Tuesday, March 2, 2010
who's going to walk me down the aisle...?
I'm a new reader and I have to say, I adore your blog. All of the comments and responses are so heartfelt and REAL. Which is what prompted me to write to you about my own wedding blahs.
My family is very complicated. I was adopted by my maternal grandparents when I was two years old. I met my biological father when I was fifteen. Since then, he and I have formed a very good relationship. He's actually selling his house to me, which has been in the family for 7 generations, and he's giving me a killer deal. He's very calm and level headed about things and I'm proud of the bond we have formed.
However, my mother and my aunt HATE him. They don't realize that people can change and that he's not the person they knew 25 years ago. They bad talk him constantly in front of me, even though they have not spoken with him in ages. It's very awkward for me and I usually just wind up looking down at my nails, hoping to get sucked into a black hole. It doesn't help that he recently married a woman that went to high school with my mom. Somehow, this affects my mother.
To make it even better, I never really lived with my mom. I lived with my grandparents until my grandfather died and then I tried to live with her, but she sent me to live with our horse trainer in Ohio during the summers and during the school year, I stayed most nights at my friends house or would do what I called the Ping-pong, which was wake up at her house, go to school, my aunt pick me up that night, I spend the night there, wake up at my aunt's, go to school, my mom would pick me up from school....you get the picture...until finally, my aunt and uncle asked if I would just want to live with them.
So, to me, I have 4 mom's- my biological mom, my grandmother who adopted me, my aunt who raised me from 15-18, and my step-mom. And I have 3 dad's-my biological dad, my grandfather (who passed away when I was eleven or twelve) and my uncle.
I'm dreading the awkwardness of my wedding. My fiance's family is complicated too, but they all suck it up and get along and are adults about things.
And I'm mainly worried about who's going to walk me down the aisle. Do I ask my uncle who has been there for me since I was a baby? Or do I ask my dad who has been there for me for going on eleven years and has done everything he can to be a good dad since I've met him? Do I ask them both and deal with the awkward vibe passing between them? Do I apologize to both of them and walk myself down the aisle?
This whole situation is really bumming me out. Please help!!
Lady, I say you've got two options:
1. Walk down the aisle your very own self** (or on the arm of your intended). Simple. Badass. Done.
2. Ask who you want to ask. And ask the other guy to give a speech. That way they will both feel important and dad-ish.
Under no circumstances do you owe anyone an apology.
In fact, if your mom gives you any more shit about your dad I suggest that you remind her she was the one who had a fucking baby with him in the first place.
(Photo by Lukas Wierzbowski via Design For Mankind)
*I made up a name again. This is some heavy shit. Plus it's fun to make up names.
** I went this route because frankly neither my father nor I wanted to perpetrate the notion that I was his property to be "given away." But I will spare you the synopsis of my undergraduate English thesis.
***UPDATE: Christina doesn't think she's an Alicia. And she has a blog. And she said she doesn't mind if I link to it.***