Tuesday, September 4, 2012

If I invite The England Sister do I have to invite The Heroin Sister?

Dear East Side Bride,

I am in a pickle.

An old high school friend told my older brother that if she was invited to our wedding then she would POSSIBLY come. She lives in England. So when I was making my guest list, I was for sure she wouldn't come because it's so far. HOWEVER, their parents are invited to the wedding because they are family friends.

I would just add her and wager that she wouldn't come after all (we don't have a ton of space for extra guests) BUT the truth is that back in the day, her sister and I were closer. The sister became an on and off heroine addict. And we haven't really been in touch since very much. So, I don't feel super cozy adding in the England sister without adding the heroine sister. Because quite frankly, I don't want a heroine addict at my wedding. And what if they make a whole family vacation of it.

Can't I just pretend my brother didn't tell me this and that the parents are the family representatives?

What do you think?


If only she were a "heroine" addict. How much more palatable that would be....

Listen, I don't get this thing where you guys invite people you don't rly WANT at your wedding because you're betting they won't make it.

Only invite the people you actually want to hang out with.

Stella Tennant & Marte Mei van Haaster by Mario Testino for Vogue UK September 2012


  1. I don't get the whole string of "what ifs" ... what if the heroin sister cleaned up her act? What if the sky is falling, Chicken Little?

    What ESB said, including 'heroine'.

  2. i am a heroine addict too! joan of arc is my fave!

  3. eh, i'm more into genderless talking animals.

  4. I'm over all these super hero blockbuster movies. It's time for some heroine!

    But don't invite either sister. Their parents, the actual family friends, are invited. That's more than enough. AND IF their parents are like, "oh what about so and so?" You politely say, "i KNOW! I would have LOVED to have invited them, but there was a guest count limit. Send them my best!"

    Pretend you ever heard anything from your brother.

    1. YUP do this... same goes for those weirdo people who automatically invite themselves to your wedding when they find out you're engaged... "OH so sorry, we're just having a really small wedding and we both have big families to invite."

    2. Precisely. We invited a few "Oh they'll never come, they're going on a vacation during that time anyway" And they canceled their vacation to come. So not all guests are the same, but if you're hesitant, Just leave them off, and say:

      "It's a small, family wedding". The end.

  5. Definitely don't invite either sister. Just because you were close in high school doesn't mean you get invited to the wedding. Hell, I didn't invite people who I was close to in college unless we were still in touch or I really wanted to spend time with them.

    I like Anon 9:36's idea for responding to the parents if they ask whether their daughters are invited. It's polite, but leaves no room for discussion. You may also want to share that response with your parents because these family friends might ask them first (it happened to me, and my MIL was a total pushover about it, which really pissed me off).

  6. The lady who posted this comment deleted it for some reason, but I'm reposting b/c I think it's good:

    "The guests you invite assuming they won't come are the ones that end up coming - OR they will RSVP yes and cancel at the last minute, which is way worse."

    1. YUP! My sister had this happen to her both a month after RSVPs were due and the weekend before her wedding. WTH is with people! It's like NYE plans, everyone waits for a better offer to come along.

  7. Unrelated. That picture is what I imagine The Night Circus to look like.