Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Inapropro Bridesmaid


Hi ESB-

So, I told all of my bridesmaids to just wear a black dress for the wedding to keep things simple (and so that they could wear the dress again). Also, we are all New Yorkers and black is kind of our uniform. This morning one of my bridesmaids sent me this, and asked my opinion.

Now, I'm no prude, and I want my girls to feel beautiful, but we will all be taking family photos (including my 95-year-old grandpa), and the ceremony is not going to be at a club- it's a garden wedding at 5pm at an antique-but-formal estate in upstate New York. I picked the only 3 dresses without cut-outs to send her, and am hoping for the best. 

Am I crazy? Or are these kind of sexy for a wedding? Which would you choose?

-Hoping grandpa doesn't have a stroke

*****

How old is your bridesmaid? FIFTEEN??

Call me a pissy thirtysomething, but none of these dresses are appropriate for a wedding.

Images courtesy of Nasty Gal

48 comments:

  1. Just to reassure that these are inappropriate; when I clicked the link while at work the filter (baracuda) blocked it as porn. Just saying.

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    1. That's what the bride should have said!! "I couldn't follow the link. Did you send me PORN?"

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  2. Maybe this was a joke? I mean the link is called Nasty Gal.

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  3. and she wasn't joking? yikes! not appropriate.

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  4. Anything named "Nasty Gal" should be banned .... your bridesmaid can be a porn starlet, hoochie mama, skank, sleaze, harlot or whatever else she wants to be on another day.

    This is a wedding, not an audition, nor a contest for who can look fast/cheap/easy/horrifying.

    And that you even chose from the options is pretty damn scary. Who's driving the bus here?

    Please send your bridesmaids some links that clearly define "appropriate" and what you would like to see at your wedding.

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  5. Thanks guys. I love this blog. Y'all make this process so much more amusing. (And no, she wasn't kidding)

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  6. Those are some skanky dresses! But the "hashtag sweetheart dress" might be okay.

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  7. agreed Vanessa, the "hashtag sweetheart dress" *might* be the only acceptable dress for a wedding in the bunch.

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  8. what are you talking about? this one is totally fine.

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  9. What even is that site? A ModCloth for those who prefer "put a cutout on it" to "put a bird on it"?

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  10. Is it a nightclub wedding in Vegas?

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  11. Let her pick which ever one suits her fancy, and then tell her the wedding is a week later than it actually is.

    i can't believe the website is called NASTY GAL.

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  12. I see a pattern arising, it always seems that those who ask their bridesmaids to choose a dress always end up with either:

    a) bridesmaids squabbling over who will look the prettiest
    b) bridesmaids can't make up their mind
    b) bridesmaids picking out dresses you don't like

    Pick a nice black dress for each of them, tell them you've found one you really like so their dress is sorted and tick it off your list.

    I say this now (with respect of course) because it's pretty obvious your bridesmaid has not got a single clue.

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    1. Hah, fuck, now it looks like I don't know the alphabet.

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  13. You are being a gracious and reasonable bride by telling your BMs they can wear any black dress they choose. Therefore, you are still being gracious and reasonable if you veto dresses they choose that are wildly inappropriate. Send her a few links to dresses that you actually like that you think she may as well (not from a site that can be mistaken for porn) and maybe she'll get the hint. I'd say also tell all the BMs that you'd like to have ultimate veto-power over their dress choices--still gracious and reasonable!

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  14. Maybe she's been watching too much Son's of Anarchy? This looks like the guest list at Opie's wedding.

    Really though, even the 3 slightly decent dresses from that site are still either skanky short or skanky tight. Maybe she's joking. One of them found the site then they all passed it around with a "let's mess with her a little!" message.

    I would have pretty much ignored her link and replied with a link to another site w/ better options.

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    1. should i be watching that? somebody told me to watch that.

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    2. You should watch it. Drea de Matteo and Katey Sagal! Complex lady characters! Hot scuzzy bikers!

