Monday, March 8, 2010

Dear ESB: Can I ask my friends to stay in a nasty hotel?

So, our wedding is on a tight tight budget. We are SO lucky to have my parents' very awesome ranch/property as our wedding location for every reason (saving money that barely exists, freedom to do what damn ever, etc.) The one issue that perhaps I'm making a bigger issue than necessary- it's a VERY rural little redneck town in the middle of NOWHERE, and the hotels that we and all our friends would have to stay at are nasty. I mean, not completely ghetto, but like, holiday inn express or la quinta inn. I don't want to sound like a dick- I know we'll be leaving not long after on a sweet ass honeymoon anyway, and I'm not a hotel snob at all, but is it weird for other people to be requested to stay in these little dumps? And am I going to end up caring that night that we're in some stiff not comfy bed in a janky hotel room for our first night of wedded bliss?

-a fellow east side bride


Dear FESB,

I don't want to sound like a bitch, but you are definitely a hotel snob.

Count your blessings. The Holiday Inn Express and La Quinta are not dumps. (I have stayed in some dumps.) You're not asking anyone to camp, for fuck's sake. And I have a feeling that if you're planning a wedding on a "tight tight budget," you've got friends living on tight tight budgets who will be thankful they don't have to shell out $500/night for rooms in some douchebag luxury hotel.*

On your first night of wedded bliss, you will be so fucking glad to be married you won't give a shit about the hotel room. I promise.


Photo by Alexi Lubomirski for Vogue Germany via {a glamorous little side project}

Okaaaaaaaaay. I like luxury hotels too. Sure, it would be nice to have the option. But srsly, your friends + fam love you. They really really aren't gonna mind.


  1. I almost froze to death on our first night of wedded bliss in a charming beach cottage that was gifted to us for the weekend by a friend of the family...

    ...right after we almost flooded the downstairs because a bridesmaid dared turn on the shower.

    Least of my worries.

  2. As long as there's running water, electricity, a mirror and you guys getting married, I'd hope they wouldn't give a rat's ass. And if they do? Hell, think of it as an ice-breaker for the reception.

  3. I'm having the exact same worries! Our wedding is in the Hudson Valley and although there are tons of amazing B&Bs, the only place to get a guarantee room block are at less than desirable places. Glad to hear you think its not the end of the world to ask fam and friends to stay in a so-so hotel. I guess I just felt like I'm planning what I hope is an awesome party that I wish the hotel could match the wedding.

  4. i'm with cevd on this one. we offered camping for our guests and a good amount of them pitched tents and roughed it that night. it was like a giant sleep over. awesome.
    also, i've got to say that there were both luxury and budget hotels where we got married and pretty much everyone chose to stay in a budget hotel. after travel and gift expenses, i don't think people really want to shell out the extra money for their room. i can admit that i am a total hotel snob, but when it comes to a wedding, i'd probably pick a budget hotel too.

  5. hey ESB:

    what are your thoughts on camping? a good friend of mine is having a camping wedding, and i'm less than psyched about it. i hate sounding so crankypants about it, but i'm flying across the country to attend, and then flying out early on sunday morning. my soon to be husband is telling me to get over it. i think we have different ideas about what it means to be a host, and quite frankly, i want a private bathroom and a roof over my head.

    ps. i had a FABULOUS experience at a Holiday Inn Express. Friendly sweet staff, comfy bed, soft sheets, and clean clean clean.

  6. to clarify:
    my friend and i have different ideas about being a host. not husband to be and i. and in this case, her ideas aren't mirroring with my ideas.

  7. if your friends are the types to get upset about this sort of thing, why would you want them at your wedding. it's one - three nights, i'm sure they'll survive.

    frankly, i'm excited to be anywhere that cleans up after me and has cable tv.

    o, and like ESB said, those places aren't dumps ! it could be worse, you could be asking your buds to stay at a vintage Super 8 or HoJo's. and when i say vintage, i don't mean in a boutique-y kinda way.

  8. Since when are Holiday Inn Express and La Quinta Inn dumps? Damn, if those are dumps, I don't want to know what the kinds of places I stay in would be considered.

    At the last wedding I attended I slept on the floor of my friend's parents' house. So did three other couples. If your friends are anything like my friends (young professionals or grad students), they will be thanking you for not making them stay in a swanky place.

  9. FESB,
    I can't imagine your guests would be unhappy with staying at a place like La Quinta - it's really not as horrific as you seem to be worried it is.
    Plus, it's a short stay and they're your friends and family...I highly doubt they're expecting you to put them up in the Trump Plaza.

  10. I've stayed at many, many places with communal bathrooms and timed showers. As long as your hotels have clean sheets and none of your guests are going to catch any diseases, I think they'll be fine with it (and probably appreciate the good rates).

  11. I gotta say, the Holiday Inn is a splurge for me and my friends--we are mostly young and broke. I spent this morning looking for places to stay for an upcoming wedding and it costs so much to travel to weddings already that my friends and I have really been looking for the cheapest possible. When people came into town for our wedding, they similarly chose the most budget options, even though our wedding was right in the city with a tonne of "luxury" crap. So unless you are friends entirely with snobs, I wouldn't worry about it; wedding are expensive. As long as it's clean and safe, people like cheap.

  12. I was just in Austin for a friend's wedding and the "group rate" hotel was shiiiiiiitty. It's touted as kitschy and weird, but really it's just old and kind of sad. But we didn't care. It was cheap, in a great area and most importantly WE WERE THERE FOR OUR FRIEND'S WEDDING!!! As a general rule La Quinta and Holiday Inn express aren't shitty, but if these happen to be run down versions of these chains I would just give people a heads up and let them know not to expect luxury but that these are the only options...people will not care...and if they do. Eff em.

  13. Dude, you're not asking them to stay in a Hostel? Yeah, you're fine. I'd far rather have to stay at a holiday in for someone elses wedding than have to pay for a room at the W. I mean, it's not MY vacation, so I shouldn't have to spend buckets of money, right? Right.

  14. Camping weddings sound fun... until you actually experience them. I'm sure there are exceptions, but the ones I've been too have turned into messes. Bathrooms become a huge issue and people get all crankypants.

  15. Is this some American thing I don't know about? since when do you tell your friends where to stay?

  16. @Brigitta Did you read the question? FESB's dilemma is: "it's a VERY rural little redneck town in the middle of NOWHERE" with only two hotels.

  17. @esb yeah, I guess that's why I don't understand the problem. If there's no choice but enough rooms, then let it go.

  18. Hey ESB... chill... there is no reason to call a person a snob because she doesn't like the hotels you do like. Also, there is no reason to overlook her problems with nasty remarks... I too don't want my guests to be uncomfortable in a hotel because the venue is in the sticks (mine is as well), so what? At least I care enough about them not to think that my wedding celebration is all about ME getting married... it would be all about me if I decided to elope... but when you host a celebration no, sorry, it's most definitely not all about you getting married.

  19. i think it's nice that she's concerned about her guests & their comfort... but bottom line, if they love you and are at your wedding for the right reasons, they'll just be happy to be there sharing your big day!
    if people don't want to stay in one of the two hotels, maybe they can stay in the next town over?

  20. i will never get bored with comment-ers telling you how to answer people.

  21. You could always ask a local to rent our their house! put up quite a few people that way and it might be more comfortable / cheaper even for your friends and family.

    I know if i were going to a location wedding i'd want to stay with all my friends anyways!