Dear East Side Bride
In England we have these people called The Queen and Prince Phillip.
The Queen and Prince Phillip are all over the press at the moment because The Queen has been The Queen for 60 years and we all get to have a day off work and hang up bunting and drink gin until we throw up on our own shoes.
Because The Queen and Prince Phillip have reigned over this fair country for such a long time, they called me up* and asked me to take some pictures of them.**
I was very surprised when they said they wanted to have their picture taken on a housing estate (that's a bit like a housing project in the US) but they bought a nice picnic so, you know.
The Queen loved me so much that we are now BFFs and she has promised that she'll make me next in line to the throne.***
My mate, The Queen, said she'll cut your head off if you say no.****
*this may be a lie
** also a lie
****this is actually TRUE. REALLY, REALLY TRUE.
Anyway, I'm asking you because you like taking the piss out of shit stuff.
Thanks and have a good day!
These were so bizarre I had to publish them.
Also, your letter is quite endearing.