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    3. Uh yes, you should all be watching. I have like.. borderline inappropriate feelings for/crushes on Jax and Opie and should probably stop watching because I find myself totally being all "yeah I could live this lifestyle!"

      Bottom line - SO GOOD

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    4. DVDs ordered on the strength of these recommendations...

      Though it'll take a lot of hot scuzziness to change the fact that Charlie Hunnam is and will always be Nathan in Queer As Folk to me.

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  15. Replies
    1. ^ this is how my reply email to her would have started & finished

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  16. oh man, I really needed a laugh this morning. this was perf.

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  17. i don't hate nasty gal. in the depths of a desperate internet search for a "different" dress i've been known to cruise their site. but NEVER for a 5pm garden wedding, those dresses aren't even close to appropriate.

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  18. Okay, so these dresses are cray cray. But are they similar to things your bridesmaid usually wears? Did you foresee her picking something like this? Or is this totally out of left field for her?

    What I mean to say is, I am also letting my bridesmaids wear whatever they want-- not even limiting them by color. And I know that doing so is giving them the authority to pick something THEY like, which in some cases, will not be something I like. I have one bridesmaid with a much different fashion sense from mine-- I would not often emulate her fashion choices, but I understand that they are HER choices. So she will probably pick something that she loves and which makes her feel great and even if it is a burlap sack (not out of the question for this one) I will probably be too busy/happy getting married to care one way or the other.

    I'm just saying that you can dress your bridesmaids or tell them to dress themselves. But I'm not sure you can tell them to dress themselves and then dictate their choices, even if they are bizarre. Granted, she's asking for your opinion, so I guess its fair game, but maybe let her wear the cray cray dominatrix dress if that's what blows her skirt up?

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    1. I had the same question. Does this woman normally wear cut-out sheer dresses? If she does, then you should have anticipated this before giving her carte blanche. Props to her for asking for your feedback-- speak up and tell her exactly what you want, or give her a shawl for the day-of.

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  19. And this is why I had my sister/MOH choose the bridesmaid dresses. This is the type of thing that my SIL would have chosen for herself. And no, she's not 15.

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  20. My first thought was that she was joking.

    I had a very relaxed wedding, and asked my friend's son to be the ring bearer. When my friend (his mother) asked me what he should wear, I sent her a picture of the most horrendous little boy outfit - it was a 70's aberration in brown with a frilly yellow shirt and long socks... She said she had to check with her co-workers to make sure it was indeed a joke. Then she called me to make sure.

    In one hand, people sometimes lose all common-sense when it comes to a wedding (which seems to be the case with your BM). In the other hand, people who are taking the whole thing very seriously can sometimes not get the joke...

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  21. Unless you're getting married in a nightclub, music thump thump thumping around you, a dress from a site called "Nasty Girl" is not appropriate.

    I told my 2 bridesmaids to wear whatever they wanted to my garden wedding (just no red, orange or yellow) - they both ended up lovely wearing black dresses. It's as if we'd planned it! Everytime I read this blog I realize how lucky I was.

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  22. Cannot believe a clothing company snatched up that domain name before a porn site got it.

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  23. Only if they walk down the aisle to this.

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  24. Collectively, they look quite inappropriate, but I think there are a few really pretty ones! Like this one, for example

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  25. My goodness, did you look at the swimsuits?! You can have a lion one piece for only $315! But the intimate section is surprisingly tame.

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  26. I'd email her back and say, "I'd love to see the matching skirts with these tops."

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  27. For everyone who adorably thinks Nasty Gal is a niche pornwear site... yes, not untrue, but you'll be pleased to know it's also the fastest-growing retailer in the country.

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  28. I see two of Stevie Nicks' nightgowns, and two streetwalker dresses.

    So, no.

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  29. The BM asked for your opinion, so you get to say no.

    Really, was that hard?

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