sequins.

    1. I think we do. All sequins, almost all the time.

  7. No failures at all. It's entertaining to have a post or two as a thought experiment. Dress challenges can come in all sizes, including a circus theme, especially when it's up to someone else to bring on the show...

  8. OH. That was sarcasm?

    1. Thank god.
    2. It totally didn't read.

    Maybe you do need to go back to just shouting at people.

  9. In retrospect, I guess the absurd name of the dress should have been a clue that your post was in jest. "Shimmy Shimmy Party Dress," heh.

  10. you didn't fail *me*. i totally got the elephant joke, and it was a good one.

  11. I was about to say (!) -- that didn't look like the kind of dress you'd usually recommend.